To all my friends born in 1980s...(Eng.&Chi.)

13 June

-Gloria

Again, for no reason, I sense the fragile of life.

I was desperate to tidy up my emotions trying not to be effected by the cloudy weather, however pitifully things always head for the opposite direction.

Yesterday I received 4 friends’ E-mails, almost at the same time, coincidentally telling me they were feeling old. They are all of my same age. I knew that feeling long ago.I resented my sensibility-so sensitive that I always feel something negative ahead of anyone else and hurt myself. As I cleared my wound and was about to recover, others began to feel it as well. I was infected and hurt again, this time the wound gets deeper.

For such a long time I have experienced this endless echoed sorrow. It turns out to be a mission impossible for me to get rid of my sensibility.

Today while on the MTR, I saw some instant news headlines on the screen. It reads xxx people were killed in the flood today, xxx people were dead in the earthquake today; in the office I was shocked by E-mails that J. Huang was badly injured in a recent traffic accident. I called her and fortunately she is safe now; Panda also told me his mother was fighting with leukemia. All of a sudden, I noticed the world is getting bigger and bigger, so infinite that those who we used to be quite familiar with, become so remote and distant.

Or, never had the world ever changed but our hearts? I don’t remember from when our hearts become smaller and smaller and we only try to live our own lives without knowing what is happening excluding ourselves?

Being born, getting old, going ill, and die. It is the unbreakable rule of nature. However, between those phrases are three complicated and comprehensive processes which cannot be expressed by any vocabulary. How many sunshine and storms do we have to pass through, how many tears and laughters we have to bring with, in order to be able to smile-at the very end of our life, in such a flash when the Death cuts off the connection between our soul and our body-to smile peacefully, and farewell to all the views we have been watching, all the sound we have been listening to in our entire life?

Nobody can end with a complete life, and that makes human. Because there’re two things immortal in it: one is regret, regretting for what we have done, regretting for what we have not done; one is doubt, doubting others, doubting ourselves.

Two simple but memorable quotes from “Lucky Number Slevin”:-

“Yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late. ”

"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."

For the very first time, I appreciate my sensibility.
We should be happy, my friends born in 1980s. In all three processes of life, we are now only walking at the first half of first journey. However we should be aware of. If you endeavor to push yourself to the end of it, very soon, you will finish such a valuable period.

We should feel lucky, my friends born in 1980s. We still have so much time to annoy ourselves. Quite a few people don’t even have the chance to think about it and reach the end of the third journey. Their life is not in their hands. In a blink of an eye, their candle light turns dark, even it is still heated.

We should be thankful, my friends born in 1980s. No matter what, we were born, getting old, going ill and die. We still regret and doubt. But now, we are at the first half of the first journey, the very beginning of the first half.

All I can do is to pray. All I can do is to live my life with my heart and soul. I am no exception a member of this Human Life Association, with regret and doubt.

So are you, my friends born in the 1980s. Let me see your dancing smile, despite around your eyes you see tiny wrinkles. That is the gift of life.


再一次莫名其妙地感覺到生命的單薄。
我好不容易打算收拾心情不讓如此陰霾的天氣感染，可惜總是人與願違。
昨天上班的時候同時收到4個朋友的E-mail, 不約而同地說他們老了。他們都跟我差不多年齡。再一次打心裏厭惡自己的敏感，總是在別人有意識之前感覺到一些事情然後自己受傷，結果在我清理傷口準備痊愈的時候，其他人也開始感受到了，於是我又被傳染，而這次傷口就裂得更大。

一直以來我就這樣體驗着不斷重復的傷感，讓我不繼續敏感下去，簡直是不可能的任務。

今天在地鐵的滾動屏幕上看到哪裏水災死了多少多少人，哪裏地震死了多少多少人；在辦公室收到郵件得知HJ車禍受了重傷，著實讓我嚇了一跳,跟她通了電話，盆骨骨折，還好不會有什麽後遺症；Panda師兄告訴我他的媽媽也在很堅強地與病魔鬥爭。我突然閒發覺這個世界變大了，大到連我們曾經熟悉的人，都如此遙遠而陌生。

抑或是，這個世界從來沒有改變過，而變的，都是人的心？什麽時候起我們的心變小了，小到我們每個人只在努力地過自己的生活而對自己除外的世界不聞不曉？

生老病死，原來就是不能逆轉的自然規律。而在這四個字眼中間，是三段無法用任何詞藻來形容的曲折過程。我們可以經歷多少風花雪月，應該經歷多少悲歡離合，喜怒哀樂，才足夠在最後一個字眼那最後一筆“撇“--這死神的斷魂刀在割斷靈魂與肉體聯係的瞬間，安然一笑，作別于周遭的風景和聲音？

沒有人可以做到無憾，所以才有了人生。因爲人性裏不可磨滅的，一是後悔，後悔我們做過的，後悔我們沒有做過的；一是懷疑，懷疑別人，然後懷疑自己。

在電影Lucky Number Slevin裏有兩句很樸實但很經典的對話：

Yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late.
(昨天你過得比今天好，但是今天才會知道。但是今天已經來臨了，太遲了。)

"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."
（第一次有人說你是馬，你會一拳打扁他鼻子；第二次有人說你是馬，你會說他是變態；第三次有人說你是嗎，也許你該去買付馬鞍了。）
第一次，我如此感激我的敏感。
我們應該感到幸福。在這三段過程中，我們只是在第一段的前半段行走。然而我們都要警覺。如果你拼命要把自己往第一段的終點推，很快你就會越過這如此寶貴的人生第一段過程。
我們應該慶幸。我們還有如此多的時間，可以用來煩惱自己，多少人連想都沒有想，就到達了第三段的終點，不由他們自己決定，一瞬間，滅了燭光，連燭淚還沒有冷卻。
我們應該感恩。不管如何，我們還是會生老病死，我們還是會後悔，會懷疑，而現在，我們在第一階段的前半段，小前半段。
我只能祈禱，我只能用心生活，我也是這個有憾人生的一員。
所以，朋友，你們也是。讓我看見你們的笑臉，即使你的眼角剛剛起了細紋，那是生命的饋贈。