Good Dream, Mom

The moment I was about to step out of the gate, I said to my Mom, come on, give a hug. I held her tight in hands like a kid and she giggled. For Chinese, even families, we seldom hug each others. But I felt like doing it at that very moment.



I went downstairs and saw her stand still; I waved hand and shouted, bye, and go back to take your nap! She nodded and disappeared behind the gate.



The moment I felt like our roles had changed, I became her Mom and she obeyed to me. It was my greatest wish when I was a kid, however, at this moment, I had the faintest idea of excites, instead, loads of worries. I felt tears flowing up in my veins to my neck, to my nose, I swiftly took a deep breath and restrained them coming out of my eyes.



My mom has been experiencing insomnia for years, and it gets worse and worse. Sometimes she couldn’t fall asleep for more than 10 continuous nights. No doctors could tell the reason. She now takes dozens of pills per night before sleep to maintain 6 sleeping hours.



I dare not mention a word about her illness, and she didn’t say anything about it. We both feared letting each other worried. And my Dad didn't mention it either. He did very little talking and never figured out how to show love. I used to think he preferred a son than a daughter and turned cold eyes to me when I was a kid. Till one day I finally realized, silence is his way. Watching me talking, laughing, eating and sometimes slightly patting me on the shoulder or on the head.



He was my private driver when I was home these days, driving me around with his new car to do shopping, book tickets and do other stuff. He even snoozed while sitting on the chair waiting for my trying on shoes and clothes in different shops. I know he is one of the most post-shopping men alive, but all he asked was about my next destination without complaining a word.



That day on the way home my Dad stopped his car and I heard his voice from the front seat,

All your Mom worry is about u. Listen to everything she says when at home and don’t argue with her.



I didn’t reply and I lost my mind while wheels rolling. Actually I knew that answer long long ago. I was even too selfish to admit that, I feared to take my responsibility to her insomnia. I don’t think I have anything she could worry about, but she always has something to worry, my weight, my health, my dining, my singledom, my over-strong personality as female, and even the freaky fortune-telling.



That’s why sometimes I feel so reluctant to go home even when I was terribly homesick, since I know it will get worse after coming back, I rather give up the moment of sweetness and love, in case it is overwhelmed and made me drown. It would be the same to my parents.



Be strong, Mom, your daughter has her own oath and destiny. If none can change it as the fortune told, then live our lives, and make our lives.



Good dream tonight, tomorrow night, and every night afterwards.



Kiss & Hug