An One-year Anniversary

-Time between two Min’s Bday Parties

“The angel in the night
Turned into a demon in dawn
I could hardly touch my happiness”

-Satum Monologue, Law Pun

Commemoration of Shining

Another 3am, I walked leisurely in the familiar Queensway Road, with remain silver eye shadow, golden sparkling powder, shining tiara, and in pure white. I was stepping on the footprints one year ago, wondering how much dust under my feet still stayed in the same place, dancing with my steps after 365days?

“Hey how was the night?”A tall stranger asked me while coming towards me in an opposite direction.
“Great, you? ”
“Heading for fun, you are shining!”
“Thx, hv a fab night! See ya!”

Someone saw me in the dark. I was shining, or, I have been shining?

Today one year ago, I fell into this brand new world unconsciously. I have been thinking, how can I light this dark path at night and find my traveling partners? And today I know, all I can light, is the space of 1 sf. around me, and let them find me instead.

I don’t need to follow my way, my way will follow me. Therefore, I can move on following the direction in my heart without turning back, not worrying anything about the signs.

One year, I accomplished the practice that I could find my way home even I walked alone with my eyes shut in the dark night.


Commemoration of non-repentant original status

Home.
The space where I could completely take off the precious shell after a whole night’s hot dance. Turned on the A/C, feeling like peeling off the sticky skin and soaking myself in a cranberry juice on the rock, where I dyed my sweat red, and also my slightly-drunken face for one-year’s memories.

Those faces which changed from strange to familiar in one year’s time, from smiling, greeting and shaking hands to hugging and bosco, from single to in a relationship, from relationship to engaged and married, or vice versa; however some faces, slipped from the bottom of my eyes to the bottom of my heart, even not facing each others, I couldn’t ignore their existence, and from familiar to strange.
After a whole year’s turmoil, I am still keeping my original status.
Have I kept my time, or has my time locked me, or have I trapped myself?
Just like tonight, even I disguised to be an angel, I have thrown away my wings.

Commemoration of Wings

I always thought if I threw away my wings, I wouldn’t dream about heaven anymore and could walk step by step on earth. Therefore I abandoned transportation tools most of the time, and accomplished amazing walking speed, unyielding willpower and disobedient strongness.
I thought the myth reached the end, however, I underestimated the power of anti-gravity.

Tonight it made me off the ground within a second and flew in the air. It was so powerful that I couldn’t even restrain. And then I was panic. I would have cried but I laughed, I would have frozen that moment but I pushed it away instead. I did understand that my body was trying to protect me with condition reaction when I was head over heel, however in vain-my heart grew a pair of wings at that moment and refused to fall. After decades of seconds, my body sank.
“Even sinking, you have to sink in perfect grace.” It is just what I was tonight, with fab make-up but an old-fashioned mood haunted for a whole year.
After all I refused all the whispers and temptations, keeping the demon in the cage inside.
Or, never had I ever had the demon? It is said that angel and demon are existed in pair, and I have already lost my wings.
In return I gained an aftertaste of faith, to believe that I can still be off the ground without wings, even in a blink of an eye, is long enough to break the axiom and create a miracle.
We all need more faith, to believe that the future is better, to believe that we have never been lonely, to believe all we have ever doubted, just for keeping facing each others and exchange an understanding smile, for the comfort brought by the hug, for discontinuous whispers, for short SMS, even residual memento in hearts.
Believe that the distance is kept from hurting for they all still like or love me, believe that the positions we keep in the bottom for each others, believe that I am still young, talented, beautiful, kind, still have dreams and ambition and a soul for love, which can at least be kept for one more year, two one-years, and lots of lots of one-years.

Commemoration of One Year

I did gain a lot and lose a lot in this one-year, some I thought I have gained but lost in the end, some I have lost but finally came back to me, some I thought I would gain but never came, and some I thought I would lose but never left. In the complicated and confusing puzzle I couldn’t calculate the total is positive or negative with all the minus and plus. But some creeds stand stably, like the sexy pole dancers tonight, no matter how they turned around, climbed up and fell down, with music, applause, flashing lights, whistlings, flowers, after the show, only and always stands the pole, which dominates the next show and the best seats for it.

“Is all that I care
a whole piece of body
or a soul
which I could never seize?”
-Fall, Law Pun

-xG. 4:18am, 28 July 08