There are many one-sentences I would like to say to different certain person; however they never came out of my mouth.
I was so determined to utter the words with many face-to-face moments, while that one simple sentence always became an Adam’s apple stuck in my throat. On my journey back alone, again and again, I swallowed word by word back to my stomach.
I have no idea whether I am timid, grudging, or selfish; just many one-sentences have gradually absorbed more and more humidity from time and sunk deeper and deeper into my heart, getting more and more difficult to stand by.
As time goes by, I learnt what is called SAY IT OR NEVER. I could only hope that, the mutual feelings do exist within each others, even I didn’t speak to those people, they can still feel it. I always feel self-ironic and laughed for my self-made fairy tales.
While some one-sentence, I told, unforeseeably. After some Christmas greetings on MSN, with my undersigned xG. and closed the MSN window. All of a suddenly I hesitated, typed and sent.
Btw, I feel happy for you.
After so many times of struggling, eventually I did it. I thought.
Very honest, he said, although I felt it for long, am very happy you said it.
It drove my tears running, slowly and slightly for hours. All the moist assembled with that sentence in one quarter of a year.
From time to time I usually complain myself, a girl who always being mistaken as talkative, straightforward, playful and shallow, shouldn’t have such a sensitive and serious interior. Rather than sad or fragile, it is the release of mission accomplished. Only I myself can truly understand the stir of this sentence before and after. Many things placed in heart which have been restless, turned out to be very simple once they came out and became reality of life, even tears shed for them are tasteless.
That sentence lies horizontally in the gap between us, like an invisible knife, I hesitated which side I should turn the blade to. In the end, habitually, I turned it to myself, when we hugged goodbye, I pulled and cut my heart in passing to vanish the gap.
有很多不同的一句話想對不同的人說，而始終沒有說出口。
很多次面對面的機會，打定了決心從肚子裏往上掏，卻總是來到喉嚨就變成了喉結，上下爲難。一個人的回程中，我總是一字一字地再往肚子裏咽。
我不清楚是我膽怯，不忍心，不捨得，還是自私。漸漸地很多一句話吸收了水分，越來越往心裏沉，越來越難stand by.
在年月裏，我明白了什麽叫做say it or never，於是我只能盼望，這個世上確實存在“心有靈犀”，即使我沒有說出口，對方也能感覺到，雖然這種微弱的願望時常令我自嘲並一笑而過。
而也有一句話，毫無預兆就說了。在MSN上送些聖誕祝願之後，已經署了xG.並關上了MSN的窗口，突然我就遲疑了一下，發了出去。
Btw, I feel happy for you.
心想，這麽多次掙扎，我終于都說了。
那個人說，即使感覺得到，聽到我說還是很開心，很實在。
隨後慢慢而輕輕地，流了几個小時的眼淚，起伏斷續。那是那一句話在一個季度裏所積攢的水分。
我時常埋怨自己，一個总被误当作喧鬧率直，玩世不恭的輕浮女子，本来不應該配有如此敏感和認真的内心。説是難過，説是脆弱，不如說是完成了心願后的釋然。也只有我自己，明白這句話前後的煎熬。很多東西擺在心中，困擾萬千，然而轉化為生活裏的那一霎那現實，卻簡單得如此，連眼淚都是淡的。
那一句話在彼此之間的間隔如一把無形的橫刀，我来回酝酿着刀刃的方向。而猶豫到最後，我還是習慣性把刀刃對向了自己，在我們擁別的時候，顺势推进了自己心裏。
xG.
