Winnie said, don't tell me you don't feel lonely in HK, anyone says no, I will get mad with u!!
Yes, we are, out of home, and out of mind sometimes.
The first time I sensed it was on the tram. It was so slow and patient that the only thing you could do is looking out of the window while the wind blowing your hair. DING DING, one stop, DING DING, another. It seemed like the journey on the lane would never end, it seemed time grows slower and slower, and the next second it will stop.
All stops. But me. I looked around, the movement of light froze in the air. I saw a middle-aged man sitting in the front of the tram, with a typical Mediterranean Head. His back to me, I took a picuture of him and named it TIME.
I only need someone to talk to, with a topic callded silence. Sitting somewhere, standing somewhere, lying somewhere.
Quiet. But we do talk. Time vanishes. I don't know how long it takes. And then I feel better.
Thank you for talking to me. I smile, from my heart. And we depart, get on our feet. Time goes back, and we continue the path, alone.
U may ask, when is the next time for talk? I don't know, it depends how empty this city is. But if u feel like talking, any time.
I prefer a company this way. Is there anyone out there who would talk to me like that, without asking me for contributing my freedom and independance as payment? I know I am selfish, always be, but I am willing to talk at any time when needed. Does it count? And therefore I don't need to ask for more. All I need is to talk, and just sometimes.
I found out I was still on the tram. I clicked my fingers and time moved on again. I like walking long distance despite my aching feet with my high-heel shoes but that's the way I feel I am doing sth, moving on on my own; I like sitting on the tram despite a waste of time but that's the way I feel the breeze and I know I am living and breathing.
This city is out of home, and always out of mind. It needs someone out there to talk to and feel better, don't u?
And I am always there, listening, nodding, and then smile, wiping your tears. COMFORT.
Show me the meaning of being lonely? No, thanks. Please show me the meaning of NOT being lonely.
Sometimes. Like...NOW.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Saturday, July 7, 2007
A message from an unfamiliar gal
He opened his E-mail box and found an unread msg lying quietly in the inbox. It was sent days ago. He looked at the name, someone he could dimly recalled in his memory, met for several times. Business greeting or sth.
He read:
"Dear XX,
I don't know how soon you are gonna read this. But PLS FINISH IT. It took me ages and tons of courage to decide making this drunk-dialing.
I guess I have a confession to make. Since the first time I met you, I just couldn't explain my feeling on you, for the first time of my life.
I can still remember the number: up to now, we've met for 5 times, and talked less than 10 complete sentences, even myself felt ridiculous about what went wrong with me.
The first time was in the Familiarization tour when I happened to sit next to you during a lunch. I tried to break the ice but you seemed to cool to talk, you didn’t look at me. I was a bit disappointed but I didn’t care much at that moment. If time could be turned back, I really wish that were the only time I saw you. I didn’t even know your name.
It took nearly 8 months till our path crossed again. I took a glance round at the lecture hall and I saw you. It was like seeing an old friend who I haven’t met for ages. I tried to talk to you again but I couldn’t even find any topic. This time you smiled and nodded. I remembered your name.
That night we went out but you didn’t show up. Disappointed again, even more than the first time.
And one week later in xx’s flat you showed up by chance. We shook hand (really funny); I was still struggling for topic but still couldn’t get one. It rarely happened to me when I communicated with people. But everything went the wrong track. Suddenly I felt like someone else. With you was a one-sentence conversation this time, however making process and satisfying enough. From then on, I had this little secret inside.
Then it was the company dinner. I was standing right in front of you but the gentleman I was talking to kept on talking so long that I couldn’t turn around. It sounds really funny now but that moment was like a year for me. Eventually with S’s unconscious help I opened the chatting box. And you just couldn’t imagine how excited I was when seeing we were in the same table. I was impressed by the way you talked and behaved. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. True. And it broke the record that I finally had a conversation of more than 5 mins after the dinner. And you did remember my name, which was a big surprise.
And after that I was trapped in great agony. I knew I was such a loser; I didn’t even try and thought it would be a doom for granted. Nobody will care someone who are just randomly met and rarely talk to. It did happen to me by no reason.
I feel like knowing you so long before. For me you should be very independent and always stick to your dreams and looking for achievements. You might sense you are different from others and try your best to melt into the group. You stick to what you think is right and wrong. Talented, idealist, love freedom, change, and traveling.
Or maybe you are not. I don’t know. But I prefer to believe my sixth sense.
The last time was at xxx. I didn’t know you were there too. Still, feeling too strange to start any topic and even say Hi. I hated that ME. And I guess that is why I never succeeded carrying on even just being friends, I screwed it up.
I finally got a chance to say hello but you talked like the first time we met. So distant and remote. This time I was frustrated. It implied that it was going to an end, although it had never started. I even was of a little bit comfort that you are soon away to another country. Time and distance flow everything away. Will it work this time?
F called last night but I decided not going. And I decided to let you know. I wrote to you because I had never expected anything from you, then I had nothing to lose. I wrote because I decided to give up. All I want is a rejection which had been already known to help me move on. I was like a joker in this stupid relationship I set for myself.
And I really wanna thank you, although you may know nothing about the story. But it helps me to grow. For me it will be a bittersweet memory, which I might think of in my latter path, like an incredible novel, I thought it only happened in the movie but it happened to me. No matter who I will meet later, you were the one. No need to feel sorry for me, I will be fine after you read this.
A used to say to me indifferently, “You are not even friends!” It was like a knife stabbing into the heart because it is the reality and truth, so cruel that I couldn’t sleep and have cried for nights after hearing something I rejected to listen to. But I have to face the truth. If we could be friends, that’s enough, no matter where we are going to be. I was thinking sending this to you after you leave, but I am afraid my courage will soon fade away. If I will meet you again during this coming month, I will come up and say hi. I hope so.
I am so sure that you will make achievements in your career and your dream of flying. Will be there with all my best wishes and would be happy to share anything if you would like to, or maybe you wouldn’t.
I guess you won’t forget this time, I bet this is the longest message you have had received, feeling like writing an essay, haha…
Take care, and all the best.
Yours,
xxx
22:59, 18th June 2007"
He was a little bit surprised, unexpected. He tried to recall those meet-ups in his brain but it was so blur and far away. Should he write back?
She opened her E-mail box and found an unread msg lying quietly in the inbox, Today. She looked at the name, she has been waiting for this moment for a whole week. She hesitated, she walked around the room, she sat down, opened it. After all,sth. she had to face with. She knew it wouldn't be any miracles, however in the deepest part of her heart some tiny hope exists.
She read:
"Hi, that is quite a long message! I did read it all though.
It’s quite a surprise to read, and you flatter me in part. Don't take it personally I don't say much or that I am not very proactive making friends-it does aggravate quite a few people, friends and others, but I am content staying independent and so usually only speak if I have something worth saying.
Next time paths cross I'll try to make a point of saying hi, but I’m committed to my independence and not entering any relationships. Relax and take it easy.
All the best"
She smiled. Nothing surprising, nothing unexpected. He is really the one she thought he is, the one in common with her, the one who had done sth. similiar as she had done before to someone else. What could she expect for more? At least he replied, putting an end, giving her the answer she would like to have. She would like to have this, she kept on telling herself.
She clicked the REPLY:
"Fortunately you replied...released that I didn't cause any trouble for u...lol
Then u r really what I think you are --"For me you should be very independent and always stick to your dreams and looking for achievements. You stick to what you think is right and wrong. Talented, idealist, love freedom, change, and traveling. "
I totally undertand this kind of life style 'cause I am always very independent and never get into any relationship either, and maybe that's why I see sth. in common. But a little bit fortune telling, one day u will rely on sb. for some reason, don't tell me wrong or right, time will tell. :)
I guess this is the best answer I wanna hv. Really appreciate it and no worries, I am relaxed and continue my independent life as usual.
Take care."
That was her first time, calling an end to the story, before it started. She knew both of them has made the right decisions. Maybe years later, he will regret, or maybe not; maybe years later she would find out it was not love but blur feeling at all, but it will be a bittersweet memory, craving in the bottom of her heart.
-the end
He read:
"Dear XX,
I don't know how soon you are gonna read this. But PLS FINISH IT. It took me ages and tons of courage to decide making this drunk-dialing.
I guess I have a confession to make. Since the first time I met you, I just couldn't explain my feeling on you, for the first time of my life.
I can still remember the number: up to now, we've met for 5 times, and talked less than 10 complete sentences, even myself felt ridiculous about what went wrong with me.
The first time was in the Familiarization tour when I happened to sit next to you during a lunch. I tried to break the ice but you seemed to cool to talk, you didn’t look at me. I was a bit disappointed but I didn’t care much at that moment. If time could be turned back, I really wish that were the only time I saw you. I didn’t even know your name.
It took nearly 8 months till our path crossed again. I took a glance round at the lecture hall and I saw you. It was like seeing an old friend who I haven’t met for ages. I tried to talk to you again but I couldn’t even find any topic. This time you smiled and nodded. I remembered your name.
That night we went out but you didn’t show up. Disappointed again, even more than the first time.
And one week later in xx’s flat you showed up by chance. We shook hand (really funny); I was still struggling for topic but still couldn’t get one. It rarely happened to me when I communicated with people. But everything went the wrong track. Suddenly I felt like someone else. With you was a one-sentence conversation this time, however making process and satisfying enough. From then on, I had this little secret inside.
Then it was the company dinner. I was standing right in front of you but the gentleman I was talking to kept on talking so long that I couldn’t turn around. It sounds really funny now but that moment was like a year for me. Eventually with S’s unconscious help I opened the chatting box. And you just couldn’t imagine how excited I was when seeing we were in the same table. I was impressed by the way you talked and behaved. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. True. And it broke the record that I finally had a conversation of more than 5 mins after the dinner. And you did remember my name, which was a big surprise.
And after that I was trapped in great agony. I knew I was such a loser; I didn’t even try and thought it would be a doom for granted. Nobody will care someone who are just randomly met and rarely talk to. It did happen to me by no reason.
I feel like knowing you so long before. For me you should be very independent and always stick to your dreams and looking for achievements. You might sense you are different from others and try your best to melt into the group. You stick to what you think is right and wrong. Talented, idealist, love freedom, change, and traveling.
Or maybe you are not. I don’t know. But I prefer to believe my sixth sense.
The last time was at xxx. I didn’t know you were there too. Still, feeling too strange to start any topic and even say Hi. I hated that ME. And I guess that is why I never succeeded carrying on even just being friends, I screwed it up.
I finally got a chance to say hello but you talked like the first time we met. So distant and remote. This time I was frustrated. It implied that it was going to an end, although it had never started. I even was of a little bit comfort that you are soon away to another country. Time and distance flow everything away. Will it work this time?
F called last night but I decided not going. And I decided to let you know. I wrote to you because I had never expected anything from you, then I had nothing to lose. I wrote because I decided to give up. All I want is a rejection which had been already known to help me move on. I was like a joker in this stupid relationship I set for myself.
And I really wanna thank you, although you may know nothing about the story. But it helps me to grow. For me it will be a bittersweet memory, which I might think of in my latter path, like an incredible novel, I thought it only happened in the movie but it happened to me. No matter who I will meet later, you were the one. No need to feel sorry for me, I will be fine after you read this.
A used to say to me indifferently, “You are not even friends!” It was like a knife stabbing into the heart because it is the reality and truth, so cruel that I couldn’t sleep and have cried for nights after hearing something I rejected to listen to. But I have to face the truth. If we could be friends, that’s enough, no matter where we are going to be. I was thinking sending this to you after you leave, but I am afraid my courage will soon fade away. If I will meet you again during this coming month, I will come up and say hi. I hope so.
I am so sure that you will make achievements in your career and your dream of flying. Will be there with all my best wishes and would be happy to share anything if you would like to, or maybe you wouldn’t.
I guess you won’t forget this time, I bet this is the longest message you have had received, feeling like writing an essay, haha…
Take care, and all the best.
Yours,
xxx
22:59, 18th June 2007"
He was a little bit surprised, unexpected. He tried to recall those meet-ups in his brain but it was so blur and far away. Should he write back?
She opened her E-mail box and found an unread msg lying quietly in the inbox, Today. She looked at the name, she has been waiting for this moment for a whole week. She hesitated, she walked around the room, she sat down, opened it. After all,sth. she had to face with. She knew it wouldn't be any miracles, however in the deepest part of her heart some tiny hope exists.
She read:
"Hi, that is quite a long message! I did read it all though.
It’s quite a surprise to read, and you flatter me in part. Don't take it personally I don't say much or that I am not very proactive making friends-it does aggravate quite a few people, friends and others, but I am content staying independent and so usually only speak if I have something worth saying.
Next time paths cross I'll try to make a point of saying hi, but I’m committed to my independence and not entering any relationships. Relax and take it easy.
All the best"
She smiled. Nothing surprising, nothing unexpected. He is really the one she thought he is, the one in common with her, the one who had done sth. similiar as she had done before to someone else. What could she expect for more? At least he replied, putting an end, giving her the answer she would like to have. She would like to have this, she kept on telling herself.
She clicked the REPLY:
"Fortunately you replied...released that I didn't cause any trouble for u...lol
Then u r really what I think you are --"For me you should be very independent and always stick to your dreams and looking for achievements. You stick to what you think is right and wrong. Talented, idealist, love freedom, change, and traveling. "
I totally undertand this kind of life style 'cause I am always very independent and never get into any relationship either, and maybe that's why I see sth. in common. But a little bit fortune telling, one day u will rely on sb. for some reason, don't tell me wrong or right, time will tell. :)
I guess this is the best answer I wanna hv. Really appreciate it and no worries, I am relaxed and continue my independent life as usual.
Take care."
That was her first time, calling an end to the story, before it started. She knew both of them has made the right decisions. Maybe years later, he will regret, or maybe not; maybe years later she would find out it was not love but blur feeling at all, but it will be a bittersweet memory, craving in the bottom of her heart.
-the end
Melody in life-Charles Dutoit w/ HKPO
第三次在香港聼Orchestra。這一次去香港文化中心聼著名指揮Charles Dutoit和HKPO合作的表演。由於Swire是HKPO的固定贊助商，GPO BOX訂了超正的票位——正中第三排。
上次在POLY Ｕ聼一個美國音樂學院的表演時，演奏者都是十幾嵗的小孩，音樂和諧度比較差卻帶着年輕生命獨有的歡快與活力，令人忍俊；而這次則是很認真的去聼一次嚴肅音樂。曾經在哪裏看過，人的生命中至少要聼一次嚴肅的音樂，去活躍大腦的皮層，讓自己的生命引起共鳴，去獲取更多人生的力量與醒悟。
每次聼Orchestra的時候我都會覺得一種隱隱的感動，也許我並沒有真正了解到底所聼的樂曲表達的是什麽，但是每次聼不同的旋律我都會感傷，然而是很充滿幸福感的感傷。我不知道該如何去解釋這種矛盾，我在這樣的矛盾中回想起一些平常忽略的點點滴滴。都說人開始年齡增長就會喜歡緬懷過去，我則是在重拾過去的力量中，重新去憧憬未來。
加拿大小提琴家Ms. Juliet的琴聲激昂而澎湃。在樂團的合音襯托下，展現了一個充滿熱情，奮鬥，滿懷希望的世界。那是高雅音樂帶給我們的另類享受，内心深處的震撼。連續的高潮令人應接不暇，卻絲毫沒有給人過份的負荷。幾曲終了，心情卻久久難以平靜。
下半場前半段的合奏略顯疲乏，然而對於一個近兩個小時的純演奏會來説，是不值得挑這樣的小毛病的。最後的尾聲也非常完美，音樂的輕重分佈恰如其分，隨著最後一個音符划上休止，觀衆爆發出持久的雷鳴掌聲，Dutoit連謝了四次幕才回到後臺。
出音樂厛的時候我一直在想，獻身給藝術的人的一生將會是如何的與衆不同？藝術的追求與創造需要長期不滅的欲望與熱情，永遠年輕的心態和樂觀不服輸的精神，那應該是做人追求的一種高境界了。我向奉獻給藝術的人以最崇高的敬意。
在擁擠的街道中閉上雙眼，我似乎還看到了Ms. Juliet的微笑，在琴聲的間歇中隨手扯掉斷掉的一根馬尾，重新在臺上預備下一樂章.....
這個時候的我，最容易滿足于眼前；這樣的人生，無憾。琴聲，歌聲，燭光晚餐，曼舞，電影，談笑風生......
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Belief and Truth
It is said that 95% of humans believe there's existence of super-natural spirits, in whatever forms.
However, in my book, belief does not equal to truth. And humans have been seeking for the truth before humans, yet still we cannot get an answer.
But just assuming, do we really need the truth? Do we really need an answer? What if the truth, the answer is just totally opposite to our belief? and what if there're more than one answer? Some of us will be content, some of us will be desperate. Or the worst of all, all of us.
And then, do you still want an answer, like a pin to burst your bubble, like the darkness to cover your eyes, like a nightmare to replace your sweet dream?
Let's say the answer is 50-50. If you are still struggling to say yes, then how to go on your life, after you find out what you had believed in the past cannot stand on its feet? Can you swiftly reshuffle your brain layers and accept the truth to be your new belief?
Let's say another 50-50 in the previous 50 with a Y. Then if no here, you will soon collide since you have nothing to rely on; if yes, well, you are not a believer but a confused truth goer, since you have never found your own point.
As I said before, two important things in human nature is doubtness, or skepticalism and regret. It explains all. Life itself is contradiction. We persue truth and we are fear of truth, we have our own belief but it can be fragile facing the truth.
But no matter what the truth is, what our belief is, we have tried, are trying, and will try.
Thus we all have the same goal, we all appreciate the process of persuing truth and sticking to our belief, we are all seekers with a strong mind, even people like me who is result-oriented cannot deny that and see the beauty of this power and courage.
What comforts me is, that we all believe we are unique and independent, the truth is, we are not alone.
I have asked myself questions about Belief & Truth when watching Matrix. Today all above come to me while watching Contact.
I think, I have an answer and luckily it is positive.
However, in my book, belief does not equal to truth. And humans have been seeking for the truth before humans, yet still we cannot get an answer.
But just assuming, do we really need the truth? Do we really need an answer? What if the truth, the answer is just totally opposite to our belief? and what if there're more than one answer? Some of us will be content, some of us will be desperate. Or the worst of all, all of us.
And then, do you still want an answer, like a pin to burst your bubble, like the darkness to cover your eyes, like a nightmare to replace your sweet dream?
Let's say the answer is 50-50. If you are still struggling to say yes, then how to go on your life, after you find out what you had believed in the past cannot stand on its feet? Can you swiftly reshuffle your brain layers and accept the truth to be your new belief?
Let's say another 50-50 in the previous 50 with a Y. Then if no here, you will soon collide since you have nothing to rely on; if yes, well, you are not a believer but a confused truth goer, since you have never found your own point.
As I said before, two important things in human nature is doubtness, or skepticalism and regret. It explains all. Life itself is contradiction. We persue truth and we are fear of truth, we have our own belief but it can be fragile facing the truth.
But no matter what the truth is, what our belief is, we have tried, are trying, and will try.
Thus we all have the same goal, we all appreciate the process of persuing truth and sticking to our belief, we are all seekers with a strong mind, even people like me who is result-oriented cannot deny that and see the beauty of this power and courage.
What comforts me is, that we all believe we are unique and independent, the truth is, we are not alone.
I have asked myself questions about Belief & Truth when watching Matrix. Today all above come to me while watching Contact.
I think, I have an answer and luckily it is positive.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Beauty and Appreciation
If someone told you that appearance is not important at all, you gonna find some one who will only appreciate your internal beauty, well, believe me and forgive me, it is totally bullshit, I have to say.
Only these kinds of ppl will tell you this:
1. Those who are big big liars with mean purpose to trap you in some way or they are telling a white lie;
2. Those who don't have external beauty trying to collect their broken pieces of confidence, and most of them hv been hurt before by the so-called appearance;
3. Those who hv so outstanding external beauty that they neglect the previlede they have;
4. Those who watch too many episodes of Ugly Betty and live in the dreams.
In this superficial world, ppl believe the first sight they see. The forever truth is, ppl appreciate your external beauty first, and the fixed impression is under the coat of external beauty you usually hv a superficial and stupid mind. If it turns out to be NOT, then ppl really appreciate your internal beauty.
In the western world there's a very vivid word: Soul Mate, like the quotes in Sex and the City, “two words, a great meaning." It is, and life is so beautiful that someday you come across your soul mate. But nobody will like the soul alone. The soul needs to be bodied in a body, and ideally, a beautiful one.
The real world is cruel. It is like losing weight. You cannot dress your favorite clothes 'cause you are fat. Well, you cannot just hide in your quit and turn on the air-conditioner pretending summer is still decades away, gal, it is June and you need to face the truth. You are seeking for all the fake but good reasons to make yourself blind but still being seen by others, why not get out of your bed, turn off your air-conditioner and sweat a little bit? It helps to lose weight. Sometimes we just need a little push and the courage to face yourself.
If for a long time you are not appreciated by your appearance, you have nothing to blame your parents or genes. All you hv to blame is yourself. Another truth is, "There are not ugly women, but only lazy ones.”
Well then, try to be smart towards ppl around you, and yourself. Life is short and youth is shorter, only wisdom under the cover of beauty is immortal.
Only these kinds of ppl will tell you this:
1. Those who are big big liars with mean purpose to trap you in some way or they are telling a white lie;
2. Those who don't have external beauty trying to collect their broken pieces of confidence, and most of them hv been hurt before by the so-called appearance;
3. Those who hv so outstanding external beauty that they neglect the previlede they have;
4. Those who watch too many episodes of Ugly Betty and live in the dreams.
In this superficial world, ppl believe the first sight they see. The forever truth is, ppl appreciate your external beauty first, and the fixed impression is under the coat of external beauty you usually hv a superficial and stupid mind. If it turns out to be NOT, then ppl really appreciate your internal beauty.
In the western world there's a very vivid word: Soul Mate, like the quotes in Sex and the City, “two words, a great meaning." It is, and life is so beautiful that someday you come across your soul mate. But nobody will like the soul alone. The soul needs to be bodied in a body, and ideally, a beautiful one.
The real world is cruel. It is like losing weight. You cannot dress your favorite clothes 'cause you are fat. Well, you cannot just hide in your quit and turn on the air-conditioner pretending summer is still decades away, gal, it is June and you need to face the truth. You are seeking for all the fake but good reasons to make yourself blind but still being seen by others, why not get out of your bed, turn off your air-conditioner and sweat a little bit? It helps to lose weight. Sometimes we just need a little push and the courage to face yourself.
If for a long time you are not appreciated by your appearance, you have nothing to blame your parents or genes. All you hv to blame is yourself. Another truth is, "There are not ugly women, but only lazy ones.”
Well then, try to be smart towards ppl around you, and yourself. Life is short and youth is shorter, only wisdom under the cover of beauty is immortal.
Monday, July 2, 2007
时间
4 June
以前说，80年代生人，感觉是多么的年轻和新鲜，这是一个属于我们的年代。而如今当越来越多的90年代生人，他们的意识，快熟的程度日益攀升，10多岁的娃娃开始有着我们当年临近20时的思考与叛逆，总有种感觉，我们的年代正在飘远。
我最近时不时地感到难过，我觉得我开始老了，不是说外表或者怎么样，是我年龄上每年都会让我难过一次的数字。虽然你可以很潇洒地说年龄只是个数字，但是这些都是安慰自己的借口罢了。我就是觉得很不舒服，怎样？是个数字又怎样，越来越老本来就是......
很明显我是在烦一些烦了跟不烦结果一样的东西。在我对生命的设想上，这个时候的我应该努力奋斗到可以得到一些成就的时候了，可是我还是一片空白，什么都是空白，在家里永远还是孩子，在外边还是最底层的，在很多很多事情上，我还是一无所有。
我要如何来加快这种生命的进程？我要如何寻找到几个轨道的碰撞点来完成更多思想与心灵的火花？ 谁可以给我答案？？
路都是要自己来走的，在生活里我走得很快很快，在思想里我走得很快很快，在勇气上我却走得很慢很慢，追不上我年龄那一年一次的跳跃。
我想找到那个让我可以对着海，不管矜持哭得一脸眼泪一眼鼻水的肩膀，you will be fine.
以前说，80年代生人，感觉是多么的年轻和新鲜，这是一个属于我们的年代。而如今当越来越多的90年代生人，他们的意识，快熟的程度日益攀升，10多岁的娃娃开始有着我们当年临近20时的思考与叛逆，总有种感觉，我们的年代正在飘远。
我最近时不时地感到难过，我觉得我开始老了，不是说外表或者怎么样，是我年龄上每年都会让我难过一次的数字。虽然你可以很潇洒地说年龄只是个数字，但是这些都是安慰自己的借口罢了。我就是觉得很不舒服，怎样？是个数字又怎样，越来越老本来就是......
很明显我是在烦一些烦了跟不烦结果一样的东西。在我对生命的设想上，这个时候的我应该努力奋斗到可以得到一些成就的时候了，可是我还是一片空白，什么都是空白，在家里永远还是孩子，在外边还是最底层的，在很多很多事情上，我还是一无所有。
我要如何来加快这种生命的进程？我要如何寻找到几个轨道的碰撞点来完成更多思想与心灵的火花？ 谁可以给我答案？？
路都是要自己来走的，在生活里我走得很快很快，在思想里我走得很快很快，在勇气上我却走得很慢很慢，追不上我年龄那一年一次的跳跃。
我想找到那个让我可以对着海，不管矜持哭得一脸眼泪一眼鼻水的肩膀，you will be fine.
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN: THE DIRECTOR’S CUT
Two yrs ago when I watched the cinema version, it was totally rubbish built on tons of dollars. I hardly believed it was directed by Ridley Scott-Man of Gladiator.
Not till I enjoyed this DVD did I realize it was ruined by FOX cut. The director’s cut is 54 mins longer however every minute is essential. The characters are much more developed and complete. It is a real epic, an ode to history.
About the extra in Director’s cut: the OVERTURE appeared at the very beginning in the dark screen for 1 min. it is a bold trail to calm the audience down and to get ready for a journey back to the ancient time. The INTERMISSION in the middle, also gives audience time to digest and dive into the climax.
About the character:
Balian: the Director’s cut develops deeper of the background, psychology and philosophy of Balian. A real giant doesn’t hv to say how great he is, all he has to do is remember his oath, take action at his will for his people and remain silent. People will spread his fame and history will keep one page of him.
Sibylla: the Director Cut turns her from a vase to a vivid spirit. As she said, every woman has two faces. She embraced her true love regardless of others’ eyes, she killed her own son, the new king of Jerusalem, to end his predictable tragic future; meanwhile she made mistakes like every woman does for revenge, regretted, and redeemed. Like every happy ending, she deserves what she wants in the end, dropping down the load of royalty.
About the music: it is extremely full of sorrow and agony. It penetrates through the whole 4 hrs, even when men fighting with their exposed veins and shed their blood like every other action movie. The music implies that this movie does not glorify the power of war but an elegy to humans sacrificed in search of fortune and land, and faith on religions and human himself.
P.S. Strongly recommended for Martian not for typical Venusian, it is too bloody and violent. You see continuous spots of blood spraying like fountain from the throat, heads rolling all over the ground, eyeballs not in the right place, bodies without head or only a piece of it, all man alive with dusty faces with wounds and scars. What is more, they don’t take a shower because of lacking of water. But if you are freaky girl like I am, then enjoy the essence of it. It makes me sad.
P.S. P.S. The only mistake Ridley Scott did was choosing Orlando Bloom to be Balian. He is too pretty, too clean, too young and too peaceful to become a fighter unless he is a Nicholas in Lord of the rings, who would never bleed or get injured with a perfect face. You can tell from the movie that Orli was dedicating every piece of himself for this role however he is really not the right person, I have to admit with tears…Moreover, he wouldn’t contribute to the box office since girls are reluctant to see their prince bleeding and getting dusty, while men curse him for taking too much attention of their women.
Not till I enjoyed this DVD did I realize it was ruined by FOX cut. The director’s cut is 54 mins longer however every minute is essential. The characters are much more developed and complete. It is a real epic, an ode to history.
About the extra in Director’s cut: the OVERTURE appeared at the very beginning in the dark screen for 1 min. it is a bold trail to calm the audience down and to get ready for a journey back to the ancient time. The INTERMISSION in the middle, also gives audience time to digest and dive into the climax.
About the character:
Balian: the Director’s cut develops deeper of the background, psychology and philosophy of Balian. A real giant doesn’t hv to say how great he is, all he has to do is remember his oath, take action at his will for his people and remain silent. People will spread his fame and history will keep one page of him.
Sibylla: the Director Cut turns her from a vase to a vivid spirit. As she said, every woman has two faces. She embraced her true love regardless of others’ eyes, she killed her own son, the new king of Jerusalem, to end his predictable tragic future; meanwhile she made mistakes like every woman does for revenge, regretted, and redeemed. Like every happy ending, she deserves what she wants in the end, dropping down the load of royalty.
About the music: it is extremely full of sorrow and agony. It penetrates through the whole 4 hrs, even when men fighting with their exposed veins and shed their blood like every other action movie. The music implies that this movie does not glorify the power of war but an elegy to humans sacrificed in search of fortune and land, and faith on religions and human himself.
P.S. Strongly recommended for Martian not for typical Venusian, it is too bloody and violent. You see continuous spots of blood spraying like fountain from the throat, heads rolling all over the ground, eyeballs not in the right place, bodies without head or only a piece of it, all man alive with dusty faces with wounds and scars. What is more, they don’t take a shower because of lacking of water. But if you are freaky girl like I am, then enjoy the essence of it. It makes me sad.
P.S. P.S. The only mistake Ridley Scott did was choosing Orlando Bloom to be Balian. He is too pretty, too clean, too young and too peaceful to become a fighter unless he is a Nicholas in Lord of the rings, who would never bleed or get injured with a perfect face. You can tell from the movie that Orli was dedicating every piece of himself for this role however he is really not the right person, I have to admit with tears…Moreover, he wouldn’t contribute to the box office since girls are reluctant to see their prince bleeding and getting dusty, while men curse him for taking too much attention of their women.
红勘露天交响乐之夜，灵魂的声音——记symphony under the stars
2 December
天空如洗涤过一样干净，伴着些许朦胧的月光和最美的维港夜景，我彻底地醉了，倒在音乐的怀抱之中。
1万5千多观众席地而坐，露天的巨大舞台，盛大的香港交响乐团，在指挥棒的弧线流动中，在变幻无穷的舞台背景灯下，用和谐而悠扬的乐声划破了红勘码头的宁静，随着初冬的夜风，在空气中随意荡漾。
第一次在现场如此近的接触交响乐，以如此奇特的方式。没有贵宾席，没有沙发，没有精致的音乐厅，没有高价门票，有的只是一张地席，一个露天码头，一张免费门票，光着脚到处摆着零食，却有着同样高雅的艺术欣赏。在宣传页右上角赞助，清晰地印着太古集团的太极旗，深深地为太古致力于高雅艺术平民化教育的精神深深打动，深深地骄傲。
一直以为交响乐过于难懂，今夜彻底地改变了我的想法。上半场的熟悉的旋律，不知名的乐曲，抑或高昂澎湃，抑或凄美悲壮，随着那一呼一吸，一紧一松，一弹一拨，一动一静，时悲时喜的表情，让人神经紧绷，耳目皆不暇接。
下半场，小提琴家吕思清带着17世纪的天价小提琴登场。一首梁祝，从银笛的前曲，到小提琴的独奏，到大合奏，每一个音符似乎都深深牵动着每个细胞，这个古老而凄美的东方爱情故事在每个人的想象中，在脑中徐徐展开，随着激情的小提琴两次琴弓弦断转弦，好象神经和情感都变得如此脆弱而不堪一击，感觉灵魂在颤抖，在呻吟，最后变成蝴蝶，在小提琴独奏的主旋律声中，越飘越远，直到消失在视线的尽头。曲终，这份共鸣仍在延伸。四次的登台谢幕，久久不息的掌声。
最后的柴可夫斯基《1812序曲》，有别于梁祝的经典东方韵味，多次的大合奏和极强音，似乎从温柔凄婉的儿女情长，突然间时空转换来到万马奔腾炮火硝烟的战场，气势宏大，来势汹汹，定音鼓声声敲动心房，霎时舞台烟花伴着巨大的炮声四起，将音乐会推向了最高潮，不等观众回神，曲终谢幕，在最顶端处嘎然而止，随着跳跃到半空的心所有人站立，持续的掌声喝彩声, 此刻难以表达内心的激动。是的，难以形容，感谢造物者，让人拥有了如此澎湃的激情，如此完善的听觉。
主题为“星幕下的交响曲”，今晚天幕却是如此清澈，一如受过洗涤的内心。品一口免费的starbucks暖暖的咖啡，足以将这个夜晚铭记在脑海中。
艺术和音乐于我，是生活中最值得回味，珍惜与追求的精髓，是人类最难能可贵的魅力所在。跟三位同事愉快地谈笑风生步过美丽如画的维港红勘码头，我独自在路上浅笑，感谢生活，感谢上苍，感谢艺术家，这晚赐予我无比的幸福感。
天空如洗涤过一样干净，伴着些许朦胧的月光和最美的维港夜景，我彻底地醉了，倒在音乐的怀抱之中。
1万5千多观众席地而坐，露天的巨大舞台，盛大的香港交响乐团，在指挥棒的弧线流动中，在变幻无穷的舞台背景灯下，用和谐而悠扬的乐声划破了红勘码头的宁静，随着初冬的夜风，在空气中随意荡漾。
第一次在现场如此近的接触交响乐，以如此奇特的方式。没有贵宾席，没有沙发，没有精致的音乐厅，没有高价门票，有的只是一张地席，一个露天码头，一张免费门票，光着脚到处摆着零食，却有着同样高雅的艺术欣赏。在宣传页右上角赞助，清晰地印着太古集团的太极旗，深深地为太古致力于高雅艺术平民化教育的精神深深打动，深深地骄傲。
一直以为交响乐过于难懂，今夜彻底地改变了我的想法。上半场的熟悉的旋律，不知名的乐曲，抑或高昂澎湃，抑或凄美悲壮，随着那一呼一吸，一紧一松，一弹一拨，一动一静，时悲时喜的表情，让人神经紧绷，耳目皆不暇接。
下半场，小提琴家吕思清带着17世纪的天价小提琴登场。一首梁祝，从银笛的前曲，到小提琴的独奏，到大合奏，每一个音符似乎都深深牵动着每个细胞，这个古老而凄美的东方爱情故事在每个人的想象中，在脑中徐徐展开，随着激情的小提琴两次琴弓弦断转弦，好象神经和情感都变得如此脆弱而不堪一击，感觉灵魂在颤抖，在呻吟，最后变成蝴蝶，在小提琴独奏的主旋律声中，越飘越远，直到消失在视线的尽头。曲终，这份共鸣仍在延伸。四次的登台谢幕，久久不息的掌声。
最后的柴可夫斯基《1812序曲》，有别于梁祝的经典东方韵味，多次的大合奏和极强音，似乎从温柔凄婉的儿女情长，突然间时空转换来到万马奔腾炮火硝烟的战场，气势宏大，来势汹汹，定音鼓声声敲动心房，霎时舞台烟花伴着巨大的炮声四起，将音乐会推向了最高潮，不等观众回神，曲终谢幕，在最顶端处嘎然而止，随着跳跃到半空的心所有人站立，持续的掌声喝彩声, 此刻难以表达内心的激动。是的，难以形容，感谢造物者，让人拥有了如此澎湃的激情，如此完善的听觉。
主题为“星幕下的交响曲”，今晚天幕却是如此清澈，一如受过洗涤的内心。品一口免费的starbucks暖暖的咖啡，足以将这个夜晚铭记在脑海中。
艺术和音乐于我，是生活中最值得回味，珍惜与追求的精髓，是人类最难能可贵的魅力所在。跟三位同事愉快地谈笑风生步过美丽如画的维港红勘码头，我独自在路上浅笑，感谢生活，感谢上苍，感谢艺术家，这晚赐予我无比的幸福感。
An inconvenient truth绝望的真相
10 October
周日跟一同事去看这部片，是公司内部订的票，听说是跟温室效应有关，像“后天”那样的片子，于是满心期待跑去UA。
看完这部片之后，有一种很奇特的情感混杂，因为这部片本来也是这样的，多角度去看，会有多角度的感受，但是总体来说，作为电影的话，非常令人失望，没有充其量也只能是一部用事实和数据说话的前总统真人环保讲座教育。如果用这样的眼光来看的话，是一场不错的教育形式。然而，more than that.
片子在戈尔的演说中开始，通过一些政府内部的文件和数据揭露了一些绝望的环境真相，如冰川的融化，已经严重到整个北极和南极地带每时每刻都在急剧减少，速度与数量令人恐慌；全球温度的升高是人类历史上最夸张的直线状态，回忆一下05年的那些热气逼人的日子就会明白这种说法并不是夸大其词；以这个速度来计算，如果不采取有力的措施，用不了100年，海平面升高的程度，将淹没美国世贸中心遗址，淹没北京，淹没上海。而在此之前，大规模的物种灭绝跟瘟疫，病患，灾难性气候，将笼罩整个地球。且不去说我们可以为环保作什么，这样的真相，的确是可以让人彻底绝望的。从这个意义上来说，我们又不得不去思考这样的问题，到底是去揭示这样的事实，还是继续蒙在鼓里生活？现世论的观念盛行，与这样的意识无不相关，同样的另一面，滋生了可持续发展。
而片子又不单单是一场讲座，片中不断插入一些戈尔的真实生活片断。似乎他的生活真相也曾经让他陷入不断的失望当中。6岁的儿子车祸差点丢了性命只能靠轮椅，姐姐由于吸烟得肺癌而死，总统选举落败，不同人对于他热衷环保的抨击，似乎生活对于他也是一场风光背后的悲凉。那潺潺流水的安静呻吟，那些黑白照片和头条报纸的快闪，布什政府官员的极端评论，甚至在演讲后阵阵的掌声，随着戈尔低沉的自语和自嘲的浅笑，还有他的思考的沉默，都力透出一种说不出的淡淡的悲凉，似乎比温室效应的真相更令人触动。
片尾无可避免是一些如何做去保护环保的措施，只是必行环节，这里就不说了。我开始想这部片真的单纯是为了环保吗？还是像戈尔这种有头脑的政治家想以此种不可驳斥的真相作为宣传自己和抨击布什政府的手段？毕竟在一推一拉的影片效果下，无论是人前的辉煌还是自己身后的哀伤，都将戈尔的形象扩大到无可复加的程度。
这样来想的话，虽然觉得有点被愚弄了，却实在不得不佩服。对于布什政府来说，在这部“绝望真相”下，真的是存在着另外的an inconvenient truth吧。
还是那句话，去电影院看这样的片子很不值，如果网上有得下的话，推荐一看
周日跟一同事去看这部片，是公司内部订的票，听说是跟温室效应有关，像“后天”那样的片子，于是满心期待跑去UA。
看完这部片之后，有一种很奇特的情感混杂，因为这部片本来也是这样的，多角度去看，会有多角度的感受，但是总体来说，作为电影的话，非常令人失望，没有充其量也只能是一部用事实和数据说话的前总统真人环保讲座教育。如果用这样的眼光来看的话，是一场不错的教育形式。然而，more than that.
片子在戈尔的演说中开始，通过一些政府内部的文件和数据揭露了一些绝望的环境真相，如冰川的融化，已经严重到整个北极和南极地带每时每刻都在急剧减少，速度与数量令人恐慌；全球温度的升高是人类历史上最夸张的直线状态，回忆一下05年的那些热气逼人的日子就会明白这种说法并不是夸大其词；以这个速度来计算，如果不采取有力的措施，用不了100年，海平面升高的程度，将淹没美国世贸中心遗址，淹没北京，淹没上海。而在此之前，大规模的物种灭绝跟瘟疫，病患，灾难性气候，将笼罩整个地球。且不去说我们可以为环保作什么，这样的真相，的确是可以让人彻底绝望的。从这个意义上来说，我们又不得不去思考这样的问题，到底是去揭示这样的事实，还是继续蒙在鼓里生活？现世论的观念盛行，与这样的意识无不相关，同样的另一面，滋生了可持续发展。
而片子又不单单是一场讲座，片中不断插入一些戈尔的真实生活片断。似乎他的生活真相也曾经让他陷入不断的失望当中。6岁的儿子车祸差点丢了性命只能靠轮椅，姐姐由于吸烟得肺癌而死，总统选举落败，不同人对于他热衷环保的抨击，似乎生活对于他也是一场风光背后的悲凉。那潺潺流水的安静呻吟，那些黑白照片和头条报纸的快闪，布什政府官员的极端评论，甚至在演讲后阵阵的掌声，随着戈尔低沉的自语和自嘲的浅笑，还有他的思考的沉默，都力透出一种说不出的淡淡的悲凉，似乎比温室效应的真相更令人触动。
片尾无可避免是一些如何做去保护环保的措施，只是必行环节，这里就不说了。我开始想这部片真的单纯是为了环保吗？还是像戈尔这种有头脑的政治家想以此种不可驳斥的真相作为宣传自己和抨击布什政府的手段？毕竟在一推一拉的影片效果下，无论是人前的辉煌还是自己身后的哀伤，都将戈尔的形象扩大到无可复加的程度。
这样来想的话，虽然觉得有点被愚弄了，却实在不得不佩服。对于布什政府来说，在这部“绝望真相”下，真的是存在着另外的an inconvenient truth吧。
还是那句话，去电影院看这样的片子很不值，如果网上有得下的话，推荐一看
love is like career-My blabble
21 May
Who says love is like career ?
If so, then you have to...
1.make your own cover letter and resume-your apperance and your character.
2.send it to the appropiate company-express your feeliing to the rihgt person.
or
hire a hunting company-ppl aournd you might of help
3.if the company is interested in you, you will have several interviews-your dates, whenever it fails, then saying goodbye.
4.if the company feels you are the right person, they hire you-Now you are in a relationship.
5. You go to work and try-mantain your relationship.
6. If you found it good, you are happy to work as long as you can; if not as good as you thought, you feel frustrated,trying to adapt it, or trying to leave-the ups and downs in your relationship.
7. You finally quit and seek for a new job, or you quit after finding a new job-another relationship starts.
8. Your work experience counts-so is your love experience.
9. The circle goes around and around, till the day you settle down and then retire.-getting married, getting old and die.
10. The company give you a long-term service award-that's the stone on your tomb "my beloved..."
And I think, the most amazing thing is that, we call it "I found a good/bad COMPANY."
Well, I have been holding my cover letter and resume for more than 20 yrs and still unemployed.
My work experience is 0 yr, so all I can get is the lowest salary, which I won't work for my dignity.
I guess I will strive for some Swire MT opportunity......
Really funny.
Who says love is like career ?
If so, then you have to...
1.make your own cover letter and resume-your apperance and your character.
2.send it to the appropiate company-express your feeliing to the rihgt person.
or
hire a hunting company-ppl aournd you might of help
3.if the company is interested in you, you will have several interviews-your dates, whenever it fails, then saying goodbye.
4.if the company feels you are the right person, they hire you-Now you are in a relationship.
5. You go to work and try-mantain your relationship.
6. If you found it good, you are happy to work as long as you can; if not as good as you thought, you feel frustrated,trying to adapt it, or trying to leave-the ups and downs in your relationship.
7. You finally quit and seek for a new job, or you quit after finding a new job-another relationship starts.
8. Your work experience counts-so is your love experience.
9. The circle goes around and around, till the day you settle down and then retire.-getting married, getting old and die.
10. The company give you a long-term service award-that's the stone on your tomb "my beloved..."
And I think, the most amazing thing is that, we call it "I found a good/bad COMPANY."
Well, I have been holding my cover letter and resume for more than 20 yrs and still unemployed.
My work experience is 0 yr, so all I can get is the lowest salary, which I won't work for my dignity.
I guess I will strive for some Swire MT opportunity......
Really funny.
人生如真人show
16 January
周六花了一个下午看电影《楚门的世界》，感概很深。楚门从出生开始整个人生操纵在导演的手里，全世界的人都在看着他而他却不知道，身边的亲人朋友陌生人每一个生活细节每一个场景都是安排好的，那会是什么感觉？为了挣脱这种长达30年的控制宁愿冲破这种桃源世界，他冒着生命危险勇敢的走向通往真实世界的出口，尽管知道那是一个残酷的世界，却是真实与自由的。
也许我们每一个人都是楚门。冥冥之中命运被掌握在某个人的手里，只要不打乱整个剧本，他允许人们做自以为了不起实际上却无伤大碍的抗争。只要偏离制定的轨道，马上就会被周围巨大的网络拉回来，然后在成长的过程中学会痛苦，学会放弃，学会接受本来接受不了的事物，喜剧悲剧都好全看导演安排，以保证自己这出真人SHOW 的顺利进行。只要你的收视率下跌了，你的电视频道就会被封掉，表演到此结束，你也可以完成自己的一生了。这就是所谓的宿命论，如果存在的话。
人生存在着太多太多的不确定性，我们常常需要假设。有的人不顾一切拼得头破血流只是为了一个真理，不成功就成仁；有的宁可活在可能是虚幻的现状，害怕真实后边的残酷；有的人在不停地思考，却只是思考，在努力明白真实与现状的区别的暗沟中苟且活着，郁郁寡欢。
而我属于第三类人。我的脑袋经常因为思考太多离奇古怪的问题而脑部供血不足，于是我有间歇性头晕的毛病。在白天我解释为睡眠不足，在夜晚我解释为发困，不论白天或者夜晚我都无法停止这种思考的模式，得出答案的为自己欢呼一下然后不付诸任何行动进入下个思考， 没有答案的就放在记忆的空间角落，等待灵感。
我因此而久久无法释怀，我相信命运，却无法信服命运。到底是谁在掌握着我们的命运？神，上帝还是某个拥有可以改变别人命运的日记本的普通人？又是什么决定我们的命运是好是坏？是抽签是轮回还是故意的安排来弥补我们前生后世的罪过，如果这个也存在的话？
突然又联想到黑客帝国，这个更令人震惊的假设。想象如果我们周围的一切包括我们自己都是虚拟的程式，真实的世界只是一片被机械怪物所操控的母体里，象位于母亲身体里湿粘粘的胎儿身体和插在脑袋后边的线？这样的真实，就用来想象就行了。我宁愿做一个被注视的真人SHOW主角，活在一个特定的桃源岛里，象永远害怕大海不会去远行的楚门，就算知道真相也继续演下去。
周六花了一个下午看电影《楚门的世界》，感概很深。楚门从出生开始整个人生操纵在导演的手里，全世界的人都在看着他而他却不知道，身边的亲人朋友陌生人每一个生活细节每一个场景都是安排好的，那会是什么感觉？为了挣脱这种长达30年的控制宁愿冲破这种桃源世界，他冒着生命危险勇敢的走向通往真实世界的出口，尽管知道那是一个残酷的世界，却是真实与自由的。
也许我们每一个人都是楚门。冥冥之中命运被掌握在某个人的手里，只要不打乱整个剧本，他允许人们做自以为了不起实际上却无伤大碍的抗争。只要偏离制定的轨道，马上就会被周围巨大的网络拉回来，然后在成长的过程中学会痛苦，学会放弃，学会接受本来接受不了的事物，喜剧悲剧都好全看导演安排，以保证自己这出真人SHOW 的顺利进行。只要你的收视率下跌了，你的电视频道就会被封掉，表演到此结束，你也可以完成自己的一生了。这就是所谓的宿命论，如果存在的话。
人生存在着太多太多的不确定性，我们常常需要假设。有的人不顾一切拼得头破血流只是为了一个真理，不成功就成仁；有的宁可活在可能是虚幻的现状，害怕真实后边的残酷；有的人在不停地思考，却只是思考，在努力明白真实与现状的区别的暗沟中苟且活着，郁郁寡欢。
而我属于第三类人。我的脑袋经常因为思考太多离奇古怪的问题而脑部供血不足，于是我有间歇性头晕的毛病。在白天我解释为睡眠不足，在夜晚我解释为发困，不论白天或者夜晚我都无法停止这种思考的模式，得出答案的为自己欢呼一下然后不付诸任何行动进入下个思考， 没有答案的就放在记忆的空间角落，等待灵感。
我因此而久久无法释怀，我相信命运，却无法信服命运。到底是谁在掌握着我们的命运？神，上帝还是某个拥有可以改变别人命运的日记本的普通人？又是什么决定我们的命运是好是坏？是抽签是轮回还是故意的安排来弥补我们前生后世的罪过，如果这个也存在的话？
突然又联想到黑客帝国，这个更令人震惊的假设。想象如果我们周围的一切包括我们自己都是虚拟的程式，真实的世界只是一片被机械怪物所操控的母体里，象位于母亲身体里湿粘粘的胎儿身体和插在脑袋后边的线？这样的真实，就用来想象就行了。我宁愿做一个被注视的真人SHOW主角，活在一个特定的桃源岛里，象永远害怕大海不会去远行的楚门，就算知道真相也继续演下去。
当过去成为Ps过的回忆......
15 August
喜欢上ATV world的cold case,香港译为铁证悬案，我认为此译法欠妥，还不如直译，铁证根本就无法表达此剧集的精髓所在。所谓cold case,就是那种很久都无法侦破，材料被搁置起来坐冷宫的案子。片中精干的探员专门对付这种陈年旧案，解除几十年的谜团。
而让我感叹不已的，并不是侦破的案件来龙去脉或者剧情的曲折迷离，而是回忆与过去。当目击者叙述几十年前的情景时，镜头让过去重演在眼前，白发的人重新黑头，废墟重现繁华，而故事在现在与过去的镜头变换中随着线索像珠子串起来，无法形容的光彩夺目。随着冷案的解决，重现的过去让人陷入一种回味的美与现实的痛的矛盾交叉中，柔光镜的运用将这种唯美展现得淋漓尽致。
更让我感叹的，是现实中对于过去的回忆，总是随着岁月这个高明的整容师，变得不现实起来。人总是喜欢美化周围的一切，明明知道是虚假。而这样的趋势随着社会的发展，科技的发达而日益加强。我想起PS过的照片。大到整个背景，小到一颗痘一根乱发，都可以改变，而这些造就不是明星的专利而落入平常的生活。谁都希望自己看上去很美，无可厚非。
我不禁问自己，当岁月流逝，十年二十年甚至更久，当大家都忘记了你当年的模样，你是否会信誓旦旦地说自己当年如何的美丽艳光然后还拿出PS过的照片作为铁证？没有生活中的探员，这就是一个永恒的cold case了，你自己把过去的你扼杀在过去，在你现在拥有的回忆之前，然后你相信了这个谎言。
确有那么一天的话，这个社会将是说不出的悲凉。我突然之间这么想，是因为有太多生活的琐事让我感叹表面与内心的差别，真实与回忆的鸿沟。我们是否还可以问心无愧地说，生活是最真实的？人，真的只能活在当下而忘记过去或者美化过去？我真的很怀疑。
我想，当我习惯假象，也许已经到了自己虚幻过去的时候了。而景象，只能在脑里重现，毕竟生活不是拍剧集。
Cold case突然被变态的减肥广告插断，我关灯去做梦了。
喜欢上ATV world的cold case,香港译为铁证悬案，我认为此译法欠妥，还不如直译，铁证根本就无法表达此剧集的精髓所在。所谓cold case,就是那种很久都无法侦破，材料被搁置起来坐冷宫的案子。片中精干的探员专门对付这种陈年旧案，解除几十年的谜团。
而让我感叹不已的，并不是侦破的案件来龙去脉或者剧情的曲折迷离，而是回忆与过去。当目击者叙述几十年前的情景时，镜头让过去重演在眼前，白发的人重新黑头，废墟重现繁华，而故事在现在与过去的镜头变换中随着线索像珠子串起来，无法形容的光彩夺目。随着冷案的解决，重现的过去让人陷入一种回味的美与现实的痛的矛盾交叉中，柔光镜的运用将这种唯美展现得淋漓尽致。
更让我感叹的，是现实中对于过去的回忆，总是随着岁月这个高明的整容师，变得不现实起来。人总是喜欢美化周围的一切，明明知道是虚假。而这样的趋势随着社会的发展，科技的发达而日益加强。我想起PS过的照片。大到整个背景，小到一颗痘一根乱发，都可以改变，而这些造就不是明星的专利而落入平常的生活。谁都希望自己看上去很美，无可厚非。
我不禁问自己，当岁月流逝，十年二十年甚至更久，当大家都忘记了你当年的模样，你是否会信誓旦旦地说自己当年如何的美丽艳光然后还拿出PS过的照片作为铁证？没有生活中的探员，这就是一个永恒的cold case了，你自己把过去的你扼杀在过去，在你现在拥有的回忆之前，然后你相信了这个谎言。
确有那么一天的话，这个社会将是说不出的悲凉。我突然之间这么想，是因为有太多生活的琐事让我感叹表面与内心的差别，真实与回忆的鸿沟。我们是否还可以问心无愧地说，生活是最真实的？人，真的只能活在当下而忘记过去或者美化过去？我真的很怀疑。
我想，当我习惯假象，也许已经到了自己虚幻过去的时候了。而景象，只能在脑里重现，毕竟生活不是拍剧集。
Cold case突然被变态的减肥广告插断，我关灯去做梦了。
Orlando Bloom
25 August
When the cash has already drown the boxes but people are still flooding into the cinema for POTC2, only can the Chinese fan download and buy illegal copies and I am still letting my mouthwater flowing all over my room, watching clips and interviews and premere and news and everything of Orlando Bloom. Almost killing me now with that irresitable smile and shiny eyes and the most delicate nose in the world, I can temporarily forget his curly hair......
Isn't it unbelievable to have a crush on someone you have never and probably will never meet? Definitely it is not fanctacy of fans to pop icons. I know the feeling truly exist in soul. When mixture of happiness and sorrow,bitter and sweetness all twist together, for the guy simply in front of you however too far to reach. You are dying to see him in person and fear at the same time that reality will burst your bubble.
It seems in my history seldom have I had any interest for boys, and luckily nor for girls...Not mentioned the naive-aged fanctacy for Backstreet Boys' Nick Carter, who is now well enough to join the fat boy slim and those days earlier for Tom Cruise as an American Idol. It is totally different from that for Orlando. Perhaps you can call it the Ideal Mold for your another half. And tragedy happens when it can never become true. Sad,sad,sad......
And indeed I am an idealist, always for the best and looking for the better. Will it too fun a joke to admit that I do know such a chamistry effect truly deeply exist by falling in love with pics and movies of OB? Sounds wierd and unacceptable even to myself. Guess my mind is no more clear for the situation.
Andres and Fabian kept on telling me things about OB and said they could see him in the streets in US. Just go ahead and make me a laughing stone, nothing to be ashamed of my idea, at least not at this moment,who knows next minute who will be another OB in mind?
Totally insane for such a freaky idea typing here, but I am still dying to see POTC2 and Haven coming soon. Bless me~~
Kiss and Good night>>>>>
When the cash has already drown the boxes but people are still flooding into the cinema for POTC2, only can the Chinese fan download and buy illegal copies and I am still letting my mouthwater flowing all over my room, watching clips and interviews and premere and news and everything of Orlando Bloom. Almost killing me now with that irresitable smile and shiny eyes and the most delicate nose in the world, I can temporarily forget his curly hair......
Isn't it unbelievable to have a crush on someone you have never and probably will never meet? Definitely it is not fanctacy of fans to pop icons. I know the feeling truly exist in soul. When mixture of happiness and sorrow,bitter and sweetness all twist together, for the guy simply in front of you however too far to reach. You are dying to see him in person and fear at the same time that reality will burst your bubble.
It seems in my history seldom have I had any interest for boys, and luckily nor for girls...Not mentioned the naive-aged fanctacy for Backstreet Boys' Nick Carter, who is now well enough to join the fat boy slim and those days earlier for Tom Cruise as an American Idol. It is totally different from that for Orlando. Perhaps you can call it the Ideal Mold for your another half. And tragedy happens when it can never become true. Sad,sad,sad......
And indeed I am an idealist, always for the best and looking for the better. Will it too fun a joke to admit that I do know such a chamistry effect truly deeply exist by falling in love with pics and movies of OB? Sounds wierd and unacceptable even to myself. Guess my mind is no more clear for the situation.
Andres and Fabian kept on telling me things about OB and said they could see him in the streets in US. Just go ahead and make me a laughing stone, nothing to be ashamed of my idea, at least not at this moment,who knows next minute who will be another OB in mind?
Totally insane for such a freaky idea typing here, but I am still dying to see POTC2 and Haven coming soon. Bless me~~
Kiss and Good night>>>>>
TO her I saw-my novel
28 September
She knows exactly she is just a subtitute, every time he smiles to her. But that's the reason she thinks it is worthy of.
Yesterday he called her name as somebody else, again. The 4th time in this month. She has been used to it. He apologized, shruged his shoulders and burried his head in the newspaper. She made a face and drank her orange juice, looking outside the window. She knew he was not reading at all, it was the Lady's page. Nothing outside worths seeing either.
He is trying to waste the time, and she is wasting her time. Not even a drop of tear has to be torn. They both are willing to see the days passing by like this. He needs her to recall another she in mind, she needs him around to pretend she is being loved. Relationship sometimes, is just for maintain the warmth, not letting neither of the two woke up from a nightmare and cry like a child.
Her eyes moist in the dark, lying in the same bed on the same long pillow where he is, on another side. Suddenly he turned over and held her in the arms. She feels moisture again, not from herself.
She buried the face on his chest and numbled,
I love you. For real, she knows truly deeply from her heart and vein.
I love you,too. He hardly hears himself but makes himself heard.
Conciousness vanishes, good dream, and another day will be passed.
She knows exactly she is just a subtitute, every time he smiles to her. But that's the reason she thinks it is worthy of.
Yesterday he called her name as somebody else, again. The 4th time in this month. She has been used to it. He apologized, shruged his shoulders and burried his head in the newspaper. She made a face and drank her orange juice, looking outside the window. She knew he was not reading at all, it was the Lady's page. Nothing outside worths seeing either.
He is trying to waste the time, and she is wasting her time. Not even a drop of tear has to be torn. They both are willing to see the days passing by like this. He needs her to recall another she in mind, she needs him around to pretend she is being loved. Relationship sometimes, is just for maintain the warmth, not letting neither of the two woke up from a nightmare and cry like a child.
Her eyes moist in the dark, lying in the same bed on the same long pillow where he is, on another side. Suddenly he turned over and held her in the arms. She feels moisture again, not from herself.
She buried the face on his chest and numbled,
I love you. For real, she knows truly deeply from her heart and vein.
I love you,too. He hardly hears himself but makes himself heard.
Conciousness vanishes, good dream, and another day will be passed.
交错的艺术
4 February
看了一部电影，Sexual Life，名字听起来有些情色，实际上是一部不可多得的剧情片。
电影的主体构思有点像Babel,看似毫不相关的人与事物之间存在着看不见的关联；内容则有点像Closer(偷心人〉，只是我更喜欢这部片子，没有大明星效应和强硬的台词，像白开水一样的平淡又让人浅浅的痛。
电影就像是一个串字游戏。而片子的第一个女主角, 一个拥有甜美笑容的妓女Lorna, 从串字游戏中拉开了电影的序幕。年轻的独立摄影师Todd召了她发生了关系，Lorna把姐妹送的礼物不小心留在了Todd的车上而成了这一次关系的见证；Todd与另外一位女子Sarah约会而与她有了关系，而Sarah对感情存在的太多怀疑和对生活的压力让这个年轻的艺术家感到不自在，他们对于生活的态度形成了强烈的对比；Sarah与自己老板Phil的外遇而有了关系，她一直苦恼于对于浪漫还是金钱名誉的追求，最终舍弃了那段不正常的恋情；Phil与Sarah分手后跟自己的太太Gwen来到初次约会的中国餐馆，却发现两人早已丢失了爱情，最终离婚；Gwen接到大学旧男友David的电话留言以为有机会开始新恋情而前往酒店订房，结果发现对方是同性恋而失意之下与酒店前台服务员发生了关系，而对方碰巧也叫做David；David的女友Rosie为了嫁给代理市长的儿子Jerry而抛弃了他，却无法否认真正的爱情而陷入心理斗争；Jerry在结婚的前一天接受了朋友为其安排的告别单身的召妓活动而见到了Lorna, 最终还是理智地选择了逃离；Lorna在报纸上看到Jerry的婚礼信息前往参礼，为Jerry的忠贞留下了感动的泪水，在婚礼上遇到了为新人拍照的Todd，故事就这样在带着有些诙谐的音乐中轻松结束。
本来以为Lorna与Todd会走在一起重新开始这个串字游戏演变为另外一种循环，可是导演并没有这样做而留给观众自己去想象，这样的结局也许是最完美的。只是我很喜欢这个笑起来像天使一般的女孩，她的职业似乎丝毫没有剥夺她对于人生的态度和善良的天性，如此地让人爱怜；而饰演Todd的Tom Everett Scott在剧中的造型看起来活生生是一个长相较为粗糙的Orlando Bloom, 同样的头发，身型，擦鼻子侧边的小动作，休闲而有点懒惰的着衣风格，总是微笑的绅士个性。这两个人物为这部有点伤感的男女关系电影带来了些许的阳光。虽然电影是以混乱的性关系作为主题，但是并没有刻意的情色镜头，总是浅浅带过而更着力描写人物的内心世界而显得更有深度。
看了一部电影，Sexual Life，名字听起来有些情色，实际上是一部不可多得的剧情片。
电影的主体构思有点像Babel,看似毫不相关的人与事物之间存在着看不见的关联；内容则有点像Closer(偷心人〉，只是我更喜欢这部片子，没有大明星效应和强硬的台词，像白开水一样的平淡又让人浅浅的痛。
电影就像是一个串字游戏。而片子的第一个女主角, 一个拥有甜美笑容的妓女Lorna, 从串字游戏中拉开了电影的序幕。年轻的独立摄影师Todd召了她发生了关系，Lorna把姐妹送的礼物不小心留在了Todd的车上而成了这一次关系的见证；Todd与另外一位女子Sarah约会而与她有了关系，而Sarah对感情存在的太多怀疑和对生活的压力让这个年轻的艺术家感到不自在，他们对于生活的态度形成了强烈的对比；Sarah与自己老板Phil的外遇而有了关系，她一直苦恼于对于浪漫还是金钱名誉的追求，最终舍弃了那段不正常的恋情；Phil与Sarah分手后跟自己的太太Gwen来到初次约会的中国餐馆，却发现两人早已丢失了爱情，最终离婚；Gwen接到大学旧男友David的电话留言以为有机会开始新恋情而前往酒店订房，结果发现对方是同性恋而失意之下与酒店前台服务员发生了关系，而对方碰巧也叫做David；David的女友Rosie为了嫁给代理市长的儿子Jerry而抛弃了他，却无法否认真正的爱情而陷入心理斗争；Jerry在结婚的前一天接受了朋友为其安排的告别单身的召妓活动而见到了Lorna, 最终还是理智地选择了逃离；Lorna在报纸上看到Jerry的婚礼信息前往参礼，为Jerry的忠贞留下了感动的泪水，在婚礼上遇到了为新人拍照的Todd，故事就这样在带着有些诙谐的音乐中轻松结束。
本来以为Lorna与Todd会走在一起重新开始这个串字游戏演变为另外一种循环，可是导演并没有这样做而留给观众自己去想象，这样的结局也许是最完美的。只是我很喜欢这个笑起来像天使一般的女孩，她的职业似乎丝毫没有剥夺她对于人生的态度和善良的天性，如此地让人爱怜；而饰演Todd的Tom Everett Scott在剧中的造型看起来活生生是一个长相较为粗糙的Orlando Bloom, 同样的头发，身型，擦鼻子侧边的小动作，休闲而有点懒惰的着衣风格，总是微笑的绅士个性。这两个人物为这部有点伤感的男女关系电影带来了些许的阳光。虽然电影是以混乱的性关系作为主题，但是并没有刻意的情色镜头，总是浅浅带过而更着力描写人物的内心世界而显得更有深度。
在寂寞的边缘游走
28 March
自己看了一下自己的空间，发现都是些很低沉的文字为多。本来想写写些愉快的事情，但是去几个朋友的空间逛了一下，落地不同，环境不同，周围的人不同，但原来她们也跟我一样，经常莫名其妙的失落。
这就是所谓的城市白领症候群吗？有人说是因为大学毕业生对社会的憧憬与期望太高而形成的落差造成这种不健康的心理，可是我不是第一次踏出社会，我对它也没有过高的期望，相反总是觉得它比我见到的还要再现实与残酷，而实际并没有那么多；也有人说是因为工作压力太大，可是目前的我也并不觉得，老是觉得应该多给我点有意义的活干可以更忙点就更好了；也有人说是因为我们都太孤独了，但是这个世界上孤独的人有很多，而且很多人都是alone by choice，并非不能群居。
也许，是我们都太自私，太爱面子，又变得过度被动了吧。
这么多个世纪以来，交往从来没有变得如此的难。人与人之间都是擦肩而过，总是与不同人四眼相望，但谁也不愿意开第一句口，给个微笑或者打个招呼。即使开口了，对话也总是因为彼此过度的自我保护而变得难以继续。而且……
看到上边的话，你的第一个反应是，我不同意。我们总是不愿意听从别人的意见而一意孤行，哪怕知道自己也许是错的，毕竟那是自己的观点，誓死捍卫。
我们开始变得浮华而虚伪，喜欢消费，用物质去充填空虚，明明过的不是很开心却还是忍不住要对朋友和家人说谎，白色谎言，我们相信，总是善良的。
我们总是表面很坚强内心却异常地脆弱，还有自己的身体。
我们总是不满足于现状，希望未来可以更美好，即使知道现实并不会是这样却不会错过任何做梦的机会。
我们总是对别人要求太高，轻易因为某个人的一句话而变得情绪化而否决整个人，过后也总是因为如此而后悔或落下遗憾。
我们知道这些都非常不好，总是怀疑自己心态有问题心理有障碍，可是同时告诉自己，这是你的性格所致，改不了了。
越是繁华的城市边缘，就越是容易投下灯红酒绿的阴影。在寂寞的边缘游走的我们，lost in translation.
自己看了一下自己的空间，发现都是些很低沉的文字为多。本来想写写些愉快的事情，但是去几个朋友的空间逛了一下，落地不同，环境不同，周围的人不同，但原来她们也跟我一样，经常莫名其妙的失落。
这就是所谓的城市白领症候群吗？有人说是因为大学毕业生对社会的憧憬与期望太高而形成的落差造成这种不健康的心理，可是我不是第一次踏出社会，我对它也没有过高的期望，相反总是觉得它比我见到的还要再现实与残酷，而实际并没有那么多；也有人说是因为工作压力太大，可是目前的我也并不觉得，老是觉得应该多给我点有意义的活干可以更忙点就更好了；也有人说是因为我们都太孤独了，但是这个世界上孤独的人有很多，而且很多人都是alone by choice，并非不能群居。
也许，是我们都太自私，太爱面子，又变得过度被动了吧。
这么多个世纪以来，交往从来没有变得如此的难。人与人之间都是擦肩而过，总是与不同人四眼相望，但谁也不愿意开第一句口，给个微笑或者打个招呼。即使开口了，对话也总是因为彼此过度的自我保护而变得难以继续。而且……
看到上边的话，你的第一个反应是，我不同意。我们总是不愿意听从别人的意见而一意孤行，哪怕知道自己也许是错的，毕竟那是自己的观点，誓死捍卫。
我们开始变得浮华而虚伪，喜欢消费，用物质去充填空虚，明明过的不是很开心却还是忍不住要对朋友和家人说谎，白色谎言，我们相信，总是善良的。
我们总是表面很坚强内心却异常地脆弱，还有自己的身体。
我们总是不满足于现状，希望未来可以更美好，即使知道现实并不会是这样却不会错过任何做梦的机会。
我们总是对别人要求太高，轻易因为某个人的一句话而变得情绪化而否决整个人，过后也总是因为如此而后悔或落下遗憾。
我们知道这些都非常不好，总是怀疑自己心态有问题心理有障碍，可是同时告诉自己，这是你的性格所致，改不了了。
越是繁华的城市边缘，就越是容易投下灯红酒绿的阴影。在寂寞的边缘游走的我们，lost in translation.
Time to...Say goodbye...(Chi.&Eng.)
28 June
在一個燈紅酒綠，車水馬龍的國際都市，這是必須面對的現實。
不管幾天前是不是一起吃過晚飯聊過喜歡的電影和旅行，不管周末是不是還一起在Dancehall Happy Hour Shake your ass off，不管幾個小時之前是不是還如多年不見的老朋友擁抱過，不管前段日子是不是還一起在海灘弄溼過，不管是不是在郵輪在公車在不同的交通工具上用不同的語言一起旁若無人地笑過，不管是不是在flat裏打過牌玩過Wii煮過東西，不管是不是穿過馬路時偶然對望一個會意的微笑，不管是不是在Facebook,MSn，不同的網絡上浪費時閒做些有意義與無意義的事情......
不管什麽記憶，永久的短暫的，有一天當你起床看香港早晨，經過金鈡中環擠進地鐵到辦公室時，你看到墻上的日曆，知道今天，又將是有一個人需要say Goodbye，數不清第幾個，也許不願意去數。
這就是國際城市裏的故事。分別的時候，只是揮一揮手，打個招呼，send個短信，甚至什麽都沒有說，飛機票時刻一定，拖大包小包，走過香港國際機場的hall,看到有一個家庭在享受Buffett，很用心地笑一笑，聽到登機的廣播，頭也不回地走向Boarding。
未來，異地，不同人種, 不同故事，只是時間地點人物有著太多太多的不確定性，我們無法把握，不知道是否會進行得比原來好，但是我們必須前進。也許我們的軌道有重合的一天，也許即將如幾條平行綫向無窮盡延伸，我們都必須學會去接受。
我把這一切的一切叫做一年之癢。一年，在這個城市裏，是一個起點，是一個終點；痛倒未必，癢還是有的，只是當生活如表面這華麗的袍，爬滿了蝨子的時候，我不知道怎麽去抓，該從哪抓起，爲了顔面不願意脫下來去抓，於是，給自己一個響亮的巴掌轉移注意力。
打得很痛，眼淚都要掉出來了，但是還是要微笑。既然擺在面前的是改變不了的事實，那就不要讓自己遺憾。誰知道，什麽時候，哪一個人會在走向未來的時候，突然回頭？那一秒，將是永恒。
Farewell, all my dearest friends, 我會在每個我想象中遠去的背影，像Elizabeth Town的Kirsten Dunst一樣，用雙手擺出相機的姿勢，哢嚓一聲，留住最後的背影。
-dedicate to someone who leaves me today, who has never walked into my life.
In an international metropolis full of Debauchery and fast lanes, there’s some reality you have to face with.
You had different comments on your favorite movies and trips at the dinner table days ago; you had happy hours together at the dance floor shaking your ass off; you hugged like life friends who haven’t met for ages hours ago; you poured sea water to each others along the beach; you communicated in different kinds of languages with code-switching on the ferry on the bus and laughed out loud; you played UNO and Wii and cooked together in the flat; your eyes met unexpectedly and smiled while crossing the road; you spent time together on Facebook, MSN and other networks…
No matter what memories you have, long-term or short-term, one day when you wake up and watch Good Morning HK, pushing your way in and out of MTR to Admiralty or Central office, you see the calendar on the wall, and you realize that today another person is leaving. Cannot remember the number, or rather, too reluctant to.
This is the day-after-day story in an international metropolis. Farewell only means a wave of hand, a See-Ya, a SMS, or even nothing. When a flight arrives and time comes, you drag your luggage, going through the hall of HK international airport. In the corner of your eye you see a family enjoying buffet time.
You grin. Suddenly the boarding broadcasting wakes your ears. You go towards the departure door without turning around.
Future, locations, races, stories. Where, when, and who. There’re too many uncertainties about all above. We cannot handle, we have the faintest idea of whether it would be better than the past and now, but we have to move on. Perhaps our paths will cross some day, or they expand infinitely like parallels without a meeting point, we all have to, learn to accept it.
I call all of these THE ITCHING OF ONE YEAR. ONE YEAR, in this city, is a beginning and ending point. Like a mosquito’s bite, not seriously hurt, but itching and uncomfortable.
Life is a luxurious and delicate Chi-pao, with external grace however full of lice inside. I am wearing it. I feel extraordinarily itching. I don’t know how to scratch, from where to, and too embarrassed to strip. Therefore, I slap myself on the face like a bitch to distract the attention.
And it really hurts. My tears fill my eyes, yet I have to smile. Since in front of me lies the unchangeable reality, I shall not leave myself any more regrets. Who knows, that who, all of a sudden, will turn around and see my face while going towards his/her future? Then he/she can leave with satisfaction. That moment should be immortal in our memories.
Farewell, all my dearest friends. I will be a Kirsten Dunst in Elizabeth Town, holding an invisible camera in hands, KA-KA, saving the Kodak moment of your backs before fading away, just in my imagination.
My eyes moisted.
在一個燈紅酒綠，車水馬龍的國際都市，這是必須面對的現實。
不管幾天前是不是一起吃過晚飯聊過喜歡的電影和旅行，不管周末是不是還一起在Dancehall Happy Hour Shake your ass off，不管幾個小時之前是不是還如多年不見的老朋友擁抱過，不管前段日子是不是還一起在海灘弄溼過，不管是不是在郵輪在公車在不同的交通工具上用不同的語言一起旁若無人地笑過，不管是不是在flat裏打過牌玩過Wii煮過東西，不管是不是穿過馬路時偶然對望一個會意的微笑，不管是不是在Facebook,MSn，不同的網絡上浪費時閒做些有意義與無意義的事情......
不管什麽記憶，永久的短暫的，有一天當你起床看香港早晨，經過金鈡中環擠進地鐵到辦公室時，你看到墻上的日曆，知道今天，又將是有一個人需要say Goodbye，數不清第幾個，也許不願意去數。
這就是國際城市裏的故事。分別的時候，只是揮一揮手，打個招呼，send個短信，甚至什麽都沒有說，飛機票時刻一定，拖大包小包，走過香港國際機場的hall,看到有一個家庭在享受Buffett，很用心地笑一笑，聽到登機的廣播，頭也不回地走向Boarding。
未來，異地，不同人種, 不同故事，只是時間地點人物有著太多太多的不確定性，我們無法把握，不知道是否會進行得比原來好，但是我們必須前進。也許我們的軌道有重合的一天，也許即將如幾條平行綫向無窮盡延伸，我們都必須學會去接受。
我把這一切的一切叫做一年之癢。一年，在這個城市裏，是一個起點，是一個終點；痛倒未必，癢還是有的，只是當生活如表面這華麗的袍，爬滿了蝨子的時候，我不知道怎麽去抓，該從哪抓起，爲了顔面不願意脫下來去抓，於是，給自己一個響亮的巴掌轉移注意力。
打得很痛，眼淚都要掉出來了，但是還是要微笑。既然擺在面前的是改變不了的事實，那就不要讓自己遺憾。誰知道，什麽時候，哪一個人會在走向未來的時候，突然回頭？那一秒，將是永恒。
Farewell, all my dearest friends, 我會在每個我想象中遠去的背影，像Elizabeth Town的Kirsten Dunst一樣，用雙手擺出相機的姿勢，哢嚓一聲，留住最後的背影。
-dedicate to someone who leaves me today, who has never walked into my life.
In an international metropolis full of Debauchery and fast lanes, there’s some reality you have to face with.
You had different comments on your favorite movies and trips at the dinner table days ago; you had happy hours together at the dance floor shaking your ass off; you hugged like life friends who haven’t met for ages hours ago; you poured sea water to each others along the beach; you communicated in different kinds of languages with code-switching on the ferry on the bus and laughed out loud; you played UNO and Wii and cooked together in the flat; your eyes met unexpectedly and smiled while crossing the road; you spent time together on Facebook, MSN and other networks…
No matter what memories you have, long-term or short-term, one day when you wake up and watch Good Morning HK, pushing your way in and out of MTR to Admiralty or Central office, you see the calendar on the wall, and you realize that today another person is leaving. Cannot remember the number, or rather, too reluctant to.
This is the day-after-day story in an international metropolis. Farewell only means a wave of hand, a See-Ya, a SMS, or even nothing. When a flight arrives and time comes, you drag your luggage, going through the hall of HK international airport. In the corner of your eye you see a family enjoying buffet time.
You grin. Suddenly the boarding broadcasting wakes your ears. You go towards the departure door without turning around.
Future, locations, races, stories. Where, when, and who. There’re too many uncertainties about all above. We cannot handle, we have the faintest idea of whether it would be better than the past and now, but we have to move on. Perhaps our paths will cross some day, or they expand infinitely like parallels without a meeting point, we all have to, learn to accept it.
I call all of these THE ITCHING OF ONE YEAR. ONE YEAR, in this city, is a beginning and ending point. Like a mosquito’s bite, not seriously hurt, but itching and uncomfortable.
Life is a luxurious and delicate Chi-pao, with external grace however full of lice inside. I am wearing it. I feel extraordinarily itching. I don’t know how to scratch, from where to, and too embarrassed to strip. Therefore, I slap myself on the face like a bitch to distract the attention.
And it really hurts. My tears fill my eyes, yet I have to smile. Since in front of me lies the unchangeable reality, I shall not leave myself any more regrets. Who knows, that who, all of a sudden, will turn around and see my face while going towards his/her future? Then he/she can leave with satisfaction. That moment should be immortal in our memories.
Farewell, all my dearest friends. I will be a Kirsten Dunst in Elizabeth Town, holding an invisible camera in hands, KA-KA, saving the Kodak moment of your backs before fading away, just in my imagination.
My eyes moisted.
To all my friends born in 1980s...(Eng.&Chi.)
13 June
-Gloria
Again, for no reason, I sense the fragile of life.
I was desperate to tidy up my emotions trying not to be effected by the cloudy weather, however pitifully things always head for the opposite direction.
Yesterday I received 4 friends’ E-mails, almost at the same time, coincidentally telling me they were feeling old. They are all of my same age. I knew that feeling long ago.I resented my sensibility-so sensitive that I always feel something negative ahead of anyone else and hurt myself. As I cleared my wound and was about to recover, others began to feel it as well. I was infected and hurt again, this time the wound gets deeper.
For such a long time I have experienced this endless echoed sorrow. It turns out to be a mission impossible for me to get rid of my sensibility.
Today while on the MTR, I saw some instant news headlines on the screen. It reads xxx people were killed in the flood today, xxx people were dead in the earthquake today; in the office I was shocked by E-mails that J. Huang was badly injured in a recent traffic accident. I called her and fortunately she is safe now; Panda also told me his mother was fighting with leukemia. All of a sudden, I noticed the world is getting bigger and bigger, so infinite that those who we used to be quite familiar with, become so remote and distant.
Or, never had the world ever changed but our hearts? I don’t remember from when our hearts become smaller and smaller and we only try to live our own lives without knowing what is happening excluding ourselves?
Being born, getting old, going ill, and die. It is the unbreakable rule of nature. However, between those phrases are three complicated and comprehensive processes which cannot be expressed by any vocabulary. How many sunshine and storms do we have to pass through, how many tears and laughters we have to bring with, in order to be able to smile-at the very end of our life, in such a flash when the Death cuts off the connection between our soul and our body-to smile peacefully, and farewell to all the views we have been watching, all the sound we have been listening to in our entire life?
Nobody can end with a complete life, and that makes human. Because there’re two things immortal in it: one is regret, regretting for what we have done, regretting for what we have not done; one is doubt, doubting others, doubting ourselves.
Two simple but memorable quotes from “Lucky Number Slevin”:-
“Yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late. ”
"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."
For the very first time, I appreciate my sensibility.
We should be happy, my friends born in 1980s. In all three processes of life, we are now only walking at the first half of first journey. However we should be aware of. If you endeavor to push yourself to the end of it, very soon, you will finish such a valuable period.
We should feel lucky, my friends born in 1980s. We still have so much time to annoy ourselves. Quite a few people don’t even have the chance to think about it and reach the end of the third journey. Their life is not in their hands. In a blink of an eye, their candle light turns dark, even it is still heated.
We should be thankful, my friends born in 1980s. No matter what, we were born, getting old, going ill and die. We still regret and doubt. But now, we are at the first half of the first journey, the very beginning of the first half.
All I can do is to pray. All I can do is to live my life with my heart and soul. I am no exception a member of this Human Life Association, with regret and doubt.
So are you, my friends born in the 1980s. Let me see your dancing smile, despite around your eyes you see tiny wrinkles. That is the gift of life.
再一次莫名其妙地感覺到生命的單薄。
我好不容易打算收拾心情不讓如此陰霾的天氣感染，可惜總是人與願違。
昨天上班的時候同時收到4個朋友的E-mail, 不約而同地說他們老了。他們都跟我差不多年齡。再一次打心裏厭惡自己的敏感，總是在別人有意識之前感覺到一些事情然後自己受傷，結果在我清理傷口準備痊愈的時候，其他人也開始感受到了，於是我又被傳染，而這次傷口就裂得更大。
一直以來我就這樣體驗着不斷重復的傷感，讓我不繼續敏感下去，簡直是不可能的任務。
今天在地鐵的滾動屏幕上看到哪裏水災死了多少多少人，哪裏地震死了多少多少人；在辦公室收到郵件得知HJ車禍受了重傷，著實讓我嚇了一跳,跟她通了電話，盆骨骨折，還好不會有什麽後遺症；Panda師兄告訴我他的媽媽也在很堅強地與病魔鬥爭。我突然閒發覺這個世界變大了，大到連我們曾經熟悉的人，都如此遙遠而陌生。
抑或是，這個世界從來沒有改變過，而變的，都是人的心？什麽時候起我們的心變小了，小到我們每個人只在努力地過自己的生活而對自己除外的世界不聞不曉？
生老病死，原來就是不能逆轉的自然規律。而在這四個字眼中間，是三段無法用任何詞藻來形容的曲折過程。我們可以經歷多少風花雪月，應該經歷多少悲歡離合，喜怒哀樂，才足夠在最後一個字眼那最後一筆“撇“--這死神的斷魂刀在割斷靈魂與肉體聯係的瞬間，安然一笑，作別于周遭的風景和聲音？
沒有人可以做到無憾，所以才有了人生。因爲人性裏不可磨滅的，一是後悔，後悔我們做過的，後悔我們沒有做過的；一是懷疑，懷疑別人，然後懷疑自己。
在電影Lucky Number Slevin裏有兩句很樸實但很經典的對話：
Yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late.
(昨天你過得比今天好，但是今天才會知道。但是今天已經來臨了，太遲了。)
"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."
（第一次有人說你是馬，你會一拳打扁他鼻子；第二次有人說你是馬，你會說他是變態；第三次有人說你是嗎，也許你該去買付馬鞍了。）
第一次，我如此感激我的敏感。
我們應該感到幸福。在這三段過程中，我們只是在第一段的前半段行走。然而我們都要警覺。如果你拼命要把自己往第一段的終點推，很快你就會越過這如此寶貴的人生第一段過程。
我們應該慶幸。我們還有如此多的時間，可以用來煩惱自己，多少人連想都沒有想，就到達了第三段的終點，不由他們自己決定，一瞬間，滅了燭光，連燭淚還沒有冷卻。
我們應該感恩。不管如何，我們還是會生老病死，我們還是會後悔，會懷疑，而現在，我們在第一階段的前半段，小前半段。
我只能祈禱，我只能用心生活，我也是這個有憾人生的一員。
所以，朋友，你們也是。讓我看見你們的笑臉，即使你的眼角剛剛起了細紋，那是生命的饋贈。
-Gloria
Again, for no reason, I sense the fragile of life.
I was desperate to tidy up my emotions trying not to be effected by the cloudy weather, however pitifully things always head for the opposite direction.
Yesterday I received 4 friends’ E-mails, almost at the same time, coincidentally telling me they were feeling old. They are all of my same age. I knew that feeling long ago.I resented my sensibility-so sensitive that I always feel something negative ahead of anyone else and hurt myself. As I cleared my wound and was about to recover, others began to feel it as well. I was infected and hurt again, this time the wound gets deeper.
For such a long time I have experienced this endless echoed sorrow. It turns out to be a mission impossible for me to get rid of my sensibility.
Today while on the MTR, I saw some instant news headlines on the screen. It reads xxx people were killed in the flood today, xxx people were dead in the earthquake today; in the office I was shocked by E-mails that J. Huang was badly injured in a recent traffic accident. I called her and fortunately she is safe now; Panda also told me his mother was fighting with leukemia. All of a sudden, I noticed the world is getting bigger and bigger, so infinite that those who we used to be quite familiar with, become so remote and distant.
Or, never had the world ever changed but our hearts? I don’t remember from when our hearts become smaller and smaller and we only try to live our own lives without knowing what is happening excluding ourselves?
Being born, getting old, going ill, and die. It is the unbreakable rule of nature. However, between those phrases are three complicated and comprehensive processes which cannot be expressed by any vocabulary. How many sunshine and storms do we have to pass through, how many tears and laughters we have to bring with, in order to be able to smile-at the very end of our life, in such a flash when the Death cuts off the connection between our soul and our body-to smile peacefully, and farewell to all the views we have been watching, all the sound we have been listening to in our entire life?
Nobody can end with a complete life, and that makes human. Because there’re two things immortal in it: one is regret, regretting for what we have done, regretting for what we have not done; one is doubt, doubting others, doubting ourselves.
Two simple but memorable quotes from “Lucky Number Slevin”:-
“Yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late. ”
"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."
For the very first time, I appreciate my sensibility.
We should be happy, my friends born in 1980s. In all three processes of life, we are now only walking at the first half of first journey. However we should be aware of. If you endeavor to push yourself to the end of it, very soon, you will finish such a valuable period.
We should feel lucky, my friends born in 1980s. We still have so much time to annoy ourselves. Quite a few people don’t even have the chance to think about it and reach the end of the third journey. Their life is not in their hands. In a blink of an eye, their candle light turns dark, even it is still heated.
We should be thankful, my friends born in 1980s. No matter what, we were born, getting old, going ill and die. We still regret and doubt. But now, we are at the first half of the first journey, the very beginning of the first half.
All I can do is to pray. All I can do is to live my life with my heart and soul. I am no exception a member of this Human Life Association, with regret and doubt.
So are you, my friends born in the 1980s. Let me see your dancing smile, despite around your eyes you see tiny wrinkles. That is the gift of life.
再一次莫名其妙地感覺到生命的單薄。
我好不容易打算收拾心情不讓如此陰霾的天氣感染，可惜總是人與願違。
昨天上班的時候同時收到4個朋友的E-mail, 不約而同地說他們老了。他們都跟我差不多年齡。再一次打心裏厭惡自己的敏感，總是在別人有意識之前感覺到一些事情然後自己受傷，結果在我清理傷口準備痊愈的時候，其他人也開始感受到了，於是我又被傳染，而這次傷口就裂得更大。
一直以來我就這樣體驗着不斷重復的傷感，讓我不繼續敏感下去，簡直是不可能的任務。
今天在地鐵的滾動屏幕上看到哪裏水災死了多少多少人，哪裏地震死了多少多少人；在辦公室收到郵件得知HJ車禍受了重傷，著實讓我嚇了一跳,跟她通了電話，盆骨骨折，還好不會有什麽後遺症；Panda師兄告訴我他的媽媽也在很堅強地與病魔鬥爭。我突然閒發覺這個世界變大了，大到連我們曾經熟悉的人，都如此遙遠而陌生。
抑或是，這個世界從來沒有改變過，而變的，都是人的心？什麽時候起我們的心變小了，小到我們每個人只在努力地過自己的生活而對自己除外的世界不聞不曉？
生老病死，原來就是不能逆轉的自然規律。而在這四個字眼中間，是三段無法用任何詞藻來形容的曲折過程。我們可以經歷多少風花雪月，應該經歷多少悲歡離合，喜怒哀樂，才足夠在最後一個字眼那最後一筆“撇“--這死神的斷魂刀在割斷靈魂與肉體聯係的瞬間，安然一笑，作別于周遭的風景和聲音？
沒有人可以做到無憾，所以才有了人生。因爲人性裏不可磨滅的，一是後悔，後悔我們做過的，後悔我們沒有做過的；一是懷疑，懷疑別人，然後懷疑自己。
在電影Lucky Number Slevin裏有兩句很樸實但很經典的對話：
Yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late.
(昨天你過得比今天好，但是今天才會知道。但是今天已經來臨了，太遲了。)
"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."
（第一次有人說你是馬，你會一拳打扁他鼻子；第二次有人說你是馬，你會說他是變態；第三次有人說你是嗎，也許你該去買付馬鞍了。）
第一次，我如此感激我的敏感。
我們應該感到幸福。在這三段過程中，我們只是在第一段的前半段行走。然而我們都要警覺。如果你拼命要把自己往第一段的終點推，很快你就會越過這如此寶貴的人生第一段過程。
我們應該慶幸。我們還有如此多的時間，可以用來煩惱自己，多少人連想都沒有想，就到達了第三段的終點，不由他們自己決定，一瞬間，滅了燭光，連燭淚還沒有冷卻。
我們應該感恩。不管如何，我們還是會生老病死，我們還是會後悔，會懷疑，而現在，我們在第一階段的前半段，小前半段。
我只能祈禱，我只能用心生活，我也是這個有憾人生的一員。
所以，朋友，你們也是。讓我看見你們的笑臉，即使你的眼角剛剛起了細紋，那是生命的饋贈。
Something
May 07
That's something I have never experienced before. I guess I am fallen and drawn by my own secret, inside my chest.
Shall I open it up? What if it turns out to be a disapointment? Will I hide or continue to head for something new?
It burns my eyes and my mind.
That's something I have never experienced before. I guess I am fallen and drawn by my own secret, inside my chest.
Shall I open it up? What if it turns out to be a disapointment? Will I hide or continue to head for something new?
It burns my eyes and my mind.
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