If life can go backwards...

G.J. wrote on my fb’ wall, “actually 2008 was a definitive year for me. Needed all the growth to be a better person... and GROWTH hurts...”

I wrote back. ” I know, but life is no moving backwards. My 2008 was def. not easy for me as well...but you can also say, it hurts but we are growing, BE POSITIVE and what goes around comes around, dear. “

I said so, for some days ago when I greeted Polly “Happy 2009” I missed a “0”, I joked that in my subconscious I still wish I would grow younger.

She teased me, “Come on, life is no moving backwards but forwards....”

Even in the eye of me a non-absolutismnist, the hypothesis of “go backwards” is pale. At most, a beautiful fairy tale.

However…

Not until I watched the movie “The curious case of Benjamin Button”. It happened to be a man’s life going backwards, from moribund, to mid-aged, to teen, to infant, and dead.

He met his beloved girl when he was old, and bumped together with passionate spark like a dicephalous fuse in their middle, eventually died in swaddling in his lover’s arms, an old lady who re-married and raised their daughter.

His mother died for dystocia and his father disserted him; he watched his foster mother, friends, families dying; he left his own daughter and partner when she was little till she was older than him and couldn’t tidy up his life time memories with acnes on his face.

A life with fairy tale, and full scars of sorrow.

After all, the fairy tale can only exist in beautiful imagination; it burst like a bubble when exposed in the air.

The truth is, even life can go backwards, the livelihood, experience and thoughts cannot. Only in finite time and space, what we lost and what we cannot gain are the most precious. It has been repeated and been verified over thousands of years yet we still doubt from time to time due to our greed, for those we cannot get, those we cannot realize.

Such as, immortal youth, never-departed partners, families and friends.

“Why Edward refused to bite Bella and turned her into a vampire, then they could be live happily together ever after…” F. asked me when she was still dwelled in the movie “Twilight” in Dec.

“Maybe he just felt tired of the pain his immortal life brought him and didn’t wanna pass it to his partner; maybe he does not believe immortal love would exist either, because only finite love has real value and scarce meaning. “

“Or maybe it is the best way to earn more money selling a trilogy fictions and movies” I made her laughter.

Or maybe, in my own subconscious, I still wish that life can go backwards, to prevent the disturbance that the “tip-tock” has been bringing, and pretend to know nothing about the bellicosity of reality when it approaches me.

And eventually, die with an innocent mind in my swaddling.