FB vs. Reality

I decided to farewell to Facebook for 2 weeks and deactivated my account before going to bed last night. The website is drug to me. Since July 07 I signed up a profile called “Gloria Xiao”, in 4 months’time, I have 402 friends and more than 500 wall posts on my profile, most of them are friends I knew and met. The Facebook effect is really out of my expectation. My first Love Letter (does it count? I don’t know, but at least I let someone know some idiot existed) was sent on Facebook via Inbox Msg, more than 1,000 words, I guess I have broken the record of the longest Facebook inbox msg. I read the main page at least 5 times a day, with frequently-updated status and albums; even myself 100% believe that I am so addicted to it.



A lot of ppl asked me why I wanna deactivate my account; they thought I am a super fan of Facebook. I am. I know the reason but I don’t know how to express it, all I could say was I wanna have a rest. Today when I read an excellent article, I saw this quote, and it is perfect to explain all.



“ A lot of things are just like a porn movie, ppl who watch it feel excited while ppl who act feel not.”

So are my Facebook profile and my MSN Space.



About half a month ago, I woke up and walked to my balcony, suddenly I felt the coolness of the early fall. I returned to the living room and felt the whole house empty. This is my current life status, compared to an overwhelming environment of a digital world. At a blink of an eye I had the impulse of returning to the reality. So I fixed a date to deactivate my account. When you rely on a fake digital world too much, you will have some kind of fantasy that you are so popular and having a groovy life, and then you ignore the reality. One day you experience the blackout, you are nowhere, nobody in the middle. Time to panic.



I am sick again, the 3rd time within these 30 days. Every time I felt uncomfortable I just wanna hide inside my quilt and sleep like a dead body, thinking that not till I become smelly will people discover me. And I miss home a lot at that moment. Don’t know how many hours have passed when I woke up and sat on my bed crying like a 5-yr old girl, “Mommy, I wanna eat congee!!” I really did.



However, turned on my computer, E-mail piled inbox, MSN was beeping, Facebook is still in carnival. You will only have two kinds of reactions: 1, pretending nothing happened and replying one by one; 2, go to the doctor's or/and take some pills, after all, you are still alive and life goes on.



One friend said, Facebook is communication. Surely it is and a good one, with special meaning to me (I told you above). And it seems I am quite good at taking advantage of it making friends. But, I prefer the reality, face-to-face communication, of which I still haven’t lost my skill.



In a relaxing afternoon or a cozy night, drinking something really refreshing with someone(no alcohol to Gloria but mostly alcohol to my friends) in a nice restaurant or bar with light music, or at the balcony with breeze,listening to his/her voice with different tones, telling their stories with unfolded emotions, watching his/her smiles,even tears,and different facial expressions, natural eye-contacts, giving each other support and moment of peace, leaving no time to trim all your words, be a real me and you.



Facebook? I will be back in due course, by the time I change whatever I can in reality. By that time, will u still remember me?

Maybe yes, maybe no.