When you stay too long in a convenient, crowded and developed city, usually it comes two results. One is you endeavor to settle down, fear that you would fall into your panic and jolt in the past; the other is you endeavor to leave, thinking that there should be better places out there, a lot of views unseen, a lot of voices unheard, a lot of stories untold.
However, life is always unpredictable and unexpected, and always goes the wrong direction against your will.
There’s a kind of status, which you wanna settle down but have to leave, or you don’t wanna settle down but have to stay.
It is just like you go for some relaxation in an adorable café where you always be. It is right there at the corner, and you are walking on the most familiar street. Suddenly you found the street is under construction that you have to make a detour. It seems pretty close but you get lost feeling like walking in the maze. And you see another similar café in front of you. So you hastate and stand there.
The I some years ago, probably would be crying and up against the wall; the I one year ago, probably would be pouting and scratching my head with moisture in my eyes without tears.
What about the me now?
I stand still and hum songs, thinking randomly that what I would like to drink once entering, or if I wear the right shoes getting ready for the future walk.
When in a dilemma, some chooses to hide himself, some to seal himself, but I learn to forget myself, right at that second at that point-that moment I forget who I am, why I stand here, what I am doing.
If next step of life is always unpredictable and unexpected, sometimes try not to think. If the Creator really exists and he loves teasing people, then let him not knowing what I am thinking.
Even I myself was white-knuckled by what I have changed for 16 months’ time here. Many things are skimming over the surface and ephemeral when you see them through. No matter what you choose in the end, as long as you strive for it, as long as you have a clear conscience, whatever will be, will be.
I got changed and went downstairs to jog in the park for fresh air. It rained and became heavier and heavier. I ran back home, took my umbrella and went down again. The rain stopped, and I finished my 5 kms.
The next second, someone might point out my way to the previous café, and I have energy and a pair of good shoes; the next second someone might ask me for a coffee in the new café, and I know what I would like to drink; the next second, I might not yet find my way, know nobody, and both cafes closed, then I shall home.
The next second, might be totally upside down. Think of the worst result. Go and greet it as long as you can accept it.
And the next second comes in a blink of an eye. The first time in life, I can never be calmer, like the evening after the rain.
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