Never Happen, again

7^th Aug. I received an Email from a frd:

12:34:56, 07/08/09-this amazing second today, will never happen in your life again!

At a glance, indeed amazing. I forwarded to my colleagues and one sitting afar opposite to me, slowly uttered some words in a lazy tune:

“Actually every second in your life, will never happen in your life again~~~”

Totally provoking. Amazingly true.

Perhaps we indeed pay over-attention to those “special moments”, and ignored those which seemed valueless while would never ever come back again.

As long as in that second, you feel affable, peaceful, and secured, it is a second of happiness.

I went to farewell the friend, Mark, who sent me that Email in the evening. He is going back to China for work the next morning after 3 years in HK. A lot of faces I haven’t seen for long, some more new faces I have never seen before, flocked together because of this farewell. Due to the strain of time, I had a hurry drink to the bottom, gave Mark a hug and then left. I haven’t come to this area for long, though it hasn’t been changed that much, almost the first time, with hurried steps and I realized I gradually lost the sense of belonging, what I have assembled during my stay for the first two years in HK.

3 years within a month in HK. It seems long enough for more gatherings but farewells become the main subject while gatherings were little and thin for all kinds of excuses, reasons and issues.

Like these seconds which never stops flowing away and would never come back.

I handed in all applications and documents for my work visa extension the next morning. Another year in HK, with tremendous changes embedded in nervousness yet adventure.

I went to farewell another friend, an old schoolmate of mine on Sunday evening. Eating home-made style Chi. Food, while talking common old schoolmates, high-school entry exam, current status and futures which seem to be fixed with the main directions for each others, I couldn’t resist the helplessness coming out of nowhere in my mind. As it seems, whether being satisfied with your current life or not, the future is there, with a sigh for some feelings you cannot hide, escape or ignore. The only thing I can guarantee-so far, I still walk with danceable and fast steps.

In my younger time, I thought I was not happy enough and always wanted more. Now I know that I am with my happiness and just cannot stop my nervous fear for the future. It is all because of my insecurities-fear not being able to have fun if being too cautious, or not being able to maintain if being too relaxed.

Then I realized I feel happier and worried-free when once in a while, I go out of my mind and utter some childlike directness of speech.

“Gloria you need to grow up…” My boss said to me in a semi-joking semi-serious tune while I did that in the office one day-luckily not for work.

If, my little innocence and childishness remain in me will soon flow away like that 123456789 moment and never come back, please allow me to keep these silly seconds once in a while, or the moment when I felt happier receiving a Hello Kitty than a bouquet.

I might soon, pathetically, only long for the diamond.

-xG.