The Libran Girl

When she decided to speak to you in person about the true feeling after all those mild implications, she has gone through unimaginable and numberless struggles in heart, which might have lasted several months, or even several years.

When she became silent, tender but smile only to you, she indicated she knew it all and would be willing to accept the inconvenient truth. She is so sensitive that she knew all the gimmicks and tricks or rather, “techniques”.

She would comb her forehead hair with her fingers randomly, symbolically trying to comb away all the gloom, although she knew clearly by herself, that she had never been that relaxed and cool as the gesture seemed.

She would go out as usual with a fine look, stay at home alone lazily, smile and laugh naturally, flirt with her social ability, while couldn’t control moisten her quilt last night in the dark bedroom and fell asleep.

You tramped and polluted her most sainted self-esteem. Your path would nv get crossed with her, since now on, it is built with a concrete wall.

To you, she would nv look back either. Even in future she bumped into the dead end and by that moment she is dispirited and helpless, she would rather make an end on her own instead of accepting your kind offer and help; and if it is you who would be dispirited and helpless, she would be silent, tender and only with a smile to you only.

She wanna go to a place she has nv been and get away from the current world. Always. Now.

The Lost-and-Found Ring

I finished moving all my stuff to the new apartment, lied down on the sofa and took a deep breath. Finally done! But this relaxation has not lasted long. I found a white round mark on my forefinger.
I screamed.
WHERE is my ring???

I suddenly went white-knuckled. I started to search in panic although I knew the chance was very slim. I saw it there yesterday, but had no idea when and how I lost it today. I had never taken it off since day one. Six, no, Eight years! Can you believe it has been with me 8 years? How many 8 years do I have?

After 1 hour I was totally in despair. The only thing on my mind was to call my mom even I knew it is useless for the result. I just needed to call her. Now.

“Mom~~~” I mourned.
She asked me what went wrong.
“I-Lost-My-Ring~~~” I said with a dragged and sobbing voice.
“Then just go and look for it. If cannot find it, then just forget it. Buy a new one, you can afford it.”
Of course, I knew that as well. But I just felt wronged and burst into tears. Oh me stupid, I am not 5 yrs old anymore.
“But it is not the one! I have been wearing it for 8 years! 8 years! No~~” I started rolling on my bed like being on stroke. It felt like something or someone who has been always with you yet it is gone. Gone.
Mom giggled.
“LOL, how old do you think you are? Ridiculous! Well, it is jewelry and it is likely to be missing. Even it has been with you more decades it can still be. ”

I was still sobbing knowing that no pouring water could be held back.

It was some moment’s silence over the phone and I heard my mom said:

“8 years is not a long time. You know sometimes I feel like losing you that you are working afar. I have been with you 20 years. I cannot imagine one day you behave like a typical “international lady” and I will lose you. Sometimes I worry and cry. It is me who should cry.”

And in the blink of an eye I felt a strong strike punched into my ear drums and rushed directly into my throat. It shut down all my lachrymal glands.

We were just being silent over the phone for 5 seconds till I heard her chuckled.

“Ok, hang up the phone, go and look for it again.”
“Hmm.” I said.
“If you cannot find it, go to sleep in your new apartment.”
“Hmm.” I hang the phone.

I sat up on my bed for a while and with my eye balls still. I just couldn’t believe what Mom said just now. I cannot say it was really irrelevant, but that metaphor sounds painful, how long has she held that feeling for?

What I couldn’t believe either, was I saw a piece of shinning metal lying quietly at the corner of the window bay. I picked it up and wore it back to my finer. It does not matter why and how it went there, it does matter I found it after such a twist, and finally I went to my new apartment with a sound sleep.

Mom gave it to me eight years ago when I stayed home the last year, then I left home for university, and for work till now. It has been with me.

I used to doubt the magic of that little ring thingy, and I am totally convinced. Unconsciously, the ring has you. It is a symbol of promise, to promise you lock yourself with someone important in life and be with him/her. I have been with it, am still with it, since the day I was away and made her feel lost, for 8 years, and longer.

Withered Flowers

All the flowers have already withered, wrinkled, or fallen. Water inside the vase slightly diffused a smell of decay for the third time.

I clearly know no matter what, I have to dump them this time. The humid season of spring grows gloom and decay everywhere. It is absolutely not easy for them to survive till now; even I tried hard to take care of them by all means.

That single rose bloomed elegantly for the first few days, the perfect pink color, passionate layers, have been undulating my heart; now she yields, her face looks yellow and wrinkled.

All of a sudden it reminded me lots of old wrinkled faces I see on the bus to work every day, and those unpleasant smells on them-smell of medicinal oil, fish and raw meat, old clothes, and some I have no idea what they are, and I don’t wish to know.

Even I was always standing there stuffing my iPod earphones with Rock or Pop, watching the scenes out of the bus window; I couldn’t resist the unhidden gloom flooding inside. I smelled the decay after their spring, and it is absolutely NOT the fragrance of summer blooms.

Like all these withered flowers.

Everyone has or had youth, is or was blooming, and everyone eventually cannot endure the brushing of time, we wrinkle, wither, and fall.

Why we need to be optimistic? Because in real world, life can only go lower and lower with time, we need the spirit to support our yielding heads and wrinkled skin.

We can limitedly expand our life, yet not change the destiny of ending. Quoted from Steve Jobs which I love, “ And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.”

There will be a day, I am also the one who with the smell of decay, rotten in the rubbish bin and totally unrecyclable.

Then bloom, bloom as perfect as we can be, just bloom. Don’t over think, none will really ignore your smell of decay in the rubbish bin and only remember your fragrance in the past.

None but yourself.

No time, nowhere but now and here.

Gua said, the one who stays with you, is the one who’s gonna eat dust of life with you. I cannot agree more. But only where you are willing to yield your arrogant head, and not fancy the single beauty of not eating dust of life anymore, capitulate to time, and surrender to the love that looks up to you, when the day, you yield and you two look at each other in a parallel line.