I heard of it when I was in GZ 2 days ago. Well, I think it is really interesting, and maybe it is KARMA, happening on someone who speaks faster than her brain. What kind of stupid person would say that in public? A female whose IQ is more than 120? Well, her EQ should be minus.
It is like throwing a big stone on one’s own feet to prove how painful it is.
And today she said sorry via her manager without turning up. And it is interesting too. No need to say sorry to anything you don’t even feel sorry to. Maybe the one she feels sorry to is nobody but herself.
She did learn a lesson this time. A big one. She is destroying her own career, losing billions of audiences. But there’s no medicine for anti-regret.
Thank you for a valuable lesson, SS.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
An love affair with a coke on a Sat. afternoon
Salt poured in Coke Zero
It danced on the black lake
Exhaled with wild bubbles
Like a cereus
Three seconds’ blooming
A greedy sip
Contradiction of sweet and salty
Flirt wantonly with tip of tongue
Doff the lingerie of frazzle emotions
Directly into my fever body
Mourn
Twist
Scream
A pair of wings
Grew with my soul of ecstasy
Flying to the outdoor sunshine
In a blink of an eye
Burst a blare
Sharply, it crashed onto the crystal window
Fell over on me
Don’t you cry
Dreams shall become true
In my ampliate chest
I kissed your every bruise
Peacefully
Roaming in the bed of love
Friday, May 23, 2008
If machine understands what it had recorded, it would cry.
I saw this from a friend's shared item on my reader, and my heart was thrilling with complicated emotions running in my veins.
This is the flow data line from Google China. It clearly shows the poplulation of google search every minute.
14:28, 19 May 2008, all Chinese people were mourning in silence, on the road, in the office, in the house, in the disaster area, etc. They kept still for 3 minutes. And nothing could be clearer than this, the largest search web in the world.
If machine understands what it had recorded, it would cry.
Peace and wish, China.
xG.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Arts, Loneliness, Choice of Life
In the huge exhibition hall of Art HK 08, finally I stood in front of a big painting by Francis Bacon.
The feature of his portrait works, is that you always see one single person in it, with strange colors of skin. The guide explained that it is because he was always alone and have skin problem, which reflect in his works.
I thought of many artists and writers, seemingly they all have something in common-loneliness, and a large number of them have physical or mental disease, or they died early, or lived a poor life when old.
I thought of another quote: “if you have nothing to write, then commit suicide! If you succeed, you don’t have to suffer anymore; if not, then you have something to write.”
The process of art creation is the fruit of blood and sweat, only can which endure the test of time
The art creation is a tough experience. A lot of people didn’t see the human who did the creations through those works while commending them. Most of them are lonely and helpless, however this kind of sensitive soul makes them unique, and to describe the world in their eyes from a special perspective. The distance between their imagination and reality always makes them sad, meanwhile most lack of interpersonal communicational skill and they feel stressed and disappointed time and time again. The tremendous sorrow and disappointment transform into infinite power, and gift them the inspiration of creation. If you don’t try to know the artist first, you cannot truly understand the spirit behind their works. That’s the real value of an art piece, which can never be copied by any distinct model.
Suddenly I had a light above my head.
Loads of people asked me why I always write something dark and pessimistic. Actually I am not always in a sad mood, but those moments only could I have the inspiration and desire to write. I cannot calm down while feeling happy, not even mention to think of anything related to life or philosophy.
But I realize now loneliness is a choice, rather than loneliness chooses you. You choice of being lonely is a surrender for reaching some of your goals. Except from some objective factors, your imagination and thoughts will directly affect the turnover of your path. And what will happen next, is what we call “fate” or “destiny”. Indeed we cannot control its development, but it happens on the direction coordinate you have chosen. It might be another story on the opposite direction.
Just like the movie Sliding Doors, two different choices, two different stories, you will never expect what you life is until the very last second.
I always think that I am independent, from some extent. I jumped out of a small and traditional Chinese town and trim my life neat and tidy. But independent people are somewhat lonely, because they don’t wanna rely on others but themselves. Not till recently did I discover knowing the right time to ask for help is a tactic, which will double your success. And the warmth among some group in an expat city, cannot be properly described but so heartfelt.
No man is an island.
The 512 Sichuan Earthquake is a profound proof.
Walking alone to walk faster, walk together to walk farther. If you cannot have a long-term company, get several short-term ones.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Some concerns about some French
I love people from different countries, I love languages, they kind of widen my eye sight and give me so many opinions and thoughts I could never learn before. But, now I have to speak here for some facts, for everything I have heard and seen for so long. I kept silent and showed my understanding all the time.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. And I shall not take the shame again, again and again.
All my dearest friends from the FLS, we learn foreign language to speak up the truth for our country.
Fact I: France Channel I, in the Sichuan Earthquake news, a Sichuanese spoke in Chinese during an interview: “Thanks for our Chinese Party of Communism, thanks for our government!”
And the subtitle in French was: “We have nothing to eat, nothing to drink, nobody helps us!”
I think that translator should be fired, or on one else knows Chinese there? Or are you illiterate?
Fact II: on a French newspaper, it only showed the number of victims and started to declare China refused their help and didn’t admit them to enter Sichuan.
So far, no donation from France official side.
Well, what would you like to help us? Why you didn’t come when people suffered in the snow plague in Hunan?
Because nothing important is there.
But Sichuan is different. National Rocket Launch Centre, National Nuclear Factories…should be exciting to pay a visit, right? And stand there laughing like a French student said, “Great! We never have earthquake in France, only Chinese died from that.”
May god bless you, because France is still on an active earthquake zone. Oh, you didn’t learn Geography?
Take the Nepalese army as Chinese and support Tibet Independence? Sorry, none of your business and it won’t make us weaker;
Protest the Beijing Olympic? Sorry, but it won’t be held in France;
Pillage the torch and beat the disabled athlete? Wow, you are so brave, so outstanding! For doing something publicly, something we are not cold enough to do even privately.
A very classic and popular quote from my schoolmates graduated from French Major,
“I think I was 很傻很天真(very silly very innocent)learning French, and when I came to France I think it is 很黃很暴力(very porn very violent).” (Chinese quoted from Dickson Chan Issue)
Pathetic, really pathetic.
Life gives you eyes to pursue brightness, you use them for darkness.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. And I shall not take the shame again, again and again.
All my dearest friends from the FLS, we learn foreign language to speak up the truth for our country.
Fact I: France Channel I, in the Sichuan Earthquake news, a Sichuanese spoke in Chinese during an interview: “Thanks for our Chinese Party of Communism, thanks for our government!”
And the subtitle in French was: “We have nothing to eat, nothing to drink, nobody helps us!”
I think that translator should be fired, or on one else knows Chinese there? Or are you illiterate?
Fact II: on a French newspaper, it only showed the number of victims and started to declare China refused their help and didn’t admit them to enter Sichuan.
So far, no donation from France official side.
Well, what would you like to help us? Why you didn’t come when people suffered in the snow plague in Hunan?
Because nothing important is there.
But Sichuan is different. National Rocket Launch Centre, National Nuclear Factories…should be exciting to pay a visit, right? And stand there laughing like a French student said, “Great! We never have earthquake in France, only Chinese died from that.”
May god bless you, because France is still on an active earthquake zone. Oh, you didn’t learn Geography?
Take the Nepalese army as Chinese and support Tibet Independence? Sorry, none of your business and it won’t make us weaker;
Protest the Beijing Olympic? Sorry, but it won’t be held in France;
Pillage the torch and beat the disabled athlete? Wow, you are so brave, so outstanding! For doing something publicly, something we are not cold enough to do even privately.
A very classic and popular quote from my schoolmates graduated from French Major,
“I think I was 很傻很天真(very silly very innocent)learning French, and when I came to France I think it is 很黃很暴力(very porn very violent).” (Chinese quoted from Dickson Chan Issue)
Pathetic, really pathetic.
Life gives you eyes to pursue brightness, you use them for darkness.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Mourn
For all the victims of 512 Earthquake
Sleeping in the pistil of a frozen rose
A crystal drops from my eyes
Moisten a bee’s memory
Drown in its self-made honey
Oh the night
Leaning on my shoulder
Murmur like a new-born child
Way too cold, way too quiet
Sucking my blood as milk
Choked with greedy swallow
I wear the coat of fragility
To cover the bruise and scars
Beaten by the rhythm of a city in chaos
I dance the pain away
Bare-footed on the edge of a knife
Oh my dear
Why you cannot see
An angel hidden in my soul
Might tear off her wings
And jump
From the highest cloud
Rest in the pistil of a frozen rose
Dye all petals
Red and fresh
The moment she closed her tired eyes
-Gloria X 14:40, 19-May 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
The sixth sense
Women’s sixth sense is some mystery you cannot explain by science. Most of the time people say, “You think too much!”, however, it is not “Thinking”, is “Feeling”.
My sixth sense is something I love and hate, plus a habit of carefully but unconsciously inspecting people and objects around me, this powerful forecast protects me from taking many risks. From great extent it protects me from making mistakes as well. In a lot of people’s eyes, I have been living a “flawless life”, but sometimes its dark shadow behind the huge ray could swallow me completely.
Most of the time I do hope that I think too much, but in the end it always approved that what I hadn’t said and done, what I feared and thought, were all correct.
It becomes some regret I can never redeem in my life. People start to recall their days of being wild when getting old, but I can probably watch my blankness when my time comes.
It is not a good deed to realize those weights you cannot bear with in life too early, in a young body which should be lively and carefree at this moment, however who has already lost the courage of no-fear to lose.
Know nothing fears nothing. How I envy these free-and-easy bodies. Sometime I do hope I could determinately commit some beautiful mistakes without assurance.
I do hope somebody who will come straight forward to me, ripping the transparent gap open, and slap me on the face, instead of watching me, guessing me on the opposite side of the bank with fog between, criticize, gossip or commend in a tiny voice.
Sometimes, all I want is fragility.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Jane Austen's Book Club
I watched this movie twice in peace. Tranquil is the only word I can describe the crush I had on it. Feeling like seated on the cozy sofa with a Cappuccino in hand, Jazz in the CD Player, and enjoying a great book under the orange light. Everything but lonely.
5 women, 6 Jane Austen’s Books, a 6-month journey for emotions, it seems a complete epitome for all women in the world.
All the roles and their stories involved in the plot smoothly and systematically develops with the sequel reading of the book club, even their emotions are accompanied with perfect logics, which is no doubt a kind of worship in depth for Jane Austen, putting her in the peak for the movie.
Jocelyn represents a type of modern women. They enjoy their singledom, living with pets, however endeavour to match others. It is not they don’t know what is love, not lack of passion either, they just fear of being hurt so that they refuse love and advocate self-control for physical attractions. They are strong, independent and capable, leading many men move back most of time. In the past this kind of women become freaks, however with the promotion of western culture and feminism, they gradually occupy their place in society. They eventually polarize into two parts, one like Jocelyn and Emma in the book, unexpectedly come across love and give up their singledom for the love crush, one like Jane Austen herself, return to self-peace and embody their emotions on careers.
Prudie represents women opposite to Jocelyn, those who are regarded as what a woman should be in tradition. They are romantic and have endless dreams about love. But they also easily have perfect lover fantasy on their partners, once which cannot be matched with the reality, they feel doomed and desperate, since they regard themselves totally as the substitute for men. They will simply lose the drive for life if being disappointed. It is easy for them to be derailed while seduced by other men.
Sylvia represents the general type of women; they follow rules and become a traditional wife and mother and believe they do their best for the family. But during the “Mid-age crisis”, some husbands will have affairs with others due to the boringness of their wives. They will never understand what they did wrong and blame everything on the third. In traditional countries, women are only allowed to follow their husbands, after several fights some slowly accept the truth and some get divorced and looked down upon; in open and free countries, they re-married or stay single with their children.
Benedette represents mature women who are always passionate and optimistic towards life; they failed in several marriages, but never lose hope for love. With the increase of age they have a tolerant and peaceful altitude for life, catching the pace of time with a young heart.
Allegra represents the homosexual team. Their destiny at large connects to the extent for freedom of their living community and people’s altitude towards it, and also their thoughts for themselves.
The only man in the book club, played by Hugh Dancy is a standout in the movie. Men’s thoughts on gender attraction are much more direct than women, thinking that it is like gravity unavoidable, focus more on logic and analysis while lack of imagination of romance. He likes Jocelyn who endeavoured to match him with Sylvia, being cautious and timid facing with Jocelyn’s independence and assertiveness. His thoughts on Jane Austen’s books seem alternative and superficial in women’s eyes, he is childish, careless, a bit stupid and innocent, and he is too real to resist by women.
the end is happiness to all, a fit to Jane Austen’s all books-Jocelyn realised her love with Grigg, Prudie pulled back from her young chaser and had a better communication with her husband, Sylvia had her courage back to new life while her husband returned to her realizing the warmth of family, Allegra got to know a new girlfriend, and Benedette was engaged with her sixth husband. If Jane always comes up with a happy ending because she is too lonely, as what Grigg said, the ending of this movie, is it a hint that calls up people’s courage of never giving up for their true love in the modern society, where people are becoming more and more distant to each others?
Only himself knows the answer.
A lot of tips you can get from the movie, unlike the other ones, forcing you to accept with exaggerating characters and plots, but with the sequel of the reading in the book club, drop by drop injected into your blood and become part of yours.
What really touches me in this movie, is that, a lot of thoughts you insist will be changed in a blink of an eye once you let go, a lot of things have never been gone or changed, but the change of the angle you inspect them cause the change of everything itself. In the nick of time between the mass change takes place, you just simply open your heart, watch, wait and welcome them once they come without looking away.
All novels and movies come from life but superior to life, or rather, an extreme and exaggeration of life. Life is real and practical without much excitement. Therefore, people who have higher goals and more demanding for life, are those who are outstanding in others’ eyes, while being out of league with others and easier to feel confused and blue. They will be famous, or infamous. If human beings are indeed creatures by someone up there, these people are the leading characters in the novel of LIFE.
I feel warm in this freezing winter while watching this movie, figuring out which kind of person I am, instead of taking tests.
It is all about love
I felt sorry for a friend, or rather, I felt sorry from a friend for myself.I hate seeing people lost in love, sad in love, because I feel so bad as if it happened to me. So, these words, are for your comforts.
Don't lose faith, even you lose everything else,it can still bring them back.
Love is when she cannot be his bride, she still would be happy to be his maid and wish him the best with the woman he loves.
Love is the post-it notes on the door, the umbrella in his car, when she knows he feels annoyed being reminded of every day.
Love is the shoulder you wish to lay your head on while watching fireworks, the chest you wish to bury your face while crying, the face you wish to see in the dream every night while seeing it again waking up every morning by your side.
Love is what you worry to cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Love is when she gets pregnant again knowing that he would like to have one more kid, fighting for the coming pain in 10 continuous months.
Love is the source of worries, worries when it hasn’t come, worries when it has come, and worries when it has gone.
Love is when someone asking her “have you ever felt real love”, he suddenly came into her mind. She thought she was over him months ago, the stupid unrequited love in her life. She watched his photos again, trying to figure it out the distance between them, neither geographically nor spiritually, which she could hardly reach, which she have never reached before. Never mind, as long as he is fulfilling her life.
Love is when you know that your kids will hate you scolding or beating them, you will still punish them for the good of their behavior in the future.
Love is blind, I hold its hand and lead it through the darkness, telling it how colorful and wonderful the world is and make it smile like a child.
Love is when she looks at his eyes and smiles like an angel, without knowing why she did.
Love is to give him her freedom, and give him his freedom, while don’t know if she could have hers.
Love is when she shouts “I hate you!!!” and cries.
Love is when I saw a couple together on the tram, on the bus, on the MTR and smile and wish them love, while wishing someone was wishing me love somewhere.
Love is she knew she is making the same stupid mistake to someone else again, but she just couldn't help doing it, since her pain may bring him happiness.
Love Actually-Every time I see this commercial on TV for the coming movie, I know actually Christmas is around but love NOT. That’s why the TV plays it every year with good watching rate.
Love is my wish to you all and to myself, for those I love but they love me not, for those who I cannot, for those who used to love, be loving, and will love.
Don't lose faith, even you lose everything else,it can still bring them back.
Love is when she cannot be his bride, she still would be happy to be his maid and wish him the best with the woman he loves.
Love is the post-it notes on the door, the umbrella in his car, when she knows he feels annoyed being reminded of every day.
Love is the shoulder you wish to lay your head on while watching fireworks, the chest you wish to bury your face while crying, the face you wish to see in the dream every night while seeing it again waking up every morning by your side.
Love is what you worry to cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Love is when she gets pregnant again knowing that he would like to have one more kid, fighting for the coming pain in 10 continuous months.
Love is the source of worries, worries when it hasn’t come, worries when it has come, and worries when it has gone.
Love is when someone asking her “have you ever felt real love”, he suddenly came into her mind. She thought she was over him months ago, the stupid unrequited love in her life. She watched his photos again, trying to figure it out the distance between them, neither geographically nor spiritually, which she could hardly reach, which she have never reached before. Never mind, as long as he is fulfilling her life.
Love is when you know that your kids will hate you scolding or beating them, you will still punish them for the good of their behavior in the future.
Love is blind, I hold its hand and lead it through the darkness, telling it how colorful and wonderful the world is and make it smile like a child.
Love is when she looks at his eyes and smiles like an angel, without knowing why she did.
Love is to give him her freedom, and give him his freedom, while don’t know if she could have hers.
Love is when she shouts “I hate you!!!” and cries.
Love is when I saw a couple together on the tram, on the bus, on the MTR and smile and wish them love, while wishing someone was wishing me love somewhere.
Love is she knew she is making the same stupid mistake to someone else again, but she just couldn't help doing it, since her pain may bring him happiness.
Love Actually-Every time I see this commercial on TV for the coming movie, I know actually Christmas is around but love NOT. That’s why the TV plays it every year with good watching rate.
Love is my wish to you all and to myself, for those I love but they love me not, for those who I cannot, for those who used to love, be loving, and will love.
My Green Apple
Today when I was walking around Taikoo Place, chasing dancers for different performances from one building to another, I suddenly saw my green apple.
You are here!! I found you!! I almost creamed out.
A big green apple. This is one of my favorite art pieces in Taikoo Place. Nothing special, just a model of a green apple a little bit taller than me. Simple. Fresh.
But I just love it. Don’t know why. It used to place on the passage to Devon House, where I have to pass through from my place to Cityplaza. When I worked in Cityplaza, that was the scene I saw every day. I pushed the glass door open, walked to the end of the passage; I saw it, shining with green color under the light. So fresh and beautiful that I smiled to it, and I smiled to people that day.
Then I was transferred to Pacific Place. I no more passed through that passage and I gradually forgot it, thinking it would always be there, shining and waiting. Something I would never lose in my daily life.
But I was wrong. One day when I passed the passage, all I saw was a blank white wall standing coldly against me. Where is my green apple? The light was still there, reflecting on the ground.
It is gone and I lost it.
But I didn’t look for it. It did mean something to me, something trivial but could echo with my soul. But do I really care? Without that green apple, I can still walk, talk, eat, work, whatever I can do.
What’s gone is gone. Let go. Let it be. That’s life. Accept it. You have to move on. That’s what people keep on telling me these years. And they washed my brain. I am no more that little girl, who cried while being late for school, who jumped against the wall while couldn’t work out a math question, who creamed and kept on looking and looking everywhere for keys, books, mobile, etc., while my mother kept on nagging behind me.
I am a grown-up. The symbol is the “let go and what’s the big deal” altitude, the “sorry but I am so busy” excuses, the late night mini-bus and slept-over Saturday or Sunday morning.
I guess I lost something. Something I didn’t know what they were. And I forgot them.
But my apple is back. On the hall of another building in Taikoo Place, with some radish flowers accompany with. Right here, right now, standing quietly in front of me. Simple. Fresh.
And I couldn’t help smiling and saying hello to it.
Maybe something has never left me that far, they are just around another corner. I could have found it earlier if I started looking around Taikoo Place some time ago. But anyway, my green apple is back. It gives me a Christmas Surprise.
Is it a hint? Something that disappeared in my life, in a blink of an eye, now is coming back again? Is it a hint? Is it a hint?
Then, I shall not wait but start looking for the answer myself.
You are here!! I found you!! I almost creamed out.
A big green apple. This is one of my favorite art pieces in Taikoo Place. Nothing special, just a model of a green apple a little bit taller than me. Simple. Fresh.
But I just love it. Don’t know why. It used to place on the passage to Devon House, where I have to pass through from my place to Cityplaza. When I worked in Cityplaza, that was the scene I saw every day. I pushed the glass door open, walked to the end of the passage; I saw it, shining with green color under the light. So fresh and beautiful that I smiled to it, and I smiled to people that day.
Then I was transferred to Pacific Place. I no more passed through that passage and I gradually forgot it, thinking it would always be there, shining and waiting. Something I would never lose in my daily life.
But I was wrong. One day when I passed the passage, all I saw was a blank white wall standing coldly against me. Where is my green apple? The light was still there, reflecting on the ground.
It is gone and I lost it.
But I didn’t look for it. It did mean something to me, something trivial but could echo with my soul. But do I really care? Without that green apple, I can still walk, talk, eat, work, whatever I can do.
What’s gone is gone. Let go. Let it be. That’s life. Accept it. You have to move on. That’s what people keep on telling me these years. And they washed my brain. I am no more that little girl, who cried while being late for school, who jumped against the wall while couldn’t work out a math question, who creamed and kept on looking and looking everywhere for keys, books, mobile, etc., while my mother kept on nagging behind me.
I am a grown-up. The symbol is the “let go and what’s the big deal” altitude, the “sorry but I am so busy” excuses, the late night mini-bus and slept-over Saturday or Sunday morning.
I guess I lost something. Something I didn’t know what they were. And I forgot them.
But my apple is back. On the hall of another building in Taikoo Place, with some radish flowers accompany with. Right here, right now, standing quietly in front of me. Simple. Fresh.
And I couldn’t help smiling and saying hello to it.
Maybe something has never left me that far, they are just around another corner. I could have found it earlier if I started looking around Taikoo Place some time ago. But anyway, my green apple is back. It gives me a Christmas Surprise.
Is it a hint? Something that disappeared in my life, in a blink of an eye, now is coming back again? Is it a hint? Is it a hint?
Then, I shall not wait but start looking for the answer myself.
I Feel like...
I feel like to be loved these days, I am bored of giving without receiving.
Shall I receive first and give my part later?
I admit it, I do feel it growing like a Jack's Pea. Actually I can stop watering it, but I just let it be.
I am in someone's stomach waiting to be rescued, "swimming quickly into the weeping arms".
I am needing the shoulder I thought of to cry.
NOW. or, NEVER.
Shall I receive first and give my part later?
I admit it, I do feel it growing like a Jack's Pea. Actually I can stop watering it, but I just let it be.
I am in someone's stomach waiting to be rescued, "swimming quickly into the weeping arms".
I am needing the shoulder I thought of to cry.
NOW. or, NEVER.
In tune with IE
5pm sharp, Tuesday. I packed up my stuff and got off work. 6pm, I sat in the middle of the first row, on the square of Tung Chong Street in front of Taikoo Place, quietly waiting for the first show of In tune with Island East, at 6:30pm.
This is another corporation between Swire and HKPO, which specially brings the serious classic music from the music hall, to this small open-air stage of Island East. Last year, the performance “Symphony Under the Stars”, had astonished me deeply with classic music, making me realize the charisma of classic live concert. Within one year, I have been to different live concerts, outdoor or indoor, big or small, all of them were so adorable.
A long sound of Winds brought me back from my own peaceful memory.
The first show was about Serenade by DVORAK, which was divided into two instrumentation teams: one for Winds in D minor, with two Oboes, two Clarinets, three Bassoons, three horns and two Cellos; one for Strings in E major, with Violins, Violas, Cellos and Basses. It lasted for more than 50 mins.
I don’t wanna talk too much about the Serenade itself. Or rather, SOUND, this particular object, can only be recognized by ears. No matter what delicate words, in front of that divine music, are all pale and powerless. Right at the moment, all you can do, is to open your heart wild, open your ears wild, enjoy the music going through your skin and into your body, gently touch your soul. All you can do, is to listen to, to feel, to experience this unique sense of happiness.
In the performance, I always get lost in thoughts unconsciously. All of a sudden, I feel that, symphony is composed for people who can enjoy being alone. The composer was alone, he imagined a group of performers using different musical instruments and play together, the combination of high, mid and low gamut melt together, representing a great carnival, with great ecstasy or great sorrow, wavy and majestic; while people who listen to are being alone, no matter how many people seated around, how many music lovers you meet, the moment you are enjoying the music, you are always keep your mouth shut and listen with your own ears. Music in different gamut and scale run into your ears, your expanded blood vessels and in your body, shuttle, reverberate and echo. Right at that moment, your brain is free, all kinds of thoughts sweep you like a tornado, jump with the musical notes and develop infinitely; your heart is free, running like a wild car on the highway, you feel like running through infinite desert, infinite jungle, to an extreme which you have never experienced before. Right at that moment, you will love your loneliness. Your body is full of excitement; your soul is pure and fearless.
In the color of the dark blue night, my thoughts have never been clearer. Lifted up, I saw the skyline shimmering with the light.
And my consciousness was gone; the whole world contains only music and me.
December is at the corner, with the strong atmosphere of Christmas. A colorful Oriental Pearl with Christmas lighting is counting down. Get off work around 6, taking the tram on the lane from a busy Central to a relaxing Island East. Freely seated in an bar outdoor, enjoy some special performance or event or exhibition, having a fine dinning, later, go jogging at the Quarry Bay Park with fresh air. At weekends, an enlightening movie, an attractive book, a happy gathering, a relaxing chill; or an outdoor activity, an eat-out gathering, shopping, dancing, listen to light music and have a sound sleep, preparing for the coming week’s work.
That’s a kind of ideal life. That’s what my beloved city should give me. But some don’t know how to enjoy their life, or they cannot enjoy life like this due to career and money. To some extent, HK indeed is a desert of culture, but meanwhile it is full of Greenland. The point is, too many people are over taking the excuse of BUSY for everything, covering themselves in the sand, difficult to see, to hear, to breathe, only dig for gold rush.
Grief. Sometimes it is the grief we have to compromise begging for survival, sometimes we sell ourselves to life but don’t know to take good use of the cash we exchange with life. This society, with the increase of materialism and desire, more and more people, are those poor with only money left.
Cannot wait for the second show on next Tuesday, cannot wait for the Symphony Under the Stars at Happy Valley on next Friday.
Deeply deeply in love.
P.S. Writing on today, the Thanksgiving Day, thank you all for making me who I am today.
This is another corporation between Swire and HKPO, which specially brings the serious classic music from the music hall, to this small open-air stage of Island East. Last year, the performance “Symphony Under the Stars”, had astonished me deeply with classic music, making me realize the charisma of classic live concert. Within one year, I have been to different live concerts, outdoor or indoor, big or small, all of them were so adorable.
A long sound of Winds brought me back from my own peaceful memory.
The first show was about Serenade by DVORAK, which was divided into two instrumentation teams: one for Winds in D minor, with two Oboes, two Clarinets, three Bassoons, three horns and two Cellos; one for Strings in E major, with Violins, Violas, Cellos and Basses. It lasted for more than 50 mins.
I don’t wanna talk too much about the Serenade itself. Or rather, SOUND, this particular object, can only be recognized by ears. No matter what delicate words, in front of that divine music, are all pale and powerless. Right at the moment, all you can do, is to open your heart wild, open your ears wild, enjoy the music going through your skin and into your body, gently touch your soul. All you can do, is to listen to, to feel, to experience this unique sense of happiness.
In the performance, I always get lost in thoughts unconsciously. All of a sudden, I feel that, symphony is composed for people who can enjoy being alone. The composer was alone, he imagined a group of performers using different musical instruments and play together, the combination of high, mid and low gamut melt together, representing a great carnival, with great ecstasy or great sorrow, wavy and majestic; while people who listen to are being alone, no matter how many people seated around, how many music lovers you meet, the moment you are enjoying the music, you are always keep your mouth shut and listen with your own ears. Music in different gamut and scale run into your ears, your expanded blood vessels and in your body, shuttle, reverberate and echo. Right at that moment, your brain is free, all kinds of thoughts sweep you like a tornado, jump with the musical notes and develop infinitely; your heart is free, running like a wild car on the highway, you feel like running through infinite desert, infinite jungle, to an extreme which you have never experienced before. Right at that moment, you will love your loneliness. Your body is full of excitement; your soul is pure and fearless.
In the color of the dark blue night, my thoughts have never been clearer. Lifted up, I saw the skyline shimmering with the light.
And my consciousness was gone; the whole world contains only music and me.
December is at the corner, with the strong atmosphere of Christmas. A colorful Oriental Pearl with Christmas lighting is counting down. Get off work around 6, taking the tram on the lane from a busy Central to a relaxing Island East. Freely seated in an bar outdoor, enjoy some special performance or event or exhibition, having a fine dinning, later, go jogging at the Quarry Bay Park with fresh air. At weekends, an enlightening movie, an attractive book, a happy gathering, a relaxing chill; or an outdoor activity, an eat-out gathering, shopping, dancing, listen to light music and have a sound sleep, preparing for the coming week’s work.
That’s a kind of ideal life. That’s what my beloved city should give me. But some don’t know how to enjoy their life, or they cannot enjoy life like this due to career and money. To some extent, HK indeed is a desert of culture, but meanwhile it is full of Greenland. The point is, too many people are over taking the excuse of BUSY for everything, covering themselves in the sand, difficult to see, to hear, to breathe, only dig for gold rush.
Grief. Sometimes it is the grief we have to compromise begging for survival, sometimes we sell ourselves to life but don’t know to take good use of the cash we exchange with life. This society, with the increase of materialism and desire, more and more people, are those poor with only money left.
Cannot wait for the second show on next Tuesday, cannot wait for the Symphony Under the Stars at Happy Valley on next Friday.
Deeply deeply in love.
P.S. Writing on today, the Thanksgiving Day, thank you all for making me who I am today.
Cashback for life
In a cozy evening, I watched the short film CASHBACK by Sean Ellis and was thrilled by only 12-min clip. This time finally I had the chance to watch the full movie, 1 hr and 42 mins.
It is a movie dressed with the taste of French Perfume, graceful classic music, fluent and cozy plots. However, no exaggeration, no drag, with typical humor of British Independent film, genuine and refreshing monologue and dialogue, you feel your mood was transforming between the turbulence of relaxations and burdens, bitter and sweet.
The story is so simple that we don’t even regard it as a story. Ben broke up with his girlfriend and started to experience insomnia, leaving himself extra 8 hours per day for pain. He spent it on the nightshift in a supermarket, imaging that he could stop time, and later he discovered the meaning of life, finding his love and career.
Ben said, “During the hours most normal people are sleeping, I’m busy trading my time. I give them my extra eight hours, and they give me money. Cash back.”
But it was over his expectations. He kept on thinking his own life in the gap of frozen time, endeavor to transform his altitude from negatively pessimistic to positively optimistic, eventually, life gives him cashback.
Isn’t it an ideal life status? Firstly annoyed by a trivial love issue, however later you reach a higher level in the process of thinking. While looking back, all the previous depression is the buffer of happiness in the future.
To some extent, we are all Ben. We do believe we could give someone happiness by sacrificing ourselves, or letting someone go to find their own happiness. After the painful struggle, you find that your happiness actually is all around. All you can do is to keep moving forward. We do believe that time kills everything and drown in great agony in the drag of time. Suddenly one day we are all over it and begin to appreciate the regular rules of nature. It is impossible that this film cannot echo with your heart, so simple that it has all of us, so simple that it is all about us. That’s the genius of Sean Ellis.
I love the acting of Sean Biggerstaff in the film. Like Ben, I do believe that the body of human is a perfect art by the Creator. Man with stroopped eyes, blue while in silence, shining while with smile, is embodied with rich thoughts. His innocent face is perfect for a character between a man and a boy, so real and natural.
I am longing for some cashback as well.
It is a movie dressed with the taste of French Perfume, graceful classic music, fluent and cozy plots. However, no exaggeration, no drag, with typical humor of British Independent film, genuine and refreshing monologue and dialogue, you feel your mood was transforming between the turbulence of relaxations and burdens, bitter and sweet.
The story is so simple that we don’t even regard it as a story. Ben broke up with his girlfriend and started to experience insomnia, leaving himself extra 8 hours per day for pain. He spent it on the nightshift in a supermarket, imaging that he could stop time, and later he discovered the meaning of life, finding his love and career.
Ben said, “During the hours most normal people are sleeping, I’m busy trading my time. I give them my extra eight hours, and they give me money. Cash back.”
But it was over his expectations. He kept on thinking his own life in the gap of frozen time, endeavor to transform his altitude from negatively pessimistic to positively optimistic, eventually, life gives him cashback.
Isn’t it an ideal life status? Firstly annoyed by a trivial love issue, however later you reach a higher level in the process of thinking. While looking back, all the previous depression is the buffer of happiness in the future.
To some extent, we are all Ben. We do believe we could give someone happiness by sacrificing ourselves, or letting someone go to find their own happiness. After the painful struggle, you find that your happiness actually is all around. All you can do is to keep moving forward. We do believe that time kills everything and drown in great agony in the drag of time. Suddenly one day we are all over it and begin to appreciate the regular rules of nature. It is impossible that this film cannot echo with your heart, so simple that it has all of us, so simple that it is all about us. That’s the genius of Sean Ellis.
I love the acting of Sean Biggerstaff in the film. Like Ben, I do believe that the body of human is a perfect art by the Creator. Man with stroopped eyes, blue while in silence, shining while with smile, is embodied with rich thoughts. His innocent face is perfect for a character between a man and a boy, so real and natural.
I am longing for some cashback as well.
Things they nv know
People say I am always smiling. The thing they never know is, my mouth is a little bit droopy so I have to smile a lot in order not to be regarded as cool and arrogant;
People say I am always confident in public. The thing they never know is, my feet are always shaking and my hands are always cold when on stage, the confidence on my face is kind of acting to cheat myself and others, I wear this mask for so so long that people started to recognize it as my true face.
People say I am always lively and enlightening. The thing they never know is, I go back to my own cave as a Martian rather than a Venusian and lick my own wounds, without telling anybody else. Sometimes I sream and cry helplessly and next minute I come out of my cave and sing alound like it has never happened.
People say I am too rational to fall in love. The thing they never know is, I might probably totally blind when it comes to me. Therefore I hestitate a lot and wait for someone to find me and make me fall rather than searching on my own. Unfortunately None could see me through. I was always the one of their regarded-to-be.
People say I look away when they look at me. The thing they never know is, I am not losing my patience or distracting my attention, I am just too shy to stare.
People all have their own secrets. So do I. The thing we never know is, is it better to let them out or still collect them in our chests? We have been seeking for answers to this all our lives. It seems speaking is the easiest way to achieve while it is the most difficult way to practice. Therefore, some turn to music and become composers, some turn to writing and become writers, some turn to performance and become actors, some turn to religion and become believers, some turn to drawing and become painters...Everyone of us are sussing one special way to clean the dust that has been accumulating in our chests for too long, and then clear a little bit more space for more secrets in the coming life journey.
The things I never know, is what drives me to move forward, to seek for an answer, which might be an unknown forever.
People say I am always confident in public. The thing they never know is, my feet are always shaking and my hands are always cold when on stage, the confidence on my face is kind of acting to cheat myself and others, I wear this mask for so so long that people started to recognize it as my true face.
People say I am always lively and enlightening. The thing they never know is, I go back to my own cave as a Martian rather than a Venusian and lick my own wounds, without telling anybody else. Sometimes I sream and cry helplessly and next minute I come out of my cave and sing alound like it has never happened.
People say I am too rational to fall in love. The thing they never know is, I might probably totally blind when it comes to me. Therefore I hestitate a lot and wait for someone to find me and make me fall rather than searching on my own. Unfortunately None could see me through. I was always the one of their regarded-to-be.
People say I look away when they look at me. The thing they never know is, I am not losing my patience or distracting my attention, I am just too shy to stare.
People all have their own secrets. So do I. The thing we never know is, is it better to let them out or still collect them in our chests? We have been seeking for answers to this all our lives. It seems speaking is the easiest way to achieve while it is the most difficult way to practice. Therefore, some turn to music and become composers, some turn to writing and become writers, some turn to performance and become actors, some turn to religion and become believers, some turn to drawing and become painters...Everyone of us are sussing one special way to clean the dust that has been accumulating in our chests for too long, and then clear a little bit more space for more secrets in the coming life journey.
The things I never know, is what drives me to move forward, to seek for an answer, which might be an unknown forever.
FB vs. Reality
I decided to farewell to Facebook for 2 weeks and deactivated my account before going to bed last night. The website is drug to me. Since July 07 I signed up a profile called “Gloria Xiao”, in 4 months’time, I have 402 friends and more than 500 wall posts on my profile, most of them are friends I knew and met. The Facebook effect is really out of my expectation. My first Love Letter (does it count? I don’t know, but at least I let someone know some idiot existed) was sent on Facebook via Inbox Msg, more than 1,000 words, I guess I have broken the record of the longest Facebook inbox msg. I read the main page at least 5 times a day, with frequently-updated status and albums; even myself 100% believe that I am so addicted to it.
A lot of ppl asked me why I wanna deactivate my account; they thought I am a super fan of Facebook. I am. I know the reason but I don’t know how to express it, all I could say was I wanna have a rest. Today when I read an excellent article, I saw this quote, and it is perfect to explain all.
“ A lot of things are just like a porn movie, ppl who watch it feel excited while ppl who act feel not.”
So are my Facebook profile and my MSN Space.
About half a month ago, I woke up and walked to my balcony, suddenly I felt the coolness of the early fall. I returned to the living room and felt the whole house empty. This is my current life status, compared to an overwhelming environment of a digital world. At a blink of an eye I had the impulse of returning to the reality. So I fixed a date to deactivate my account. When you rely on a fake digital world too much, you will have some kind of fantasy that you are so popular and having a groovy life, and then you ignore the reality. One day you experience the blackout, you are nowhere, nobody in the middle. Time to panic.
I am sick again, the 3rd time within these 30 days. Every time I felt uncomfortable I just wanna hide inside my quilt and sleep like a dead body, thinking that not till I become smelly will people discover me. And I miss home a lot at that moment. Don’t know how many hours have passed when I woke up and sat on my bed crying like a 5-yr old girl, “Mommy, I wanna eat congee!!” I really did.
However, turned on my computer, E-mail piled inbox, MSN was beeping, Facebook is still in carnival. You will only have two kinds of reactions: 1, pretending nothing happened and replying one by one; 2, go to the doctor's or/and take some pills, after all, you are still alive and life goes on.
One friend said, Facebook is communication. Surely it is and a good one, with special meaning to me (I told you above). And it seems I am quite good at taking advantage of it making friends. But, I prefer the reality, face-to-face communication, of which I still haven’t lost my skill.
In a relaxing afternoon or a cozy night, drinking something really refreshing with someone(no alcohol to Gloria but mostly alcohol to my friends) in a nice restaurant or bar with light music, or at the balcony with breeze,listening to his/her voice with different tones, telling their stories with unfolded emotions, watching his/her smiles,even tears,and different facial expressions, natural eye-contacts, giving each other support and moment of peace, leaving no time to trim all your words, be a real me and you.
Facebook? I will be back in due course, by the time I change whatever I can in reality. By that time, will u still remember me?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
A lot of ppl asked me why I wanna deactivate my account; they thought I am a super fan of Facebook. I am. I know the reason but I don’t know how to express it, all I could say was I wanna have a rest. Today when I read an excellent article, I saw this quote, and it is perfect to explain all.
“ A lot of things are just like a porn movie, ppl who watch it feel excited while ppl who act feel not.”
So are my Facebook profile and my MSN Space.
About half a month ago, I woke up and walked to my balcony, suddenly I felt the coolness of the early fall. I returned to the living room and felt the whole house empty. This is my current life status, compared to an overwhelming environment of a digital world. At a blink of an eye I had the impulse of returning to the reality. So I fixed a date to deactivate my account. When you rely on a fake digital world too much, you will have some kind of fantasy that you are so popular and having a groovy life, and then you ignore the reality. One day you experience the blackout, you are nowhere, nobody in the middle. Time to panic.
I am sick again, the 3rd time within these 30 days. Every time I felt uncomfortable I just wanna hide inside my quilt and sleep like a dead body, thinking that not till I become smelly will people discover me. And I miss home a lot at that moment. Don’t know how many hours have passed when I woke up and sat on my bed crying like a 5-yr old girl, “Mommy, I wanna eat congee!!” I really did.
However, turned on my computer, E-mail piled inbox, MSN was beeping, Facebook is still in carnival. You will only have two kinds of reactions: 1, pretending nothing happened and replying one by one; 2, go to the doctor's or/and take some pills, after all, you are still alive and life goes on.
One friend said, Facebook is communication. Surely it is and a good one, with special meaning to me (I told you above). And it seems I am quite good at taking advantage of it making friends. But, I prefer the reality, face-to-face communication, of which I still haven’t lost my skill.
In a relaxing afternoon or a cozy night, drinking something really refreshing with someone(no alcohol to Gloria but mostly alcohol to my friends) in a nice restaurant or bar with light music, or at the balcony with breeze,listening to his/her voice with different tones, telling their stories with unfolded emotions, watching his/her smiles,even tears,and different facial expressions, natural eye-contacts, giving each other support and moment of peace, leaving no time to trim all your words, be a real me and you.
Facebook? I will be back in due course, by the time I change whatever I can in reality. By that time, will u still remember me?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Interpersonal Dynamics
The last day I stayed in D&V, my manager signed me up for an internal training, since I told him I like learning communication stuff. I didn't expect much, but what I gained in that half day is really inspiring. The Theory of 4 kinds of brains, etc. Apart from that, that was what I learnt.
Everyone was sitting on the chair. The lecturer said:
"hold your hand up in the air, as highest as you can."
Everyone was trying hard to stretch to the highest.
"Higher, higher, higher!!!" He pushed.
Everyone kept on trying, thinking that they're doing their best.
Suddenly one stood up on her feet holding her hand up.
Most of the time, this is the status of a whole society. Everyone is trying their best at the same level with stereotype, the one who thinks in another way stands out, although sometimes it is pretty simple to watch and understand when he/she finished it.
The Lecturer: Now close your eyes.
(Everyone follows)
The Lecturer: don't think of me; please don't think of me, think of anything but me!!
Try it yourself and you will know what u r thinking at that moment.
The more we try to hide from something, the more it annoys you, since you keep on thinking how to get away from it, the image repeats in your brain. All you can do is to face it. Although it may be painful at the beginning, time will cure.
Everyone was sitting on the chair. The lecturer said:
"hold your hand up in the air, as highest as you can."
Everyone was trying hard to stretch to the highest.
"Higher, higher, higher!!!" He pushed.
Everyone kept on trying, thinking that they're doing their best.
Suddenly one stood up on her feet holding her hand up.
Most of the time, this is the status of a whole society. Everyone is trying their best at the same level with stereotype, the one who thinks in another way stands out, although sometimes it is pretty simple to watch and understand when he/she finished it.
The Lecturer: Now close your eyes.
(Everyone follows)
The Lecturer: don't think of me; please don't think of me, think of anything but me!!
Try it yourself and you will know what u r thinking at that moment.
The more we try to hide from something, the more it annoys you, since you keep on thinking how to get away from it, the image repeats in your brain. All you can do is to face it. Although it may be painful at the beginning, time will cure.
Reasons of Insomnia
During a free chat with a senior woman, she suddenly said:
"There're only two reasons why men cannot fall asleep at night:
MONEY AND WOMEN. Nothing more."
"Too many reasons why women cannot fall asleep at night." I know it is true.
"Why is that?" I asked.
"Simple. Men are stupid."
I lol. However I don't agree. Actually it only shows the different structures of male and female's brains. Men start from a simple root and expand the mind map, while women start from many roots and shrink to one goal. E.g.
Men: I want the right woman——I need fortune——ways to make fortune——then it expands and he tries all the ways till the day he gets the woman.
Women: I want a man, I want fortune, I want a good family, I want....——fortune is not that practical at the moment, then delete it——it goes on and shrinks till one thing left, she only needs a good man and she gets fortune and a good family.
That's what I called "The ideal structure of mind between two sex", while men and women might not get the ideal results of their thinking, so...
They get the Insomnia.
"There're only two reasons why men cannot fall asleep at night:
MONEY AND WOMEN. Nothing more."
"Too many reasons why women cannot fall asleep at night." I know it is true.
"Why is that?" I asked.
"Simple. Men are stupid."
I lol. However I don't agree. Actually it only shows the different structures of male and female's brains. Men start from a simple root and expand the mind map, while women start from many roots and shrink to one goal. E.g.
Men: I want the right woman——I need fortune——ways to make fortune——then it expands and he tries all the ways till the day he gets the woman.
Women: I want a man, I want fortune, I want a good family, I want....——fortune is not that practical at the moment, then delete it——it goes on and shrinks till one thing left, she only needs a good man and she gets fortune and a good family.
That's what I called "The ideal structure of mind between two sex", while men and women might not get the ideal results of their thinking, so...
They get the Insomnia.
Let it be?
Suddenly found out too much weight on my shoulders, I cannot stand straight, I cannot breathe.
Too many problems came by and made me insecure.
I just keep trying to be a simple but happy girl, maintaining my purity and confidence. Why is it so so so difficult?
The most terrible moment is when you are ready to cry while cannot find a tear, so hopeless that you are as calm as your heart stops beating.
Maybe this time, I really need to drink hard and forget who I am.
How to let go? Or even let it be?
I need back-up. I don't want to be the so-called "independent and assertive Gloria of all trades" anymore. I need it simple and easy.
I wanna be a kid again.
Too many problems came by and made me insecure.
I just keep trying to be a simple but happy girl, maintaining my purity and confidence. Why is it so so so difficult?
The most terrible moment is when you are ready to cry while cannot find a tear, so hopeless that you are as calm as your heart stops beating.
Maybe this time, I really need to drink hard and forget who I am.
How to let go? Or even let it be?
I need back-up. I don't want to be the so-called "independent and assertive Gloria of all trades" anymore. I need it simple and easy.
I wanna be a kid again.
Anthropological Linguistic: Sex Metaphor
According to Floyd, sex can be the reason to explain all.
A good friend of mine, who is now studying Anthropological Linguistic in Cambridge, sent me an interesting Sex Metaphor based on this:
Suppose it is true, then we can play a little freaky puzzle to compare sex to different elements, because it is all about the way you see, hear, smell, taste and touch, all about your spirit and body. And she sent a request to frds to create a sex puzzle, the key should be related to a very common object.
Well, that’s the time she tried to challenge my imagination, writing skill and my linguistic background. I doubted. How can I create sth. without knowing the main metaphor element?
But I hate to say “I CANNOT”. And it is not totally impossible. Actually quoted an American Linguist’s in his book, “the inspiration of writing is not based on real life; it is based on your passion and imagination about the real life.”And that’s the test to see how creative you are.
Anyway, I shall give a try. So I wrote this, from several friends’ words and I got some inspiration…
Ok, now it is puzzle time. Read it though with the sex metaphor, and guess:
What / Who is the HE (can be SHE for straight guys) here?
(See my tips below if you cannot get it…)
He came when I was unaware of
And invaded my body
Kissing every inch of my skin
So tender and warm
And then
He faded when I was unaware of
As he never came
The next morning
In front of the mirror
Naked
I saw the traces of his fingers
The spots of his kisses
Clearly，deeply
With pain
On my back
On my neck
As rosy as my face
Where a smile dancing
With rhythm of heartbeat
Wild, wild
See how creative your answer is and I will give the answer to this puzzle,lol.
Comment on my Facebook: Wang Yajun wrote
at 2:02am well. shouldn't we use our native language if she wants it for research? does it matter if we use a foreign language?
your poem is really good, and beautiful - just that i don't feel it very sexual, to be honest.
save me from the play of words. but thx for the invitation. hehe. language is too lame to convey the feelings for such a topic. Gloria Xiao wrote
at 8:50am Dear, thx for your comment~It seems we are building the wall here...
"language is too lame to convey the feelings for such a topic." and that's exactly what I thought of when seeing her request, it seemed still a failure since I know nothing about this topic either, so I said "give it a try", lol, so let it be a poem from an innocent girl poet...Being too sexual will ruin the romance and being X-rated...no good~
I am still living in my own beautiful dream somehow, seeing this real world and understand those good old days cracking words and grammar in the Library can never come again, while too reluctant to go back to the ivory tower, and somewhat I envy you...
Come and purify my soul again, haha...
A good friend of mine, who is now studying Anthropological Linguistic in Cambridge, sent me an interesting Sex Metaphor based on this:
Suppose it is true, then we can play a little freaky puzzle to compare sex to different elements, because it is all about the way you see, hear, smell, taste and touch, all about your spirit and body. And she sent a request to frds to create a sex puzzle, the key should be related to a very common object.
Well, that’s the time she tried to challenge my imagination, writing skill and my linguistic background. I doubted. How can I create sth. without knowing the main metaphor element?
But I hate to say “I CANNOT”. And it is not totally impossible. Actually quoted an American Linguist’s in his book, “the inspiration of writing is not based on real life; it is based on your passion and imagination about the real life.”And that’s the test to see how creative you are.
Anyway, I shall give a try. So I wrote this, from several friends’ words and I got some inspiration…
Ok, now it is puzzle time. Read it though with the sex metaphor, and guess:
What / Who is the HE (can be SHE for straight guys) here?
(See my tips below if you cannot get it…)
He came when I was unaware of
And invaded my body
Kissing every inch of my skin
So tender and warm
And then
He faded when I was unaware of
As he never came
The next morning
In front of the mirror
Naked
I saw the traces of his fingers
The spots of his kisses
Clearly，deeply
With pain
On my back
On my neck
As rosy as my face
Where a smile dancing
With rhythm of heartbeat
Wild, wild
See how creative your answer is and I will give the answer to this puzzle,lol.
Comment on my Facebook: Wang Yajun wrote
at 2:02am well. shouldn't we use our native language if she wants it for research? does it matter if we use a foreign language?
your poem is really good, and beautiful - just that i don't feel it very sexual, to be honest.
save me from the play of words. but thx for the invitation. hehe. language is too lame to convey the feelings for such a topic. Gloria Xiao wrote
at 8:50am Dear, thx for your comment~It seems we are building the wall here...
"language is too lame to convey the feelings for such a topic." and that's exactly what I thought of when seeing her request, it seemed still a failure since I know nothing about this topic either, so I said "give it a try", lol, so let it be a poem from an innocent girl poet...Being too sexual will ruin the romance and being X-rated...no good~
I am still living in my own beautiful dream somehow, seeing this real world and understand those good old days cracking words and grammar in the Library can never come again, while too reluctant to go back to the ivory tower, and somewhat I envy you...
Come and purify my soul again, haha...
Modern Relationship in HK
HK, as its meaning in Chinese, “the port of fragrance”, for people like me, it is just for temporary parking. No matter how small this Oriental Pearl is, no matter how familiar we are with all locations, still we feel like only passers-by in this city.
And some of us, become the familiar strangers. We used to know each other quite well, while now too awkward to become friends and even to communicate with.
Many are suffering from the relationship. They left their hometown and met in this city. The chemistry was on. After dating a couple of times, one was assigned to another city, leaving without calling this relationship an end, or having to call it an end.
Relationship was kind of distorted today. We can probably work in the same building and meet many times in the lift without talking, while could be MSN friends in a second without seeing each other. Relationship can be easy and fast like instant noodles, while sometimes too bland to endure the test of time and distance. Or rather, people are just too tired and too lazy to maintain long-term relationship, or lack of confidence to maintain?
I have been seeking for this answer but in vain.
Till one day I promiscuously reviewed a friend’s note on FB. Her anthropology study subject is about unmarried women’s abortion, which means she has to get approach to a world where people-like her and me-have never been, and people we have never known before. After a lot of conversations, she had a question: why we can communicate with strangers that well while it didn’t work out for many people we know and love?
And this time as an outsider, I finally found the point.
Communications are easy with strangers. We don't need to worry what we would expose in front of them, however for people we know, we fear of what people will regard us by the way we talk and behave, since we don't even know or trust ourselves. Once we do, the relationship is doomed. As time goes by, the period to mourn gets shorter and shorter, till one day, we don’t feel any excitement, even when true love is on its way getting close by, we doubt, we numb, and we fear, at last we refuse and deny.
In HK, with too tremendous speed and too surprising change of life and work, it is easy to make it come true.
I always wander alone around the island. I see the debauchery, with my eyes and with my mind. This city is as colorful as a huge dye vat, I feel like walking on the rim of it, watching people dyeing into different colors in it and imagined myself of how I would become, while too coward to jump in.
Today I am still wandering around the city with my great sentimentalism. Today I am still wondering, when will I run into someone, who is also walking on the rim, or, when will I be brave enough to jump?
And some of us, become the familiar strangers. We used to know each other quite well, while now too awkward to become friends and even to communicate with.
Many are suffering from the relationship. They left their hometown and met in this city. The chemistry was on. After dating a couple of times, one was assigned to another city, leaving without calling this relationship an end, or having to call it an end.
Relationship was kind of distorted today. We can probably work in the same building and meet many times in the lift without talking, while could be MSN friends in a second without seeing each other. Relationship can be easy and fast like instant noodles, while sometimes too bland to endure the test of time and distance. Or rather, people are just too tired and too lazy to maintain long-term relationship, or lack of confidence to maintain?
I have been seeking for this answer but in vain.
Till one day I promiscuously reviewed a friend’s note on FB. Her anthropology study subject is about unmarried women’s abortion, which means she has to get approach to a world where people-like her and me-have never been, and people we have never known before. After a lot of conversations, she had a question: why we can communicate with strangers that well while it didn’t work out for many people we know and love?
And this time as an outsider, I finally found the point.
Communications are easy with strangers. We don't need to worry what we would expose in front of them, however for people we know, we fear of what people will regard us by the way we talk and behave, since we don't even know or trust ourselves. Once we do, the relationship is doomed. As time goes by, the period to mourn gets shorter and shorter, till one day, we don’t feel any excitement, even when true love is on its way getting close by, we doubt, we numb, and we fear, at last we refuse and deny.
In HK, with too tremendous speed and too surprising change of life and work, it is easy to make it come true.
I always wander alone around the island. I see the debauchery, with my eyes and with my mind. This city is as colorful as a huge dye vat, I feel like walking on the rim of it, watching people dyeing into different colors in it and imagined myself of how I would become, while too coward to jump in.
Today I am still wandering around the city with my great sentimentalism. Today I am still wondering, when will I run into someone, who is also walking on the rim, or, when will I be brave enough to jump?
Good Dream, Mom
The moment I was about to step out of the gate, I said to my Mom, come on, give a hug. I held her tight in hands like a kid and she giggled. For Chinese, even families, we seldom hug each others. But I felt like doing it at that very moment.
I went downstairs and saw her stand still; I waved hand and shouted, bye, and go back to take your nap! She nodded and disappeared behind the gate.
The moment I felt like our roles had changed, I became her Mom and she obeyed to me. It was my greatest wish when I was a kid, however, at this moment, I had the faintest idea of excites, instead, loads of worries. I felt tears flowing up in my veins to my neck, to my nose, I swiftly took a deep breath and restrained them coming out of my eyes.
My mom has been experiencing insomnia for years, and it gets worse and worse. Sometimes she couldn’t fall asleep for more than 10 continuous nights. No doctors could tell the reason. She now takes dozens of pills per night before sleep to maintain 6 sleeping hours.
I dare not mention a word about her illness, and she didn’t say anything about it. We both feared letting each other worried. And my Dad didn't mention it either. He did very little talking and never figured out how to show love. I used to think he preferred a son than a daughter and turned cold eyes to me when I was a kid. Till one day I finally realized, silence is his way. Watching me talking, laughing, eating and sometimes slightly patting me on the shoulder or on the head.
He was my private driver when I was home these days, driving me around with his new car to do shopping, book tickets and do other stuff. He even snoozed while sitting on the chair waiting for my trying on shoes and clothes in different shops. I know he is one of the most post-shopping men alive, but all he asked was about my next destination without complaining a word.
That day on the way home my Dad stopped his car and I heard his voice from the front seat,
All your Mom worry is about u. Listen to everything she says when at home and don’t argue with her.
I didn’t reply and I lost my mind while wheels rolling. Actually I knew that answer long long ago. I was even too selfish to admit that, I feared to take my responsibility to her insomnia. I don’t think I have anything she could worry about, but she always has something to worry, my weight, my health, my dining, my singledom, my over-strong personality as female, and even the freaky fortune-telling.
That’s why sometimes I feel so reluctant to go home even when I was terribly homesick, since I know it will get worse after coming back, I rather give up the moment of sweetness and love, in case it is overwhelmed and made me drown. It would be the same to my parents.
Be strong, Mom, your daughter has her own oath and destiny. If none can change it as the fortune told, then live our lives, and make our lives.
Good dream tonight, tomorrow night, and every night afterwards.
Kiss & Hug
I went downstairs and saw her stand still; I waved hand and shouted, bye, and go back to take your nap! She nodded and disappeared behind the gate.
The moment I felt like our roles had changed, I became her Mom and she obeyed to me. It was my greatest wish when I was a kid, however, at this moment, I had the faintest idea of excites, instead, loads of worries. I felt tears flowing up in my veins to my neck, to my nose, I swiftly took a deep breath and restrained them coming out of my eyes.
My mom has been experiencing insomnia for years, and it gets worse and worse. Sometimes she couldn’t fall asleep for more than 10 continuous nights. No doctors could tell the reason. She now takes dozens of pills per night before sleep to maintain 6 sleeping hours.
I dare not mention a word about her illness, and she didn’t say anything about it. We both feared letting each other worried. And my Dad didn't mention it either. He did very little talking and never figured out how to show love. I used to think he preferred a son than a daughter and turned cold eyes to me when I was a kid. Till one day I finally realized, silence is his way. Watching me talking, laughing, eating and sometimes slightly patting me on the shoulder or on the head.
He was my private driver when I was home these days, driving me around with his new car to do shopping, book tickets and do other stuff. He even snoozed while sitting on the chair waiting for my trying on shoes and clothes in different shops. I know he is one of the most post-shopping men alive, but all he asked was about my next destination without complaining a word.
That day on the way home my Dad stopped his car and I heard his voice from the front seat,
All your Mom worry is about u. Listen to everything she says when at home and don’t argue with her.
I didn’t reply and I lost my mind while wheels rolling. Actually I knew that answer long long ago. I was even too selfish to admit that, I feared to take my responsibility to her insomnia. I don’t think I have anything she could worry about, but she always has something to worry, my weight, my health, my dining, my singledom, my over-strong personality as female, and even the freaky fortune-telling.
That’s why sometimes I feel so reluctant to go home even when I was terribly homesick, since I know it will get worse after coming back, I rather give up the moment of sweetness and love, in case it is overwhelmed and made me drown. It would be the same to my parents.
Be strong, Mom, your daughter has her own oath and destiny. If none can change it as the fortune told, then live our lives, and make our lives.
Good dream tonight, tomorrow night, and every night afterwards.
Kiss & Hug
Nanny Diaries-Who Am I?
Jan 10, 2008 5:21 PM
My eyes are terribly dry today, since I stayed up till 2am watching the movie Nanny Diaries. I laughed, cried, laughed, cried for couple of times.
A month ago I saw this book in Page One; I didn’t have much expectation for it but only regarded it as a relaxing comedy. However, the very first time, I feel like writing sth. for a movie as usual but I don’t know what to write. Blank. Totally blank. My screen, my mind.
A horror, it seems to me. For those questions I am seeking for answers for long now become more ambiguous and complicated, for those thoughts I dare not face with get more intimated and real, for those I can do but hesitated a lot now are more positive and seductive, for those I don’t wanna do but force to do in the future now I feel so terrible about them.
If you are female, you are single and young, you am ambitious and passionate for your career path, then just watch this movie and ask yourself some questions:
Who Am I? Did I find myself?
What’s my dream? Getting a good job? Marry a rich husband? Living like a Manhattan East Side Housewife? Or???
Did I see my red umbrella? Did I try to grab it and leave my feet out of the ground?
For me? A lot more. Where do I wanna stay? What do I wanna do? What can I do? What I am looking for? Do I wanna get married? Who or what should I get attached with?
What’s the meaning of all these? Does “meaning” itself mean something??
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh….my headache comes again….
My eyes are terribly dry today, since I stayed up till 2am watching the movie Nanny Diaries. I laughed, cried, laughed, cried for couple of times.
A month ago I saw this book in Page One; I didn’t have much expectation for it but only regarded it as a relaxing comedy. However, the very first time, I feel like writing sth. for a movie as usual but I don’t know what to write. Blank. Totally blank. My screen, my mind.
A horror, it seems to me. For those questions I am seeking for answers for long now become more ambiguous and complicated, for those thoughts I dare not face with get more intimated and real, for those I can do but hesitated a lot now are more positive and seductive, for those I don’t wanna do but force to do in the future now I feel so terrible about them.
If you are female, you are single and young, you am ambitious and passionate for your career path, then just watch this movie and ask yourself some questions:
Who Am I? Did I find myself?
What’s my dream? Getting a good job? Marry a rich husband? Living like a Manhattan East Side Housewife? Or???
Did I see my red umbrella? Did I try to grab it and leave my feet out of the ground?
For me? A lot more. Where do I wanna stay? What do I wanna do? What can I do? What I am looking for? Do I wanna get married? Who or what should I get attached with?
What’s the meaning of all these? Does “meaning” itself mean something??
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh….my headache comes again….
Social Anthropology-Gender Appeal
One of my greatest hobbies is to observe people around me, unconsciously and consciously. That’s why most of the time I won’t feel lonely but happy instead while walking alone in the city or crowded area. I love to be surrounded by people while thinking and doing stuff on my own.
Last Fri. in the office came a pretty girl for an interview. Sweet, bright eyes, a small mouth with a great smile. Mmmm….a typical type who would turn men on. I looked around this all-men environment and predicted that apparently something would happen, let’s wait and see…
She sat down waiting for her name called.
Mr. X came out of the toilet. He kept on walking with his normal stride, suddenly stopped for 1 second while seeing her. He started walking towards his desk but slower and turned his head backwards. At the same time he held up his Walkie-talkie to the mouth, but nothing spoken.
Bingo No. 1.
Mr. Y came out of the changing room. He passed her when she was called into the interview room. His mouth slightly opened, stopped and starred at her for 1 second and swiftly kept on walking. He stopped again in front of my desk and watched her back for around 5 second. His face changed. It was so hilarious to see his funny expression that I couldn’t help LOL all of a sudden burying my face in my notebook.
Bingo No.2.
Well, well, well. It is known to all the Gender Appeal exists since the first ape evolutes into the first human on the earth (or rather the Adam & Eve or similar stories if you have religion belief), but have you ever observed the gender appeal around you? During my observations for some time in different subjects and today’s little issue turn my interest on, let me give you some hints about:
How to discover someone is interested in you, sometimes even before himself/herself noticed? But it is only my own observation without any theory support, so believe it or not.
If you found that…
He/She secretly stares you longer than 2 seconds, sometimes looking away or pretending doing something else or giving you a smile (a very confident person) while you look back;
He/She posts a more open gesture while sitting or standing next to you, e.g., he/she sits with his hand put on the back of your chair, he/she talks with a lot of gestures with his/her arms open to you; or others…just think;
He/She unconsciously imitate your gesture, your words, your expression, etc.
He/She from time to time feels like having body contacts, e.g., touching your head, hair, nose, face, arm as while joking or talking, and obviously hand.
Male, while getting drunk or in a dark or crowded area like bar or club, he gets close to you and talk near your ear, which is believed to be the most sensitive part of a woman’s body; (well, although I never think so, I have another part and guess I might not a normal female and it doesn’t work for me, LOL)
He/She pays great attention to his/her own look, e.g., always tidy up his/her clothes, look at the mirror, re-make up, tidy his/her hair, etc.
Then congratulations, you have your gender appeal to him/her. If you also feel something on that one, good luck, baby! If you don’t, well, be polite, maybe you can become good friends later if you don’t wanna burst the bubble.
Then how to show your interest back, ladies? Well, I am intended to teach you here since I am not a guru on this side and I didn’t officially try. But if you would like to know, private…
Actually a lot of Social Anthropology Theories are very obvious if you keep an eye on it. But most people are head over heel while meeting someone he/she really likes and it screws everything including your ability to judge. Keep a clear head and mind for a long term relationship.
Mmm, I should work on another subject on Social Anthropology very soon…
Last Fri. in the office came a pretty girl for an interview. Sweet, bright eyes, a small mouth with a great smile. Mmmm….a typical type who would turn men on. I looked around this all-men environment and predicted that apparently something would happen, let’s wait and see…
She sat down waiting for her name called.
Mr. X came out of the toilet. He kept on walking with his normal stride, suddenly stopped for 1 second while seeing her. He started walking towards his desk but slower and turned his head backwards. At the same time he held up his Walkie-talkie to the mouth, but nothing spoken.
Bingo No. 1.
Mr. Y came out of the changing room. He passed her when she was called into the interview room. His mouth slightly opened, stopped and starred at her for 1 second and swiftly kept on walking. He stopped again in front of my desk and watched her back for around 5 second. His face changed. It was so hilarious to see his funny expression that I couldn’t help LOL all of a sudden burying my face in my notebook.
Bingo No.2.
Well, well, well. It is known to all the Gender Appeal exists since the first ape evolutes into the first human on the earth (or rather the Adam & Eve or similar stories if you have religion belief), but have you ever observed the gender appeal around you? During my observations for some time in different subjects and today’s little issue turn my interest on, let me give you some hints about:
How to discover someone is interested in you, sometimes even before himself/herself noticed? But it is only my own observation without any theory support, so believe it or not.
If you found that…
He/She secretly stares you longer than 2 seconds, sometimes looking away or pretending doing something else or giving you a smile (a very confident person) while you look back;
He/She posts a more open gesture while sitting or standing next to you, e.g., he/she sits with his hand put on the back of your chair, he/she talks with a lot of gestures with his/her arms open to you; or others…just think;
He/She unconsciously imitate your gesture, your words, your expression, etc.
He/She from time to time feels like having body contacts, e.g., touching your head, hair, nose, face, arm as while joking or talking, and obviously hand.
Male, while getting drunk or in a dark or crowded area like bar or club, he gets close to you and talk near your ear, which is believed to be the most sensitive part of a woman’s body; (well, although I never think so, I have another part and guess I might not a normal female and it doesn’t work for me, LOL)
He/She pays great attention to his/her own look, e.g., always tidy up his/her clothes, look at the mirror, re-make up, tidy his/her hair, etc.
Then congratulations, you have your gender appeal to him/her. If you also feel something on that one, good luck, baby! If you don’t, well, be polite, maybe you can become good friends later if you don’t wanna burst the bubble.
Then how to show your interest back, ladies? Well, I am intended to teach you here since I am not a guru on this side and I didn’t officially try. But if you would like to know, private…
Actually a lot of Social Anthropology Theories are very obvious if you keep an eye on it. But most people are head over heel while meeting someone he/she really likes and it screws everything including your ability to judge. Keep a clear head and mind for a long term relationship.
Mmm, I should work on another subject on Social Anthropology very soon…
My Blueberry Nights
The first time Jude Law licked the cream left on the lips of Norah Jones, she was still in a dream, however a peaceful smile appeared on her cheeks.
Suddenly I felt greasily sweet but extremely happy.
Freezing, sweet and soft. My first sip of School Bus Smoothes. I was sitting in Café O at 5am, a 24hr restaurant in Central. Red light, organic food, delicate decoration, you couldn’t smell any stronger European Relaxation. The four of us chilled freely, however my attention was drawn by the Heineken bottles held in two German gentlemen’s hands, which have been re-ordered for times. Seeing the liquid level gradually dropping every few seconds the bottles held up, I wondered what is German’s liver made of…
I took a glance at the open kitchen while they went out smoking. A very young waiter was counting a pile of cash. Chestnut-colored hair, thick eyebrows, an apron over his white T-shirt. He raised his head and saw my eyes, so he gave me a gentle smile.
A Jude Law Smile.
“When you run a café, you get used to customers coming and going, without an explanation, probably none of my business. ” That’s what Jude said in that movie.
We got off the tram at Pedder Street, going up on the flagstones along Pottinger Street. I saw Noel while standing outside Soda. A man I saw several times on Facebook and always received his invitations to events. I was in FINDS at his Farewell Party but not going for him, I was at his B-day Party in JJ’s but not going for him either, I saw him in our common friend’s album, I saw him in person many times in different locations, I even know his position, but we never knew each others, not even saying Hello.
Neither this time.
There are so many passers-by in our life. Our seeing and hearing has been overloaded. Even a lot of people we know are passers-by too, only in some certain situations, each of us remembered ONE MOMENT because we felt the same way. But who knows, with the increase of time and decline of our memories, how long can that moment keep fresh in our hearts? And what’s the reason to keep fresh? What’s the reason to forget?
Just like…the Blueberry Pie which has never been ordered.
Norah Jones (Elizabeth): So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?
Jude Law (Jeremy): There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.
Norah: Wait! I want a piece!
With white cream left on her lips, she fell asleep on the lounge.
Leaning on each other, Lisa and I slept on the sofa at Azure, 29/F, LKF Tower. It was 3am. I think I didn’t fall asleep. My ears were full. Hips Don’t Lie Remix, Girlfriend Remix, music I didn’t know, Pool hitting, people screaming, couple flirting, etc.
Until the DJ shut “It is closing time!”
We got up and walked out. I didn’t know what I was doing. Just like the gang who were dead drunk, didn’t know what they were doing, surprisingly all kneed down while we were in the same lift, singing wildly with a language I didn’t understand, and blocked the lift door singing on and on. I couldn’t think of any other reaction except laughing out loud all my way.
Well, after all we all did what we loved to do. You can be dead drunk, you can be bored and slept in the club, nothing right, nothing wrong, making senses or not. Nobody knows what would happen in the next minute.
But to grab your own life.
Norah Jones stood in street, raised her head and saw her boyfriend was with someone else in the window. The first time she left the keys in Jude Law’s bar and quietly waited, nobody came; the second time she took the keys back, having a great fight; finally she chose to leave leaving the keys there.
“How to say goodbye to someone you can’t imagine living without？I didn’t say goodbye, I didn’t say anything. I just walked away. At the end of that night, I decided to take the longest way to cross the street.”
A non-stopped tram journey for 5 hrs within a day. I think I was totally insane. 5:30pm, from Quarry Bay to Witty Street in 1.5hrs, a Tram B-day Party for 3 hrs, and from Witty Street to Pedder Street for half an hour and walked all the way up to LKF. 11:45pm.
However, the first time I found that sitting on the tram could be that exciting. Delicious food, unplugged music, Birthday cake, wishes, jokes, a troop of happy friends.
I thought tram was a symbol of rebellion, a remains out of modernization, a evidence of a continuous memory of the old times on HK Island, where owns the most developed transportation, the most valuable time, the most debauchery entertainment, the most affluent life. Driven by a sawtooth coin, Ding-Ding, slowly it moves forward with an unchanged lane.
I always slept on the tram to reduce the sin of wasting time, or leaning on the wooden framed window, watching people, vehicles and others along the lane, regarding it as a journey of never ends. A journey called pondering and discovering. Then I shall not have wasted my time.
And today I am sure I did not.
LIFE. In Chinese, it means to be born and to exist. It’s supposed to be a day-after-day repentance, repeating our heartbeats and breath, repeating our dining and sleep. What we cannot change yet never stop changing are time, location and people, however what we can change are our ways and altitudes of existence based on time, location and people.
“It’s been nearly a year to get here. It wasn’t so hard to cross the street after all. It depends on who is waiting for you on the other side.”
Norah Jones finally returned to the bar. Jude Law still kept her plate for pie along the lounge. She ordered a Blueberry Pie, and slept on the lounge.
He licked the cream left on her lips and they kissed. On the picture the Blueberry Juice slowly floated into the layers of the pie, and melt together. Jazz music was playing with drums, with a lazy female voice.
Penny Dai was singing “The Love I want” with her lazy voice in my iTune, I sat on my bed eating biscuits bite by bite while watching My Blueberry Nights, the chippings dropped from my finger tips, lying on my skin of my chest.
But I just licked my dried lips with my tongue.
Just like…an aftertaste of a Blueberry Pie.
Suddenly I felt greasily sweet but extremely happy.
Freezing, sweet and soft. My first sip of School Bus Smoothes. I was sitting in Café O at 5am, a 24hr restaurant in Central. Red light, organic food, delicate decoration, you couldn’t smell any stronger European Relaxation. The four of us chilled freely, however my attention was drawn by the Heineken bottles held in two German gentlemen’s hands, which have been re-ordered for times. Seeing the liquid level gradually dropping every few seconds the bottles held up, I wondered what is German’s liver made of…
I took a glance at the open kitchen while they went out smoking. A very young waiter was counting a pile of cash. Chestnut-colored hair, thick eyebrows, an apron over his white T-shirt. He raised his head and saw my eyes, so he gave me a gentle smile.
A Jude Law Smile.
“When you run a café, you get used to customers coming and going, without an explanation, probably none of my business. ” That’s what Jude said in that movie.
We got off the tram at Pedder Street, going up on the flagstones along Pottinger Street. I saw Noel while standing outside Soda. A man I saw several times on Facebook and always received his invitations to events. I was in FINDS at his Farewell Party but not going for him, I was at his B-day Party in JJ’s but not going for him either, I saw him in our common friend’s album, I saw him in person many times in different locations, I even know his position, but we never knew each others, not even saying Hello.
Neither this time.
There are so many passers-by in our life. Our seeing and hearing has been overloaded. Even a lot of people we know are passers-by too, only in some certain situations, each of us remembered ONE MOMENT because we felt the same way. But who knows, with the increase of time and decline of our memories, how long can that moment keep fresh in our hearts? And what’s the reason to keep fresh? What’s the reason to forget?
Just like…the Blueberry Pie which has never been ordered.
Norah Jones (Elizabeth): So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?
Jude Law (Jeremy): There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.
Norah: Wait! I want a piece!
With white cream left on her lips, she fell asleep on the lounge.
Leaning on each other, Lisa and I slept on the sofa at Azure, 29/F, LKF Tower. It was 3am. I think I didn’t fall asleep. My ears were full. Hips Don’t Lie Remix, Girlfriend Remix, music I didn’t know, Pool hitting, people screaming, couple flirting, etc.
Until the DJ shut “It is closing time!”
We got up and walked out. I didn’t know what I was doing. Just like the gang who were dead drunk, didn’t know what they were doing, surprisingly all kneed down while we were in the same lift, singing wildly with a language I didn’t understand, and blocked the lift door singing on and on. I couldn’t think of any other reaction except laughing out loud all my way.
Well, after all we all did what we loved to do. You can be dead drunk, you can be bored and slept in the club, nothing right, nothing wrong, making senses or not. Nobody knows what would happen in the next minute.
But to grab your own life.
Norah Jones stood in street, raised her head and saw her boyfriend was with someone else in the window. The first time she left the keys in Jude Law’s bar and quietly waited, nobody came; the second time she took the keys back, having a great fight; finally she chose to leave leaving the keys there.
“How to say goodbye to someone you can’t imagine living without？I didn’t say goodbye, I didn’t say anything. I just walked away. At the end of that night, I decided to take the longest way to cross the street.”
A non-stopped tram journey for 5 hrs within a day. I think I was totally insane. 5:30pm, from Quarry Bay to Witty Street in 1.5hrs, a Tram B-day Party for 3 hrs, and from Witty Street to Pedder Street for half an hour and walked all the way up to LKF. 11:45pm.
However, the first time I found that sitting on the tram could be that exciting. Delicious food, unplugged music, Birthday cake, wishes, jokes, a troop of happy friends.
I thought tram was a symbol of rebellion, a remains out of modernization, a evidence of a continuous memory of the old times on HK Island, where owns the most developed transportation, the most valuable time, the most debauchery entertainment, the most affluent life. Driven by a sawtooth coin, Ding-Ding, slowly it moves forward with an unchanged lane.
I always slept on the tram to reduce the sin of wasting time, or leaning on the wooden framed window, watching people, vehicles and others along the lane, regarding it as a journey of never ends. A journey called pondering and discovering. Then I shall not have wasted my time.
And today I am sure I did not.
LIFE. In Chinese, it means to be born and to exist. It’s supposed to be a day-after-day repentance, repeating our heartbeats and breath, repeating our dining and sleep. What we cannot change yet never stop changing are time, location and people, however what we can change are our ways and altitudes of existence based on time, location and people.
“It’s been nearly a year to get here. It wasn’t so hard to cross the street after all. It depends on who is waiting for you on the other side.”
Norah Jones finally returned to the bar. Jude Law still kept her plate for pie along the lounge. She ordered a Blueberry Pie, and slept on the lounge.
He licked the cream left on her lips and they kissed. On the picture the Blueberry Juice slowly floated into the layers of the pie, and melt together. Jazz music was playing with drums, with a lazy female voice.
Penny Dai was singing “The Love I want” with her lazy voice in my iTune, I sat on my bed eating biscuits bite by bite while watching My Blueberry Nights, the chippings dropped from my finger tips, lying on my skin of my chest.
But I just licked my dried lips with my tongue.
Just like…an aftertaste of a Blueberry Pie.
She & He
The same name of the bus station, two opposite sides of the road.
They were both waiting.
They saw each others.
They smiled.
They didn't move.
His first bus came.
Hers hadn't.
She rushed to the other side, standing next to him.
They smiled.
They didn't move.
The bus gone.
Her first bus came, on the other side of the road.
She didn't move.
He didn't move.
Her bus gone.
Her second bus came, on the other side of the road.
She took a step, looked at him.
He didn't move.
Her second bus gone.
Her third bus came.
She walked slowly to the other side.
She looked at him.
He smiled.
He didn't move.
She got on the bus.
She cried.
The bus gone.
His second bus came.
He didn't move.
His bus gone.
He rushed to the other side of the road.
No bus came.
He cried.
They were both waiting.
They saw each others.
They smiled.
They didn't move.
His first bus came.
Hers hadn't.
She rushed to the other side, standing next to him.
They smiled.
They didn't move.
The bus gone.
Her first bus came, on the other side of the road.
She didn't move.
He didn't move.
Her bus gone.
Her second bus came, on the other side of the road.
She took a step, looked at him.
He didn't move.
Her second bus gone.
Her third bus came.
She walked slowly to the other side.
She looked at him.
He smiled.
He didn't move.
She got on the bus.
She cried.
The bus gone.
His second bus came.
He didn't move.
His bus gone.
He rushed to the other side of the road.
No bus came.
He cried.
Before Sunrise, Before Sunset
I finished reading the script of Before Sunshine and Before Sunset non-stop in 4 days.
I saw both movies 3 years ago. The lines are still familiar. Those scenes replayed in my brain with the detailed description of Location Notes. between the space of Celine and Jesse’s conversations, I carefully weighed up my change with my fingers rubbing against the rim of the pages.
I did change as expected.
Three years ago, I was thinking, if there is a man I can walk and talk with without feeling bored a whole day, it would be definitely a wonderful memory of life.
Three years after, however, when seeing Winnie quoted: “to seek for a good partner, most importantly, you can talk with him/her quietly without feeling tired within hours.” I could help leaving my comments.
These comments are mostly some thoughts after reading the script, also part of my change of mind lead by a lot of things happened to me. I share with all of you.
Comment I: About Talk
“I feel more and more blur about the line between friendship and relationship. So far in my life there is more than one man who can be talked with within hours, how can they all be my partners? You cannot guarantee the next minute whether you will be sick of his words, or vice versa. And just because you lack of time and communication, you will cherish the time to talk; if talking every day, you won’t be in that mood. "
Two lonely travelers from two different cultural backgrounds, young and good-looking, met in an unfamiliar and beautiful city along their journey. They both loved pondering, had more or less dissatisfactions and expectations towards the world; they were both good at talking and even knew the time limit would be 1 day only, it would be a miracle if the movie wouldn’t touch you in such a perfect setting. Just because of 1 day only, this affection had no attachment of chores and troubles in life; oppositely, in the comparables of reality and beautification of memories, it kept on expanding and became an autography, which has kept for 10 years.
Actually it is the force of time and environment. Hong Kong is happened to be one of those cities, with cultural mix and temporary settlement; most people are stuck in business and loneliness. It seems full and luxurious but empty and panic. And we are all grown-ups, not kids who could cry for a candy. Many people want to vent and let off without knowing from where and to whom. Even when you are willing to talk, others might probably too busy to listen; you are willing to listen, others might probably dare not to say.
In some spectacular situations, starting from some negligible topics and shifting into a serious one, and it happened a man and a woman who are both willing to listen and talk, this conversation can last more than 2 hours, followed with a SMS, MSN, FB, Email or sth. after saying calling it an end.
A lot of male friends would like to listen to me but I am not willing to talk, a number of them would like to talk with me but I am not that interested listening, some are willing to talk and I am willing to listen to but refuse to talk. Counted with my conscious, I have 3-5 male friends we can talk and listen to each other, with 1 to several conversations. They have different relationship status, from different families, classes and countries, but they all have the sensitivity for life from unique perspectives.
The premise of a good talk with a man, is that you should have mutual attractions but no lechery in you. I have to admit the male Hormone, but showing some weird expression in eyes or change the meaning of the topics soon after started, or later sending some disturbing SMS or MSN, sorry, I don’t think we are on the same boat. I hide from you in order to be polite; an emotional person like me will probably use the 3rd finger and 4-letter words when not pleased.
A few great talks have deepened my thoughts and unleashed my ties, like some unknown fragrance, inhaled into my soul. These friends are those I will cherish forever, I maybe say to them for my shyness, but did tattoo in my heart.
Sometimes I also fear that our friendships would be distant for being busy, would be expired or disappeared for being separated someday. Someday, some reasons, our conversations cannot continue anymore. If it does happen, at least something will be remembered in mind, even without noticed.
What will we be in ten years? From now on how many close male friends will I have? Which one might become my partner some day, or zero?
There’s no what-if and cannot say what-if. Time will tell.
Comment II: About Marriage
“And this is basically my view on marriage, a color-faded and broken red thread you endeavor to hold it together, exhausting.”
The background setting of Before Sunset-Jesse got married and had a boy, Celine was still single. A free American youngster who was “Designed to be dissatisfy with everything”, was forced to get married because of the baby and well-behaved, but complained inside; a romantic French girl who worshiped love, turned into an independent green fighter, while disappointed from one relationship after another. They both regarded One Night as their life treasure.
Destiny made a joke on them-couldn’t meet on the appointed date, no any contacts, used to live only 2 streets away in NYC without running into each other. 10 years later they met in Paris, the mutual memory has become a best-seller, a love Waltz, and a comparable to reality. From some extent, they have never separated, like a fuse keeping on burning after blowing off the fire, till the end with an explosion.
Ten years. They both changed, for compromise of life and exhaustion of maturity. They are cautious with their behaviors and words, covering their inside emptiness and desire for each other with seeming happy lives.
But Jesse didn’t give up. His passion was lit on after ten years, endeavor to seek for the current romance he has lost for long. The vain waiting in the Vienna Train Station, the sudden meet-up in Paris, from the Shakespeare & Co.Bookstore to the Le Pure Café to la Promenade Plantée, on the boat, in the car and at Celine’s apartment. He gave up the flight home. He sat on the sofa and laughed at Celine’s dance, holding his left hand up and briefly twirls his wedding ring with his left thumb.
“Baby, you are gonna miss…the…plane….”
“I know.”
Céline continues her dance as the scene fades to black. The movie ended without the end of the story.
What happened after that is no more important. I feel sorry for Jesse’s wife, who was more trivial than a One Day memory ten-year ago, even only a substitute of a beautiful shadow? Meanwhile Celine kept on complaining all her ex-boyfriends asked her out and thanked her for teaching them how to love a woman.
In the movie our eyes all followed Jesse and Celine, we forgot other people and the story out of the story.
Inside and outside marriage the besieged city walk too many survivors. How many of us look pale after taking off the mask?
Don’t know why I feel so horrible and negative about marriage.
A junior high school gathering. Many of my ex-classmates were married and even had kid(s), I felt extremely terrified instead of being jealous;
Met a good high school friend who gave up her career chance and followed her bf after graduation. I felt happy but also worried about her the day I saw the couple. Her bf’s health condition is not that ideal after an illness, dark and too skinny. I txt her after coming back to HK, saying I was worrying about her and the guy she is going to marry; she replied saying she worried about my singledom, “once over 30, you are done.”
All of a sudden I realized we had already walked on two completely different paths, with different views, different thoughts, different values, too difficult to discuss on this problem deeper.
As long as she feels happy.
In my hometown where I had lived for 18 years, she is a woman, I am a freak. A simple golden rule there: All women should be married and give birth, serve their husbands and educate their kids. Unmarried women are all unwanted, married women without kids are all not capable to have kid; unmarried men are all have physical problems; divorced couples are all have personality spots or healthy problems.
For many women, marriage in a receipt. A relationship based on money once has that piece of paper, she will have a 50% account even signing another; a real relationship with that piece of paper seems like a lifetime promise. The point is, a man who would change and betray you, he will. He is not linked to that paper; he would love to sign again if needed. Are all you have given up for marriage worthwhile? Do you have other tools for survival once without the marriage?
For me, marriage is a shoulder pole with two heavy coffers at both ends. Family and career, beauty and health, wife and mother, right and compromise, freedom and constraint, all together to carry for a woman to the end of life.
People who fear and doubt about marriage, are those who will seriously spend time to think about relationship and future, who will seriously treat their and their partners’ life. Think before taking action, once they make up their mind, they will carry on and go straight forward without regret.
The first scene of Before Sunrise, a German couple were quarrelling on the train, which was also the topic they talked. Jesse successfully persuaded Jesse getting off the train with the topic of Marriage, too.
Jesse: “ Alright, alright. Think of it like this. Umm-uh, jump ahead, ten, twenty years, okay, and you're married. Only your marriage doesn't have that same energy that it used to have, you know. You start to blame your husband. You start to think about all those guys you've met in your life, and what MIGHT have happened if you'd picked up with one of them, right? ”
(Céline starts laughing a bit.)
Jesse: “Well, I'm one of those guys. (Points at himself.) That's me, you know, so think of this as time travel, from then, to now, uh, to find out what you're missing out on. See, what this really could be is a gigantic favor to both you and your future husband, to find out that you're not missing out on anything. I'm just as big a loser as he is, totally unmotivated, totally boring, and, uh, you made the right choice, and you're really happy. ”
And he was trapped in marriage after all, becoming his own punch line years later.
I always believe, that there’s no lifetime love but lifetime responsibility. When passion fades away, taking care of each other becomes a habit, a good habit, a successful marriage.
And kid becomes a chip. Recently a new word came into the Webster-a Band-aid Baby. Very vivid, it means a kid that maintains the swinging relationship, just like a Band-aid, covering the bleeding wound.
And wound of love would never recover, even it skins over, it will be a scar with different color.
The wedding day will be a dream to all women, which is my positive thinking for marriage. One day, I might be trapped and become my own punch line.
After all, I am a woman.
Comment III: About Attraction
“It is better to keep some distance off with the one you like. Both of your magnetic fields can attract and repulse each others, till the day your forces neutralize. The feeling is gone.”
If it wasn’t Celine’s grandmother’s funeral that day, they would have met in the Vienna Train Station after 6 months. And then maybe as what they thought, “they start to get to know each other better and they realize that they don't get along at all. ”
I fear so.
I like one person, far more than LIKE. The first time I am being that honest to myself.
I can fall in love with everything, simply because some great feeling running through my veins in a blink of an eye, or a smile dancing on my face which I cannot resist of.
Everything except man.
I admit that I am a rational cold fish. The affection usually a woman has plus 10 times can only speed my heartbeat 1 second.
It took me 3 seasons to understand my feeling.
Within this period we only had a few meet-ups and conversations-peaceful, relaxing and happy. The last time we talked, I found a lot in common.
Within this late period for time we haven’t met, I have been always wondering what he was up to, who he is meeting and talking, and if he might think of me sometimes.
I feel sad for an unknown answer. Some desire inside made me annoyed, mean and self-depressed.
I don’t like the ME who lost the ability to judge. I don’t wanna lose a friendship for some outrageous emotions for love.
Be natural. Enjoy the respective freedom, go our own ways, no bother, till next time our paths cross.
I don’t believe sort of “Never give up”, “You have to try” slogans. Yes, you can rely on yourself for many things, except this. A single palm can never applause.
Maybe I am just a steel wire wrapped in rounds, being attracted by a magnetic field. I am in a mess because I have no magnetic force at all.
But, once stick together, you will never go farther for repulsiveness.
Don’t know since when I am not persistent anymore. Still I am impatient and efficient, just…for some emotions I hardly handle inside, I stepped on and ground them with my high heel.
Simplicity is beauty, distance produced beauty. Meeting someone in your life makes a beautiful memory.
Misc
Quoted some critics, “A twin movie that fit for those who haven’t destroyed the bloom of love for life.”
Jesse and Celine in Before Sunshine were the same age as we are, when we are deeply touched by the pure communication; however, in Before Sunset, life changed them a lot, only the perfect memory remains. 10 years later, we should sigh and sob for destiny as well.
But something that once happened in our life and hided in our heart will never gone. You always lack of time to tidy them up, you always need a coincidence to review the past.
3 years. For something trivial, I found my life is surprisingly familiar with the movie, I coincidently picked up the script;
How long will be the next coincidence?
All, time will tell, before sunshine and sunset.
I saw both movies 3 years ago. The lines are still familiar. Those scenes replayed in my brain with the detailed description of Location Notes. between the space of Celine and Jesse’s conversations, I carefully weighed up my change with my fingers rubbing against the rim of the pages.
I did change as expected.
Three years ago, I was thinking, if there is a man I can walk and talk with without feeling bored a whole day, it would be definitely a wonderful memory of life.
Three years after, however, when seeing Winnie quoted: “to seek for a good partner, most importantly, you can talk with him/her quietly without feeling tired within hours.” I could help leaving my comments.
These comments are mostly some thoughts after reading the script, also part of my change of mind lead by a lot of things happened to me. I share with all of you.
Comment I: About Talk
“I feel more and more blur about the line between friendship and relationship. So far in my life there is more than one man who can be talked with within hours, how can they all be my partners? You cannot guarantee the next minute whether you will be sick of his words, or vice versa. And just because you lack of time and communication, you will cherish the time to talk; if talking every day, you won’t be in that mood. "
Two lonely travelers from two different cultural backgrounds, young and good-looking, met in an unfamiliar and beautiful city along their journey. They both loved pondering, had more or less dissatisfactions and expectations towards the world; they were both good at talking and even knew the time limit would be 1 day only, it would be a miracle if the movie wouldn’t touch you in such a perfect setting. Just because of 1 day only, this affection had no attachment of chores and troubles in life; oppositely, in the comparables of reality and beautification of memories, it kept on expanding and became an autography, which has kept for 10 years.
Actually it is the force of time and environment. Hong Kong is happened to be one of those cities, with cultural mix and temporary settlement; most people are stuck in business and loneliness. It seems full and luxurious but empty and panic. And we are all grown-ups, not kids who could cry for a candy. Many people want to vent and let off without knowing from where and to whom. Even when you are willing to talk, others might probably too busy to listen; you are willing to listen, others might probably dare not to say.
In some spectacular situations, starting from some negligible topics and shifting into a serious one, and it happened a man and a woman who are both willing to listen and talk, this conversation can last more than 2 hours, followed with a SMS, MSN, FB, Email or sth. after saying calling it an end.
A lot of male friends would like to listen to me but I am not willing to talk, a number of them would like to talk with me but I am not that interested listening, some are willing to talk and I am willing to listen to but refuse to talk. Counted with my conscious, I have 3-5 male friends we can talk and listen to each other, with 1 to several conversations. They have different relationship status, from different families, classes and countries, but they all have the sensitivity for life from unique perspectives.
The premise of a good talk with a man, is that you should have mutual attractions but no lechery in you. I have to admit the male Hormone, but showing some weird expression in eyes or change the meaning of the topics soon after started, or later sending some disturbing SMS or MSN, sorry, I don’t think we are on the same boat. I hide from you in order to be polite; an emotional person like me will probably use the 3rd finger and 4-letter words when not pleased.
A few great talks have deepened my thoughts and unleashed my ties, like some unknown fragrance, inhaled into my soul. These friends are those I will cherish forever, I maybe say to them for my shyness, but did tattoo in my heart.
Sometimes I also fear that our friendships would be distant for being busy, would be expired or disappeared for being separated someday. Someday, some reasons, our conversations cannot continue anymore. If it does happen, at least something will be remembered in mind, even without noticed.
What will we be in ten years? From now on how many close male friends will I have? Which one might become my partner some day, or zero?
There’s no what-if and cannot say what-if. Time will tell.
Comment II: About Marriage
“And this is basically my view on marriage, a color-faded and broken red thread you endeavor to hold it together, exhausting.”
The background setting of Before Sunset-Jesse got married and had a boy, Celine was still single. A free American youngster who was “Designed to be dissatisfy with everything”, was forced to get married because of the baby and well-behaved, but complained inside; a romantic French girl who worshiped love, turned into an independent green fighter, while disappointed from one relationship after another. They both regarded One Night as their life treasure.
Destiny made a joke on them-couldn’t meet on the appointed date, no any contacts, used to live only 2 streets away in NYC without running into each other. 10 years later they met in Paris, the mutual memory has become a best-seller, a love Waltz, and a comparable to reality. From some extent, they have never separated, like a fuse keeping on burning after blowing off the fire, till the end with an explosion.
Ten years. They both changed, for compromise of life and exhaustion of maturity. They are cautious with their behaviors and words, covering their inside emptiness and desire for each other with seeming happy lives.
But Jesse didn’t give up. His passion was lit on after ten years, endeavor to seek for the current romance he has lost for long. The vain waiting in the Vienna Train Station, the sudden meet-up in Paris, from the Shakespeare & Co.Bookstore to the Le Pure Café to la Promenade Plantée, on the boat, in the car and at Celine’s apartment. He gave up the flight home. He sat on the sofa and laughed at Celine’s dance, holding his left hand up and briefly twirls his wedding ring with his left thumb.
“Baby, you are gonna miss…the…plane….”
“I know.”
Céline continues her dance as the scene fades to black. The movie ended without the end of the story.
What happened after that is no more important. I feel sorry for Jesse’s wife, who was more trivial than a One Day memory ten-year ago, even only a substitute of a beautiful shadow? Meanwhile Celine kept on complaining all her ex-boyfriends asked her out and thanked her for teaching them how to love a woman.
In the movie our eyes all followed Jesse and Celine, we forgot other people and the story out of the story.
Inside and outside marriage the besieged city walk too many survivors. How many of us look pale after taking off the mask?
Don’t know why I feel so horrible and negative about marriage.
A junior high school gathering. Many of my ex-classmates were married and even had kid(s), I felt extremely terrified instead of being jealous;
Met a good high school friend who gave up her career chance and followed her bf after graduation. I felt happy but also worried about her the day I saw the couple. Her bf’s health condition is not that ideal after an illness, dark and too skinny. I txt her after coming back to HK, saying I was worrying about her and the guy she is going to marry; she replied saying she worried about my singledom, “once over 30, you are done.”
All of a sudden I realized we had already walked on two completely different paths, with different views, different thoughts, different values, too difficult to discuss on this problem deeper.
As long as she feels happy.
In my hometown where I had lived for 18 years, she is a woman, I am a freak. A simple golden rule there: All women should be married and give birth, serve their husbands and educate their kids. Unmarried women are all unwanted, married women without kids are all not capable to have kid; unmarried men are all have physical problems; divorced couples are all have personality spots or healthy problems.
For many women, marriage in a receipt. A relationship based on money once has that piece of paper, she will have a 50% account even signing another; a real relationship with that piece of paper seems like a lifetime promise. The point is, a man who would change and betray you, he will. He is not linked to that paper; he would love to sign again if needed. Are all you have given up for marriage worthwhile? Do you have other tools for survival once without the marriage?
For me, marriage is a shoulder pole with two heavy coffers at both ends. Family and career, beauty and health, wife and mother, right and compromise, freedom and constraint, all together to carry for a woman to the end of life.
People who fear and doubt about marriage, are those who will seriously spend time to think about relationship and future, who will seriously treat their and their partners’ life. Think before taking action, once they make up their mind, they will carry on and go straight forward without regret.
The first scene of Before Sunrise, a German couple were quarrelling on the train, which was also the topic they talked. Jesse successfully persuaded Jesse getting off the train with the topic of Marriage, too.
Jesse: “ Alright, alright. Think of it like this. Umm-uh, jump ahead, ten, twenty years, okay, and you're married. Only your marriage doesn't have that same energy that it used to have, you know. You start to blame your husband. You start to think about all those guys you've met in your life, and what MIGHT have happened if you'd picked up with one of them, right? ”
(Céline starts laughing a bit.)
Jesse: “Well, I'm one of those guys. (Points at himself.) That's me, you know, so think of this as time travel, from then, to now, uh, to find out what you're missing out on. See, what this really could be is a gigantic favor to both you and your future husband, to find out that you're not missing out on anything. I'm just as big a loser as he is, totally unmotivated, totally boring, and, uh, you made the right choice, and you're really happy. ”
And he was trapped in marriage after all, becoming his own punch line years later.
I always believe, that there’s no lifetime love but lifetime responsibility. When passion fades away, taking care of each other becomes a habit, a good habit, a successful marriage.
And kid becomes a chip. Recently a new word came into the Webster-a Band-aid Baby. Very vivid, it means a kid that maintains the swinging relationship, just like a Band-aid, covering the bleeding wound.
And wound of love would never recover, even it skins over, it will be a scar with different color.
The wedding day will be a dream to all women, which is my positive thinking for marriage. One day, I might be trapped and become my own punch line.
After all, I am a woman.
Comment III: About Attraction
“It is better to keep some distance off with the one you like. Both of your magnetic fields can attract and repulse each others, till the day your forces neutralize. The feeling is gone.”
If it wasn’t Celine’s grandmother’s funeral that day, they would have met in the Vienna Train Station after 6 months. And then maybe as what they thought, “they start to get to know each other better and they realize that they don't get along at all. ”
I fear so.
I like one person, far more than LIKE. The first time I am being that honest to myself.
I can fall in love with everything, simply because some great feeling running through my veins in a blink of an eye, or a smile dancing on my face which I cannot resist of.
Everything except man.
I admit that I am a rational cold fish. The affection usually a woman has plus 10 times can only speed my heartbeat 1 second.
It took me 3 seasons to understand my feeling.
Within this period we only had a few meet-ups and conversations-peaceful, relaxing and happy. The last time we talked, I found a lot in common.
Within this late period for time we haven’t met, I have been always wondering what he was up to, who he is meeting and talking, and if he might think of me sometimes.
I feel sad for an unknown answer. Some desire inside made me annoyed, mean and self-depressed.
I don’t like the ME who lost the ability to judge. I don’t wanna lose a friendship for some outrageous emotions for love.
Be natural. Enjoy the respective freedom, go our own ways, no bother, till next time our paths cross.
I don’t believe sort of “Never give up”, “You have to try” slogans. Yes, you can rely on yourself for many things, except this. A single palm can never applause.
Maybe I am just a steel wire wrapped in rounds, being attracted by a magnetic field. I am in a mess because I have no magnetic force at all.
But, once stick together, you will never go farther for repulsiveness.
Don’t know since when I am not persistent anymore. Still I am impatient and efficient, just…for some emotions I hardly handle inside, I stepped on and ground them with my high heel.
Simplicity is beauty, distance produced beauty. Meeting someone in your life makes a beautiful memory.
Misc
Quoted some critics, “A twin movie that fit for those who haven’t destroyed the bloom of love for life.”
Jesse and Celine in Before Sunshine were the same age as we are, when we are deeply touched by the pure communication; however, in Before Sunset, life changed them a lot, only the perfect memory remains. 10 years later, we should sigh and sob for destiny as well.
But something that once happened in our life and hided in our heart will never gone. You always lack of time to tidy them up, you always need a coincidence to review the past.
3 years. For something trivial, I found my life is surprisingly familiar with the movie, I coincidently picked up the script;
How long will be the next coincidence?
All, time will tell, before sunshine and sunset.
Vagina Monologue08@HK
-Gloria X
I was standing in the dark control room looking down from the window watching Kate doing dozens of different moans in front of the audience. All people were laughing back and forth.
I laughed with worship and awe. It is difficult. It is with sweat, a contributing heart and an open vagina.
Kate actually lost her voice in the first performance on Friday. She worried that she couldn’t make part of the moans.
“What about a Chinese moan instead?” A lady suggested.
“What’s a Chinese moan like?” They turned to me.
“Well, I don’t know.” I winked.
How could I know? Guess won’t be in English, or maybe they don’t moan?
We all laughed.
Physically, I know nothing about sex. Neither most girls of my age who haven’t got married in mainland China.
Or…did I underestimate their open vaginas since China is now a so-called “Reformed and Open Society”?
I never know. We won’t talk.
“You can never have a good sex.” My friend said to me with in semi-drunk mind in a bar, as I told him virginity is something vital for a traditional Chinese marriage.
I didn’t say anything, with a suspicious smile on my face.
Well, even if you try a lot before marriage, it is like gambling, 50-50, the worst luck is 0-100.
He suddenly leaned closer and whispered in my ear.
“Did you masturbate?”
“No…”
“That’s weird.”
I burnt into laughter. Fortunately he was talking to a Chinese girl like me who is open to mix-culture, or he might have been slapped on the face with a sin called “sexual harassment”.
We didn’t go further discussion with that. No need to. Even I explained, even a guy who is quite experienced and well-educated in school could never understand when he is not in a woman’s shoes.
Even I never understand myself very well, not mentioned the understanding with other women.
That’s how the sexual attraction comes from. Life is boring. We need exploration, we need surprise. We are all curious.
And some women were invaded in their land of saint in this process.
That’s why we do Vagina Monologue.
Vagina, vagina, vagina.
I can speak this word for thousands of time without feeling embarrassment in English. Instead with my major background, I think its syllables pronounce so harmonic and beautiful, a perfect combination of a labial, a pouting and a dental sound.
My mother tongue is not English, some words to me, are less than what they mean.
The translation in Chinese sounds very medical and scientific, and we don’t usually see these two characters except some illegal flyers for private clinics posted on the wall.
Language is something related to life embedded with strong emotions. Vocabulary itself is meaningless. The true meaning is between the lines.
That’s where your heart echoes and punches with.
That’ why the drama are so popular and fabulous and meaningful even all you see on stage are some women talking about their own stories.
The vagina is between your legs, while the monologue is in your heart. You are waiting someone to say it and follow and talk.
I took out the Teddy Bear, opening its legs, looked deep into it with my right eyes, to explain what a 6-year-old girl’s understanding:
“Somewhere deep inside it has a really really smart brain.”
Audience laughed.
Of course you see nothing between the legs of the Teddy Bear.
Most probably you won’t be forced to shave your pubic hair by a husband who screws around;
Most probably you won’t be abstinent and had cancer there;
Most probably you haven’t been tortured by your little boy friend when 7 years old, by your father’s friend when 10 years old, and became a lesbian;
Most probably you won’t be raped by 7 soldiers for days in a war;
Most probably you won’t be a sex worker who only worked for women
Most of us are having a peaceful life without starvation and pain.
But we all see it, hear it and feel it between the lines, with our own stories told in our hearts.
During nearly 2 hours, the emotions vibrated and mixed deep inside, we laughed, we kept silent, we cried, we hugged, we screamed, we hugged, we applause.
The vagina has you. It has all of us.
That’s why we all came together.
From Dec 07 to Mar 08, 4 complete months. We started from zero and reached HKD$70,000 for HK refugee women.
It was absolutely not an easy process. Under the lead of B and Danielle, meetings, looking for sponsorship, venue, publicities, starting launch party, crawl for a cause, talented night, exhibition, rehearsals and official performances, with tons of emails.
But we made it. The baby is beautiful in our hands.
The last time we shouted “Vday Team, Go vagina go” while on stage with a bow to audience, with roses in our hands, we realized how powerful we are.
And I was lost again there in thoughts. Clearly remembered the first time, I met all these ladies, I saw another Kate moaning at the roof of Fringe Club. She moaned and all laughed. A gentleman at the next table suddenly shouted,
Hey are you girls insane?
More laughters.
But at that moment I felt frustrated and shamed. What the hell is that? Doing moans in an open area? Something I thought only happened in X-rated movies; even that would be only watched in private rooms.
But now all I could remind of is all these beautiful words in “I was there in the room”:
"The heart is capable of sacrifice.
So is the vagina.
The heart is able to forgive and repair.
It can change its shape to let us in.
It can expand to let us out.
So can the vagina.
It can ache for us and stretch for us, die for us
and bleed and bleed us into this difficult, wondrous world.
I was there in the room.
I remember."
I do. And I never feel that proud of myself.
Best wishes for all the ladies all over the world.
Big thank-yous for all people who was with us, are with us, and will be with us.
xG.
Coincidence and Luck
26 March 08 00:51
If I didn’t go to Fringe Club for the rehearsal, I wouldn’t have been in Central.
If I wasn’t in Central, I wouldn’t walk from Central to Quarry Bay back.
If I didn’t go to HSBC ATM, I wouldn’t have dropped my Octopus card without noticing.
If the Welcome Supermarket didn’t open till mid-night, I wouldn’t have gone there to buy some stuff.
If I didn’t wanna use my Octopus card, I wouldn’t have known that I had lost it.
If I gave up and didn’t go back to HSBC, I would have lost it forever.
But I ran there. It was still there.
So, at least try before giving up, have a little faith on yourself, trust something by your own judgment, and you only need to test your luck.
That’s life, coincidence with luck, Gloria.
So I will try again but giving up, when the coincidence happens.
If I didn’t go to Fringe Club for the rehearsal, I wouldn’t have been in Central.
If I wasn’t in Central, I wouldn’t walk from Central to Quarry Bay back.
If I didn’t go to HSBC ATM, I wouldn’t have dropped my Octopus card without noticing.
If the Welcome Supermarket didn’t open till mid-night, I wouldn’t have gone there to buy some stuff.
If I didn’t wanna use my Octopus card, I wouldn’t have known that I had lost it.
If I gave up and didn’t go back to HSBC, I would have lost it forever.
But I ran there. It was still there.
So, at least try before giving up, have a little faith on yourself, trust something by your own judgment, and you only need to test your luck.
That’s life, coincidence with luck, Gloria.
So I will try again but giving up, when the coincidence happens.
A golf ball and the hole
6:16pm 4 Apr 2008
-Inspired by the Destop Wallpaper@my office
Gloria X
Lying on the Green field,
I enjoy my sunshine.
I saw you there.
Deep, quiet and special.
I wanna fall into you.
With the hit I fly
I roll
I get closer and closer.
I touch your rim.
Imagine with ecstasy of falling
I close my eyes
When I open mine
One has taken my domain
With the hit again I fly
I roll
I saw a lot of you
Deep, quiet
But all the same
Which one is mine?
Or
Shall I just lay here
Enjoying my sunshine?
Friends? Friends are…
Friends? Friends.
Friends are those who left us, and stay with us with ourselves together forever.
Friends are who those can really reflect yourself and let you know who you really are.
These three friends, are with me in Swire PRC MT Circle. We all write.
My Anna Chen:
(A girl from Shenzhen, who jumps all around and talks non-stop in public, who almost accidentially took my first kiss in Club No. 9 and I confirmed I definitley not a les, while she has a calm heart and deep soul inside. Quoted by Sherman, “Like an opera in Broadway, crowded in surface but profound behind the scene. You have to appreciate by heart.” )
We all suddenly realized what had happened when someone has left us so long, and then we started to panic, to breathe fast, to feel the pain we couldn't resist of. Countless arrangements should have been made before we met everyone else by our fate, then how can the movement of farewell become that easy and lively? Can we really “Not even taking away a piece of cloud”?
Then we started to recall and introspected what we had said and done, and realized how careless, arrogant and unconscious we were. And the tolerance, understanding,, patience and assistance we always hided, were carelessly ignored as well. No matter who accompany with us, we all repeat this mistake.
My Sherman Liu:
(A collegue, friend, brother who I met in a sudden, and left in a sudden. Our path cross was that short and peaceful but full of sparkles of thoughts for life, dreams and work. A guy who can use the formulas of Physics and Automatics to explain life while I used my Psycholinguistics and Sociolinguistics, a guy I will miss forever no matter where he goes and flies. )
In fact, everyone is an invader of another in the space of life. It is like clicking into one’s blog, you read and appreciate and comment, however one day you cannot find the website anymore, or say, you lost your invader, time stops at the last time you meet. Friends, families, lovers, even enemies and those who you hate are all the same. You like him/her, love him/her, or dislike and hate him/her, you can never avoid the leave. You will be accustomed to it as time goes by, you will finally understand that “thousands of people you meet, in thousands of year, in the infinite wilderness of time, no sooner or later, you happen to be on time having nothing to say but only asking: Oh, are you here too?” is not pretending to be restrained, but the blandness you own after having experienced too many separations and gatherings; you will also understand that we are all like the leaves in the river, the groom and sorrow in “quietly I am leaving, just like quietly I was arriving; I wave goodbye, not even taking away a piece of cloud.”
My Gretchen Yuen:
(A girl I will marry if I were a guy. The girl living downstairs, beautiful, peaceful and confident, the girl who always told me I am good and nice and beautiful and clever and taught me to love and appreciate myself. I used to listen to her piano in my own room and smile on my bed sleeping, and wondered how she could bear with my dancing and singing in mid-night trampling my floor-her ceiling. )
I am accustomed to definite “FRIEND” as those whose paths cross with us in some certain time and space. This thought made me feel lost while saying farewell, because it means not seeing again. We are all young and energetic, our hearts travel a thousand mile even before our take our steps.
If one day I leave this city, there won’t be any farewell party, won’t be seeing-off in the airport with tears, because I have very few friends who I really care, and they are all on the road, like me.
My Me Gloria Xiao:
(I don’t know who I am. With my little talent of language and appreciation of arts, I can change my facial expressions and voices within seconds. I am noisy and crazy while singing and dancing, I am silent while writing and jogging alone. But they are all me. Changeable, but all real without masks. I need a whole life to learn myself while seeing others. )
We haven’t experienced our parents’ time of turbulence and become tough and strong. We all become glass in such a delicate city. Even some of us are intensified; we are still doubting our capacity of smash endurance. We are not able to guess the true distance by the layers of transparencies between us.
We are all lacking of security, in a safe, convenient and developed city of glass.
We have time to be lonely, have time to mourn our loneliness, but have no courage to break mutual loneliness, although we all know we need to deep inside. I called on the cell that day but you couldn’t make it, I walked along the sea wall quietly at night.
Were my emotions with me at that moment?
You need to be 200% proactive in this city even offering others help, but never expect rewards, or you will be disappointed. And I feel extremely tired in my 2nd year here. My loneliness and helplessness reach the climax in the drizzle these days.
We are all selfish animals. More and more I feel the truth of this. Most of times we won’t admit, because it is so frank and real, just like we clearly know what a naked body look like, while getting dress on by instinct to leave some space for fantasy.
We live to experience achievement and happiness of satisfaction. Anything not related to ourselves, study, work, life, etc., are not our treasure. My view on “Friends should be selfless, help asks for no reward” exists just for experiencing my happiness and satisfaction. But in this process of self-satisfaction, I can satisfy others at the same time, why I wouldn’t do it?
I am not accustomed to not saying thank-you while being helped; I am just too shy to say it. It is like you can laugh, cry, fight, quarrel with your friends at ease while you feel uncomfortable and nervous trying to get closer to someone you really wanna get close.
I do hope that my friends feel the same while I offer my help. I do hope my spring just began and unfrozen my heart.
Sometimes I don’t even say farewell, simply because I do hope, those I like, I worship, I love, will never ever leave my heart and stay the ME inside.
Friends are those who left us, and stay with us with ourselves together forever.
Friends are who those can really reflect yourself and let you know who you really are.
These three friends, are with me in Swire PRC MT Circle. We all write.
My Anna Chen:
(A girl from Shenzhen, who jumps all around and talks non-stop in public, who almost accidentially took my first kiss in Club No. 9 and I confirmed I definitley not a les, while she has a calm heart and deep soul inside. Quoted by Sherman, “Like an opera in Broadway, crowded in surface but profound behind the scene. You have to appreciate by heart.” )
We all suddenly realized what had happened when someone has left us so long, and then we started to panic, to breathe fast, to feel the pain we couldn't resist of. Countless arrangements should have been made before we met everyone else by our fate, then how can the movement of farewell become that easy and lively? Can we really “Not even taking away a piece of cloud”?
Then we started to recall and introspected what we had said and done, and realized how careless, arrogant and unconscious we were. And the tolerance, understanding,, patience and assistance we always hided, were carelessly ignored as well. No matter who accompany with us, we all repeat this mistake.
My Sherman Liu:
(A collegue, friend, brother who I met in a sudden, and left in a sudden. Our path cross was that short and peaceful but full of sparkles of thoughts for life, dreams and work. A guy who can use the formulas of Physics and Automatics to explain life while I used my Psycholinguistics and Sociolinguistics, a guy I will miss forever no matter where he goes and flies. )
In fact, everyone is an invader of another in the space of life. It is like clicking into one’s blog, you read and appreciate and comment, however one day you cannot find the website anymore, or say, you lost your invader, time stops at the last time you meet. Friends, families, lovers, even enemies and those who you hate are all the same. You like him/her, love him/her, or dislike and hate him/her, you can never avoid the leave. You will be accustomed to it as time goes by, you will finally understand that “thousands of people you meet, in thousands of year, in the infinite wilderness of time, no sooner or later, you happen to be on time having nothing to say but only asking: Oh, are you here too?” is not pretending to be restrained, but the blandness you own after having experienced too many separations and gatherings; you will also understand that we are all like the leaves in the river, the groom and sorrow in “quietly I am leaving, just like quietly I was arriving; I wave goodbye, not even taking away a piece of cloud.”
My Gretchen Yuen:
(A girl I will marry if I were a guy. The girl living downstairs, beautiful, peaceful and confident, the girl who always told me I am good and nice and beautiful and clever and taught me to love and appreciate myself. I used to listen to her piano in my own room and smile on my bed sleeping, and wondered how she could bear with my dancing and singing in mid-night trampling my floor-her ceiling. )
I am accustomed to definite “FRIEND” as those whose paths cross with us in some certain time and space. This thought made me feel lost while saying farewell, because it means not seeing again. We are all young and energetic, our hearts travel a thousand mile even before our take our steps.
If one day I leave this city, there won’t be any farewell party, won’t be seeing-off in the airport with tears, because I have very few friends who I really care, and they are all on the road, like me.
My Me Gloria Xiao:
(I don’t know who I am. With my little talent of language and appreciation of arts, I can change my facial expressions and voices within seconds. I am noisy and crazy while singing and dancing, I am silent while writing and jogging alone. But they are all me. Changeable, but all real without masks. I need a whole life to learn myself while seeing others. )
We haven’t experienced our parents’ time of turbulence and become tough and strong. We all become glass in such a delicate city. Even some of us are intensified; we are still doubting our capacity of smash endurance. We are not able to guess the true distance by the layers of transparencies between us.
We are all lacking of security, in a safe, convenient and developed city of glass.
We have time to be lonely, have time to mourn our loneliness, but have no courage to break mutual loneliness, although we all know we need to deep inside. I called on the cell that day but you couldn’t make it, I walked along the sea wall quietly at night.
Were my emotions with me at that moment?
You need to be 200% proactive in this city even offering others help, but never expect rewards, or you will be disappointed. And I feel extremely tired in my 2nd year here. My loneliness and helplessness reach the climax in the drizzle these days.
We are all selfish animals. More and more I feel the truth of this. Most of times we won’t admit, because it is so frank and real, just like we clearly know what a naked body look like, while getting dress on by instinct to leave some space for fantasy.
We live to experience achievement and happiness of satisfaction. Anything not related to ourselves, study, work, life, etc., are not our treasure. My view on “Friends should be selfless, help asks for no reward” exists just for experiencing my happiness and satisfaction. But in this process of self-satisfaction, I can satisfy others at the same time, why I wouldn’t do it?
I am not accustomed to not saying thank-you while being helped; I am just too shy to say it. It is like you can laugh, cry, fight, quarrel with your friends at ease while you feel uncomfortable and nervous trying to get closer to someone you really wanna get close.
I do hope that my friends feel the same while I offer my help. I do hope my spring just began and unfrozen my heart.
Sometimes I don’t even say farewell, simply because I do hope, those I like, I worship, I love, will never ever leave my heart and stay the ME inside.
Some Objects
I. Curtain
I am looking at you
You are looking at me
The curtain is between us
I cannot see you
You cannot see me
Have you gone?
Shall I go?
Now or never?
Who will remove the curtain?
You or me?
Now or never?
I am still looking at you
Are you still looking at me?
The curtain is between us
II. Shadow
It stops
It moves
It follows me
It can be lengthen
It can be shorten
It may shrink
It may exaggerate
Nevertheless
It cannot be twisted
Because I always stand straight
I am looking at you
You are looking at me
The curtain is between us
I cannot see you
You cannot see me
Have you gone?
Shall I go?
Now or never?
Who will remove the curtain?
You or me?
Now or never?
I am still looking at you
Are you still looking at me?
The curtain is between us
II. Shadow
It stops
It moves
It follows me
It can be lengthen
It can be shorten
It may shrink
It may exaggerate
Nevertheless
It cannot be twisted
Because I always stand straight
Days of being alone (II)
Trajectory in my favorite community Quarry Bay and loving my sweetest little cabin home.
Quarry Bay Park under the starry nights
Bathed in perspirations
Circling around and around the football field
Tears that could not be held back
Ecstasy that could not be restrained
Both
Danced with the rhythms in mind
Dried and melt
Amid the sea wind of Island East Passage
Is the boy
Who seated on the step
Buried his face in the dark
Still sobbing with echoes in his phone
Begging for forgiveness and love
Or is it out of battery?
Mixed in the Spluree of 7-Eleven
With complicated emotions eager to be forgotten
Drink to the bottom at one breath
The battle between cold and hot
Stirred the unavoidable pain
Swallowed up my stomach
5/F
21 Hoi Wan Street
Quarry Bay
Unbridled decibel at the balcony
Crazy wiggle in the sitting room
Tears and laughter with movies on lap-top
Burned dishes in the kitchen
With tip-tock tip tock beats
Repeated for 8 months
Yet drowned in Tunes with Island East
Four Seasons of Tung Chung Street
In the sound of delicate violin
Among the silky ribbons of dancers in red
Drop with peanut shells in 2EB
Unfolded with door of Café Einstein
Relaxation and satisfaction
Seduced my tongue with twin ice creams
At Macdonald, 24
Miss the passion of Artwalk in Taikoo Place
Crystal flowing of Shanshui (Mountain & River)
Twisted Two in Tango
Occupied the mind of The Watcher
Power that desires for the sun
Turns into wings flying to unlimited glory
Or dear Horus
Did you extinguish while getting close by
Becoming a dust in the universe
Forever fly
Hide myself in the heart of the Green Apple
Eyesight crashed with thousands of hectic walkers
Some day, someone
Will discover
Appreciation of lonely beauty
And willing to stay
Quarry Bay Park under the starry nights
Bathed in perspirations
Circling around and around the football field
Tears that could not be held back
Ecstasy that could not be restrained
Both
Danced with the rhythms in mind
Dried and melt
Amid the sea wind of Island East Passage
Is the boy
Who seated on the step
Buried his face in the dark
Still sobbing with echoes in his phone
Begging for forgiveness and love
Or is it out of battery?
Mixed in the Spluree of 7-Eleven
With complicated emotions eager to be forgotten
Drink to the bottom at one breath
The battle between cold and hot
Stirred the unavoidable pain
Swallowed up my stomach
5/F
21 Hoi Wan Street
Quarry Bay
Unbridled decibel at the balcony
Crazy wiggle in the sitting room
Tears and laughter with movies on lap-top
Burned dishes in the kitchen
With tip-tock tip tock beats
Repeated for 8 months
Yet drowned in Tunes with Island East
Four Seasons of Tung Chung Street
In the sound of delicate violin
Among the silky ribbons of dancers in red
Drop with peanut shells in 2EB
Unfolded with door of Café Einstein
Relaxation and satisfaction
Seduced my tongue with twin ice creams
At Macdonald, 24
Miss the passion of Artwalk in Taikoo Place
Crystal flowing of Shanshui (Mountain & River)
Twisted Two in Tango
Occupied the mind of The Watcher
Power that desires for the sun
Turns into wings flying to unlimited glory
Or dear Horus
Did you extinguish while getting close by
Becoming a dust in the universe
Forever fly
Hide myself in the heart of the Green Apple
Eyesight crashed with thousands of hectic walkers
Some day, someone
Will discover
Appreciation of lonely beauty
And willing to stay
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